To think this woman begging was taking liberties?

[BlackFriYay]

As I was coming out of the dentist a bit woozy from anesthetic I was stopped outside the newsagents next door by a dishevelled woman asking me if I could buy her some food.

I vaguely recognise her as somebody who sits with the drinkers in the town centre.

I said I would and asked what she wanted, she said some eggs and some bread. No problem.

I followed her into the shop where she proceeded to select the biggest bag of Tilda rice that was there, the biggest tray of eggs they had, a big bottle of some kind of pricey fruit punch. There were much smaller / unbranded versions available.

She put it on the counter then went back to look for something else at which point I looked at the price stickers.

£10.99 for the rice
£5 something for the big tray of eggs
£4.99 for the big bottle of fruit punch

And she wasn't even finished.

I thought to myself not a chance this and told her it's too much and I can't help, sorry. Bye.

She then followed me out of the shop asking if I can give her £10.

I'm happy to help somebody to a reasonable extent but I think she was taking the complete piss out of me.

What would you have done?

All that means is that there are a lot of mean, nasty people on this site, it’s not something to be proud of.

OK just to add some balance to this thread I went to Lidl last night.

A man was hanging about the tills asking people to pay for his shopping as he didn't have enough money. I spoke to him and discovered he was an asylum seeker and really struggling. He had some very basic stuff in his basket - cheap pasta, cheap sauce, cheap bread and a bottle of milk. I told him I'd pay but to go back and get some chocolate or sweets and some jam for his bread which he did after asking me about a dozen times if it was really OK. Whole lot was under £8 I think.

I was more than happy to do this for him - he clearly needed the help. He was from Eritrea and I know he'd have had no recourse to public funds except the miserly £48 or so a week plus accommodation which is not a lot to support yourself on

That was a really kind thing to do. I’m glad you were in a position to be able to help him 💐

Yes, but I asked how is it a choice to have an addiction.

Wasn't thinking of Fagin, more Scrooge.

Even if you had a thousand thanks, it doesn't make it right. Many people punch down, doesn't make it right.

Doing the right thing isn't about numbers on your side. What you did was cruel.

A guy badgered me and literally blocked my path outside a shop, asking for money. He pointed to a cash point to suggest I could get money out there (I didn't have my card with me anyway) He was quite intimidating. I gave him £5 and he complained it wasn't 10.

Another time I asked a guy outside a sandwich shop if he wanted anything. He went in and chose a sandwich and a bottle of water but wasn't aggressive or intimidating

I wonder if men have the same experience of this sort of thing as women?

DP has absolutely no time for aggressive begging though if he feels people are being genuine he has often helped - but he's 6ft and quite strong with it.

Just wondering if women are targeted more often for this sort of thing

No one forced my brother to smoke crack. It was entirely his choice. I should imagine many addicts had a choice too. There's enough evidence out there to say, if you take [insert substance] you will become addicted and ruin your life for even the simplest people to understand.

This is really heartwarming. You didnt make an on the spot judgement, you took time to talk to him and understand his story.

I’ve had it as a tactic where someone has asked for some food, tried to take the piss and then asked for a smaller amount of cash as it’s that they’ve really wanted for drugs or booze. First time I was so shocked I gave them some. Now if they show clear signs of substance misuse or are asking for busfare swinging a tin of booze in the other hand - I avoid.

We already know this is the case, just read AIBU.

Of course YANBU. Fuck her off.

I would have ignored her to begin with I am sorry to say. But you set yourself up for her to try it on.

If you are going to do that then go and buy them a sandwich whilst they wait outside. Do not ask them for a shopping list.

People make bad choices sometimes. People make uninformed choices. People are daft enough to think that it will be "just the once" and they won't get hooked.

If it was that easy to avoid addiction, there wouldn't be such a problem with addiction.

People sometimes make one silly choice, one small decision, but it has huge consequences. Because often one bad decision leads to another, and before you know it, things have escalated beyond control.

I've never dabbled in drugs and I barely drink. And yet, I still think there but for the grace of god go I.

I mentioned further upthread that I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter. I remember talking to one woman who I thought was much older. Turns out she was my age - she'd had a good family, great education, top exam results, and a career planned in law. Tried drugs socially with friends, got hooked and spiralled. When I met her, she was in her 30s, a heroin addict who slurred even when not high, broken teeth, crumbling bones, and couldn't even walk straight. She was intelligent but just utterly, utterly fucked up. I will never, ever forget her - I spent a lot time talking to her. She was intelligent and could have had this amazing life but just made silly, immature mistakes and compounded that with bad decisions. Genuinely so sad. Hearing her story really brought it home to me that it could happen to anyone - especially when you're young and easily influenced.

I've felt frustration watching people with addictions throw away their lives. But it's not as simple as "just don't do it" because the reasons that people try drugs and continue to take drugs are complicated and nuanced.

Did everyone on the tills get up and clap?

I'm sorry, but harassing shoppers at the tills is shocking behaviour.

Cool story though.

I wonder if men have the same experience of this sort of thing as women?

IME that can depend on the man, @listsandbudgets

My adult DS is visibly and obviously disabled, though well enough to take himself shopping in town, and the money he lost through intimidation by beggars resulted in him having to take along only the money he'd actually need at any one time

A pity some of these "poor vulnerable victims" don't seem to feel the compassion they hope for should extend towards anyone else, but there we go

It’s been a while since I’ve read the original novella, but didn’t Scrooge give money to the two guys collecting for the charity, as well as the Cratchits? It never says that part of Scrooge’s transformation was giving money to every unverified beggar on the street.

Hey now, who made you all cranky? The poor OP was just upset that she'd tried to help and got a little more than she bargained for. We've all been there and it's confusing and a little hurtful the first time it happens. No need to say they're stupid.

Yes, it's a shame for people but you must agree that I shouldn't have to feel sorry for a give things to someone who has taken thousands from me using a mixture of coersion, my own prior goodwill abd who beat up his little old parents. I suppose my experience of addiction is too close to home and I feel very emotional about it. He had the very same upbringing as I did so I don't see why he gets a free pass.

There's no need to call the OP names.

Odd post from you @OldPerson. Why are you calling OP stupid? You didn't even express any opinion on why she is stupid, so I'm confused.

Anyway, your comment will probably be deleted because it makes no sense and you're being rude to OP.

Could it have been a misunderstanding ? She asked for eggs and bread and you told her to go in to presumably choose food.
People saying about when they are rude if you offer food instead of money, anyone can see it's money someone really needs. The sandwich and coffee instead could have went towards accommodation and lower priced food items if they could budget it themselves. And it's demeaning- it's like you're judging them and controlling how they take your help

I would have assumed it was some sort of scam in the first place and politely said no. I probably would’ve engaged when I was younger, but have become jaded with age.