To think this woman begging was taking liberties?

[BlackFriYay]

As I was coming out of the dentist a bit woozy from anesthetic I was stopped outside the newsagents next door by a dishevelled woman asking me if I could buy her some food.

I vaguely recognise her as somebody who sits with the drinkers in the town centre.

I said I would and asked what she wanted, she said some eggs and some bread. No problem.

I followed her into the shop where she proceeded to select the biggest bag of Tilda rice that was there, the biggest tray of eggs they had, a big bottle of some kind of pricey fruit punch. There were much smaller / unbranded versions available.

She put it on the counter then went back to look for something else at which point I looked at the price stickers.

£10.99 for the rice
£5 something for the big tray of eggs
£4.99 for the big bottle of fruit punch

And she wasn't even finished.

I thought to myself not a chance this and told her it's too much and I can't help, sorry. Bye.

She then followed me out of the shop asking if I can give her £10.

I'm happy to help somebody to a reasonable extent but I think she was taking the complete piss out of me.

What would you have done?

Just point them in the nearest CAB direction where they can get a food bank voucher.

I was asked by a woman yesterday for money to help her get home, she's stranded from a date.
Except she lives a few streets away, she's a heroin addict who's a friend of my dad's, and her and her boyfriend ransacked my car about a month ago.

These people? There by the grace of god go I - different circumstances and it could be any of us.

. 'Apparently there they come straight back in after shopping and try to get a cash refund for the goods'.

Shops give refunds on food that has left the shop? That's horrible. The only way food should be refunded is if it is off, damaged, inedible for some reason, and certainly not resold.
Have to wonder if the independent shops are doing a deal, and give back a proportion of the price.

I would have bought her a dozen eggs and a loaf, and told her to whistle for the rest.
But TBH I probably wouldn’t have responded in the first place - I usually only give to homeless charities now. Dates back to a bloke who sat outside our M&S for years - with his dog - and was eventually revealed to have his own flat (owned, not rented) and a hefty stash in the bank.
Hence my nasty suspicious turn of mind nowadays.

I used to work in a corner shop about 30 years ago where the owner would give credit to a woman at the weekend. She would buy cigarettes, several massive bottles of diamond white cider and two 10p mixes for her kids. 😕

Tilda - sorry, how much? I haven’t been in the UK for 2.5 years so WOW

This thread is making me feel quite sad. I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter - I’ve seen firsthand what a hard life it is on the streets.

I do regularly give to local beggars. Not every one, and not every time. Usually food items but sometimes cash.

Not everyone who is homeless can be helped by charities. There’s not enough to go round but sometimes there are other reasons why a person doesn’t get helped. For example, one of the shelters in my area doesn’t let people in if they’re drunk or high. An addict may prefer to take their chances on the street than sober up.

Our shelter had a long line of people waiting to get in each night and we had beds for a fraction of them. Genuinely heartbreaking. People died outside in the cold in winter because we didn’t have beds. We’d find out a few nights later.

People who don’t give cash because “the addiction needs to be broken”…do you think homeless addicts magically become clean overnight?! Not having money to buy a hit or a drink leads to even more desperate measures. An addict doesn’t give up because they have no money.

And to the PP who reduced their donation because the beggar was ungrateful - surely that’s missing the point? Why do we give to beggars? Are you doing it to actually help someone in need? Or are you doing it because you want them to be grateful to you? If you’re actually doing it to help, then gratitude is irrelevant.

If you can afford to give and you’re happy to do so then great. Don’t ever feel coerced into giving more than you’re comfortable with. I understand why the OP refused to pay for the goods. But reducing a donation because insufficient gratitude was shown? Oof.

Based on what I’ve seen, reports of professional beggars are massively overblown. I think most beggars are genuine. If that means I give occasionally to a scammer that’s fine by me because the majority of the time I would have helped out someone in genuine need.

This was a supermarket chain in another country.

I had a similar thing happen to me many years ago. This woman walking around with a kid asking people to buy nappies. I was going to but she was going after the most expensive pack. I thought that was strange so told her I can't afford that. A few weeks later, on the local radio news there was a thing about her doing it to rob people by giving them a thank you hug. Pretty low to be using a kid as a prop.

Mind you, the ones that really bug me, seem to be during international football tournaments, especially when there is an England match on. This has happened to me a few times over the years. Men coming up to me asking for money because they want to watch the England match at the pub. Then start getting abusive when you tell them no.

What would you have done?

I wouldn't have engaged in the first place.

No. If they give credit, they can choose the terms. They can choose to credit her for essentials and not for non-essentials. They can be kind without being mugs.

I'd have said no too. Lots of homeless addicts have had lots and lots of help but because the help does not include giving them money for their habit they choose the life they lead. Speaking from having a close family member who chooses this lifestyle.

I would've done the same as you OP.

It's refreshing to see a MNetter putting her foot down.

I was expecting you to say "I paid because I was too stunned to say anything", Or "I paid because I don't like confrontation" etc etc.

My sister got involved in a charity that helps single mothers who have been relocated either through DV, emigrants or refugees etc. They match someone with a family a year or two older same sex and all clothing or items gets passed along directly. She had a lovely relationship with a woman, so for Christmas my sister suggested she buy them something small. The following year she was rematched with a different mother shortly before Christmas and asked if she could buy a little something. The mum replied '2 new samsung phones please'. My sister isn't particularly wealthy so obviously said no but either way, it was exceptionally cheeky

I bought a homeless lady a tent and a bag of shopping on Sunday.

She can do what she wants with them when I give it to her later.

They were obviously willing to extend credit for essentials so someone didn’t go hungry. But not for non essentials like fags and booze. I don’t blame them.

I wouldn't buy a thing for any of the beggars that sit outside the shops round here. It's well known they 'work' in groups to beg, taking it in shifts (often sharing the same dog) to get as much money as they can from unsuspecting and often gullible people. Most often than not the food that is bought for them is left in a pile outside the shop door once they leave their shift as it's not food they want, it's money. I work a hard job for the minimum rate of pay, I'm not about to give any of that away to people who don't want to do anything to help themselves.

OP offered to buy bread and eggs. I’d expect the person to select a loaf which costs about £1.50 and a dozen eggs costing about £3. So the total spend would be under a fiver.

The woman then took the piss by selecting over £20 of items, including rice and squash which are not what she originally asked for and not what OP agreed to buy. So I think it was reasonable for OP to say no I can’t afford that much.

Why not cut out the middle man and just give her the cash?

Genuinely I don't mean to be rude or aggy. But what I'm trying to get across, and probably not doing well, is the difference in expectation and politeness between indoor dwellers, and homeless. To you, of course it's polite to accept less than you are offered, which might amount to one half a meal and a drink. To a homeless person,if you say yes to helping, they assume you know they have fuck all and yes of course they need quite a lot and assume you are cognisant of that. Hence the bag of rice question earlier. Yes you need quite a lot of food, if you don't have any at all. A bag of rice is wrong (trying to cover many meals for a low price) expecting more than a pastry is wrong (well meaning but so little in terms of nutrition) what are these people supposed to do

Oh this is very true, these people are not poor or homeless. And they completely detract, or sometimes physically take money from, people who are. I am 100% with you, there is a special circle in hell for these fakers that are in gangs and not homeless. This is so wrong and makes me very angry.

'indoor dwellers' ? WTH

I think what you did was very cruel.