Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

Oh come on, it doesn't sound like the woman is actually bothered by it. It sounds like she finds it funny and she's taking the piss. Even if she does have a genuine issue, trying to shame Op into stopping by mimicking her is much more unpleasant behaviour than reapplying some concealer. One is a mild breach of social convention that doesn't really affect anyone. The other is being mean.

Mimicking someone putting on their make up is bizarre and, especially if it's done in an emphatic and mocking way, frankly, quite bitchy. FWIW I agree reapplication isn't something to do in public surrounded by colleagues but it also wouldn't affect me in any way or make me think twice if a colleague did it in front of me.

Mocking someone is not the answer, regardless of whether you think someone is doing something unpleasant or not. If you've got a problem, use your words. If you don't, wind your neck in.

Or are we now condoning mocking colleagues in the workplace?

Do you stop when someone else comes in then? At the risk of being seen as performative? It's putting on makeup, not pole dancing 🙄

Pure misogyny and ageism.

I'd definitely find it weird if someone was doing it in staff room even more so if people eat in that room. Aren't you supposed to wash your hands before and after applying as makeup is full of bacteria?

People are just telling you what the standard etiquette is. I don't think it's very professional grooming in public, I understand it's a place to relax and it's not your work area but public is public. You wouldn't put on deodorant or cut your nails in public for example.

But I personally value etiquette and "good manners" so of course you can disagree, I think it's an art form we should hold on to!

Yeah I agree. Nothing wrong with it at all

OP if you haven't posted on AIBU before, this is were people come to insult strangers and say things that they would never say to someone in real life! People are saying that you're now coming across rude but I get that, I have turned a bit fed up with some of my own previous posts because of insults that were completely unrelated to my actual issue! My point is, ignore the gang mentality they do it with everyone (I recognise lots of these usernames and they make snide comments everywhere!)

Anyway with your issue, it depends how much it bothers you, I wouldn't be bothered and as PPs have suggested would probably make a remark such as "oh that's getting a bit old now, I think you need some new content", however if you are feeling genuinely offended just call it out and say something like "you've done this x amount of times now, is there a reason why this bothers you, as if you'd prefer me do this in the toilets I'd rather you just said because the mimicking is getting pretty annoying". I'm quite a forthright person so I would feel the need to say something, however if you would rather keep the peace maybe just reapply in another space. However I would be tempted to announce beforehand, "just going to reapply some mascara in the toilets because I know it bothers X when I do it here"!

No, I’d do my makeup in the toilets like a normal person.

Carry on as you are op there's nothing even remotely wrong with touching up a bit of makeup where <gasp> people might force themselves to look. If you were clipping your nails then fair enough.

Ignore her.

Personal grooming? She’s applying lipstick not waxing her flaps.

I don’t think anyone needs to excuse themselves to the ladies room to powder their nose these days. It’s not 1930. Fair enough if she was lunching at Buckingham Palace. But applying lippy in the staff canteen! Come on!

Where people might see you? How performative!

She's very rude to make fun of you (and thus loses any moral high ground) but I would definitely think someone who took out a mirror and/or make up in a group social situation like that was vain.

Indeed.

Performative 🤣 I think it says more about the person who thinks this is performative but I'm not sure what? Jealousy they are uptight and they have to scurry off somewhere private? Feel uncomfortable they have compelled themselves to watch?

Yes, exactly. As can you and as can your colleague. You're complaining that she thinks you're vain. Well you think she's rude. There we go, luckily we don't have to be friends with our colleagues.

" yes i do like to take pride in my appearance, seemingly not everyone does"

I'm like you OP. I touch up makeup etc, even at my desk. I have a massive mirror in my bag. Maybe not at the lunch table, but I would think nothing of getting a small mirror out at lunch and having a look at myself quickly.

Sometimes people have made fun of me but I just own it and have a laugh at myself for it. I know it's funny when I get my mirror and we all have a good chuckle. Sometimes other girls borrow it too.

Try and see it as a light hearted thing. Make fun of her back. She might be trying to connect with you with a bit of gentle 'banter'.

These responses are nuts. I don't wear make up personally but retouching it in public is an incredibly normal thing to do! Thinking back to everywhere I’ve worked, from retail in my teens and 20s to office jobs to a large multinational professional organisation there have always been people who’d do this, sometimes at their desks as well as the canteen or break room. Ditto on public transport, in cafes, it’s really not a big deal. I’m talking mascara and concealer as well as lipstick touch ups. I’m amused and baffled some people think it’s so weird or rude or private, it’s hardly on par with changing a tampon in public is it! I’ve seen several people painting their nails on trains too, the only thing I don’t like about that is the smell but if it was odourless I wouldn’t care about that either.

Applying makeup when people are eating is very like fixing your contact lenses, brushing your hair or flossing your teeth when people are trying to relax and eat their lunch. It's unpleasant and disrespectful. It's bad manners and should be done in private.

Even the posters on this thread who don't feel that applying makeup in a canteen is wrong, have to acknowledge that there are a significant number of people on this thread who would find it rude or unpleasant.

That's the joy of working in a communal space though. Unless something is expressly forbidden, you have to suck it up or make alternative arrangements. And I don't agree that your examples are comparable. Brushing hair could result in loose hairs landing in someone's food. Don't even want to think about flossing! Lenses, meh, don't look. Creeps me out.

I think it’s not so much unpleasant and disgusting as attention-seeking. It’s very much performing femininity. So, OP, you have two options. Bask in the attention your attention-seeking behaviour is generating, or change the behaviour.

As an aside I’m amazed how many people still carry mirrors around when they could use their phone on selfie?

Is that right? I never knew that rule :/

Women are expected to perform femininity all the time, but they are expected to pretend it is no effort and takes no work. What putting on makeup publicly does is actually shatter the illusion that femininity is natural rather than artifice, and that's why people get pissed about it.

She's applying a bit of lippy not washing her fadge!!