Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

A canteen is a common are where people often sit at tables together and interact, no?

I don’t think that answered my question at all.

vanity: excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements

Again, I really don’t see that putting a bit of concealer and mascara on fits this definition. To me it’s the same as re-doing your hairstyle if a few bits of hair have fallen down- hardly ‘excessive.’

Like a bank of desks? Yes.

@AliceOlive Because I like it? I'm a Goth, so it's hardly subtle. I also don't wear makeup all the time, so when I do I like to go all out.

The point of the bank of desks isn’t for you to socialize with other people, though. It’s to focus on your work. It’s not a social space, it’s a cheap way to give a bunch of people a personal work space. It’s not a big table where you sit facing one another so you can chat, is it?

I’m not sure why someone would bother asking about a different perspective if they don’t really want to understand. (Not that they need to agree.)

OP will keep doing as she does, and she’ll keep being annoyed because some people will feel free to comment on it, because she’s doing it in public right in front of them. 🤷‍♀️

But not at all to present yourself a certain way in public? Only for yourself?

A bank of desks is exactly a big table where we sit and chat, we have to chat, about work.

Interesting that a social, relaxed, informal space is not appropriate for these activities, but a workspace is ok.

And I hope op, and others do carry on as they are, especially as, 29 pages in, not a single person has been able to explain why putting mascara on at a table where others can see is wrong. Maybe that's why people haven't changed their minds?

I guess you have a very social job and your bank of desks isn’t like any I’ve ever seen. 🤷‍♀️
Never personally had a job like that and have had a door on my own for decades now.

I don’t expect any adult to change their mind about this. It’s learned at home and by the time anyone is working they are set in their ways.

I also wonder how some of the hyper sensitive people here cope on public transport (or do they avoid it at all cost?). Same goes for any kind of shared office spaces.
Is applying mascara worse than blowing one’s nose? Or eating a sandwich at the desk?

I think it’s been answered already many times but basically because grooming yourself is a private thing and there has to be a line somewhere so the line was just don’t do it at all.

”It’s just not the done thing” it’s not that much of an explanation though, is it?

People in my old office were apoplectic about somethings going on in the bank of desks (which had high enough walls for some general privacy as needed but also spaces where you can easily turn your head or lean over and chat if needed.)

It was all about smells and sounds including gross sounds others using speakerphone for calls. No one was sat staring directly across at anyone else. The seats were assigned, so different than choosing to sit within a group during a break or over a meal and reapply your makeup or otherwise pretend no one else was around.

Do you eat a sandwich on a bus?

I don’t blow my nose in public unless desperate, either. Am I failing at feminism?

Would you pick a wedgie in the break room? Where is your personal line?

It’s not my line “it’s just not the done thing.”
My line is that grooming is a private thing and feels too intimate to do in a work break room in plain view of all and sundry.

So, how we would have coped.

Wouldn’t have drink nose blower or Sinex man’s tea.

The rest: just thought privately that they lack polish in their conduct,

If you don’t it, you don’t get it.

Any job I’ve had we have had open plan banks of desks, it’s very outdated for people to have their own offices I’d say.

Oh we don’t use public transport! 😱

No, it really doesn’t happen all that often on public transport. There’s a lot of food eating but that’s faintly different as dining is a social activity. However I do give a Paddington hard stare if it stinks.

Someone has to try to keep standards up so we aren’t like animals, cats with a leg in the air licking their butt.

We know why: we don’t want to be insulting.

You are winning today. Cracking up yet again. I’m studying old tapestries to see if I can fall in love. 😍

@AliceOlive Why are you so determined to pick apart my makeup usage? Of course it's got a lot to do with how I present myself to the world, that's kind of obvious. I like to show myself off. I also like pretty things, (although my idea of pretty probably varies to what other people think,) and I like putting those pretty things on my face. I also like to stick my middle fingers up at what some people deem acceptable, as I get the 'You're too old to wear/like <insert thing here.>' I'm 35, if I live long enough I hope I'm like the very cool older ladies I've seen with bright blue hair still rocking the Goth look in their 60s and beyond.

There's an enormous level of snobbery around make up, hair extensions, Botox, fillers and so on because it's seen as 'classy' to present as 100% natural and men expect you to be naturally beautiful 🙄

How does being asked one simple question lead to you accuse someone of being determined to pick apart your makeup usage? Sheesh. No one is saying you shouldn’t wear whatever you like, least of all me.

You are seriously grasping. Just keep doing what you are doing. It’s all good if you also learn to take the commentary in stride.

She’s just giving her opinion.

There’s a worrying trend these days that anything self-focused or anti establishment or counter custom has to be given acres of elbow room because everyone ( I repeat everyone) is allowed their own standards and opinions. Yet somehow when a person’s opinion is that it’s quite nice to uphold certain standards, that opinion needs to be stamped out like a campfire in Yellowstone . See the failure in logic?

So let’s try that again. It’s her opinion. You hope you live long enough to be rocking blue goth hair; she hopes she lives long enough to be an older lady still with her dignity intact. ( Btwyou’ll be safe whichever camp you join as there is always the very conservative “blue rinse.”)

It's internalised misogyny. It's because it's something that women do and men don't.

Personally I would do it in the toilet, but I still think it's rude to make these kinds of comments. It's basically a form of sexist bullying.

Applying make-up with a mirror in a communal place in the office is unprofessional, and will influence people's perception of you which may in turn influence their decisions in terms of how they interact with you in the workplace, or how seriously they regard you.

If you don't care about any of that, then power ahead! It's just a social more, you won't be sacked for it. But you might not be promoted.