To think this woman begging was taking liberties?

[BlackFriYay]

As I was coming out of the dentist a bit woozy from anesthetic I was stopped outside the newsagents next door by a dishevelled woman asking me if I could buy her some food.

I vaguely recognise her as somebody who sits with the drinkers in the town centre.

I said I would and asked what she wanted, she said some eggs and some bread. No problem.

I followed her into the shop where she proceeded to select the biggest bag of Tilda rice that was there, the biggest tray of eggs they had, a big bottle of some kind of pricey fruit punch. There were much smaller / unbranded versions available.

She put it on the counter then went back to look for something else at which point I looked at the price stickers.

£10.99 for the rice
£5 something for the big tray of eggs
£4.99 for the big bottle of fruit punch

And she wasn't even finished.

I thought to myself not a chance this and told her it's too much and I can't help, sorry. Bye.

She then followed me out of the shop asking if I can give her £10.

I'm happy to help somebody to a reasonable extent but I think she was taking the complete piss out of me.

What would you have done?

God the tone of the replies on this thread are depressing. It seems homeless/poor people must also be perfect in their morals and behaviour - and of course ever so grateful - in order to be deserving of any help. Have think about what that mode of thinking actually says. (and yes, I know giving to charities is better, which i do every month, but tbh I'm absolutely fine giving people a bit of cash they'll likely spend on drink or drugs to make that day a bit more bearable). They're not "taking the piss," they're trying to get as much money as they can! Which seems like a fairly obvious thing to do if you're homeless and addicted.

I would have said no I'm not buying that and offered her either a loaf of bread and small box of eggs or a sandwich.

@Msmbc completely agree with your post.

Also - £5 now is not really a lot of cash . That wouldn't even cover a hot drink and a sandwich!!

By all means help or don't help, but don't try to pretend that £5 is a big amount - it isn't.

If you are a carer living on £70 a week )5 is a lot. Just one example.

SoYoung · Today 12:36
I would have said no in the first place so that would have been the end of that.

I'm afraid, after being verbally attacked for no reason by several beggars in my time, I just say no and walk on by now. I just wouldn't risk engaging.

Point her in the direction of one of the homeless charities after informing her she is a piss taker

This sort of thread makes me want to cry. You offered to buy her food and now you're complaining she wanted " a big bag of rice". Wow.

Strangely enough, when you are street homeless, you don't actually have time / mental ability to browse for the best prices.

And then when you changed your mind over a couple of quid, and she begged you for the £10 you would otherwise have spent on her, you walked away.

I hope you can sleep at night.

I’ve had a very similar experience before. Ended up buying the woman a massive bottle of cooking oil and some cheese. I felt like an idiot but also didn’t know how to get out it. I assume it’s a scam because what is a homeless person going to do with cooking oil?

Also I once came out of the shop and gave a chocolate bar to a homeless young lady sitting there and she gave me a really angry look. I later wondered if she’s sort of being pimped out as a beggar by horrible men who beat her if she doesn’t make enough money 😔

It was 20 quids worth of stuff the beggar selected and then tried to go back for more. A big bag of tilda rice?
Where's she gonna cook that, isn't she homeless?

Just to educate those that may not know on here, you have said this lady "sits with the drinkers" suggesting that she is some kind of piece of shit that has her own money, but chooses to get drunk instead.

Putting aside addiction issues, or the fact that her life might be so horrific she feel she has no other real choice than to get drunk every day, "sitting with drinkers" means nothing in terms of having money. If you are a female, and look vulnerable, EVERY MAN in a rough pub will buy you drinks. All of them. Will they buy you a sandwich, or food, fuck no. If you ask they look at you with disgust. But they'll all buy you drinks. And then when you're sad and wasted and hopeless and helpless, and when that one lady you thought was nice walks away from you, leaving you humiliated and hungry, in a supermarket, those men all come after you knowing you "owe them" and you have nowhere to go.

Lots of people that are homeless are not in a situation where they never have access to cooking facilities, ever. Someone can have no home, but have a relative that will allow them brief access to a microwave / cooker or whatever, as an example.

Many people do not want the responsibility of having a homeless person live with them permanently. Many people though, especially if the homeless person is a relative, will let them in their home for brief periods to cook and shower.

Hostels, homeless accommodation, and churches will also let a homeless person cook some rice or other food there.

The amount of ignorance and cruelty around street homeless people is very sad. Both on mumsnet and the wider population.

Once I was asked to buy the Big Issue, seller was outside a Tesco Express. I said no, and offered to get her something from the shop, thinking of a sandwich. She asked for a tub of baby formula, (she was young so entirely plausible), named the brand and type. Cost £11+ and no smaller size available, so I felt obliged to buy it. Next time I will buy the bloody magazine!

As a former homeless person / someone that spends 3/4 nights a week on the street now, I sometimes think of doing an AMA on this. But I won't because of the amount of hate I would get. All for not being able to afford a roof.

The OP offered to buy her food, it's obvious what that would mean, a sandwich/pastry etc and a drink. The woman was taking the piss. Just because the OP had a few spare quid to hand over doesn't mean she's well off herself. £20 + quid could have left herself in dire straights. The OP did nothing wrong, so away you go with your "I hope you can sleep at night" drivel.

Not immediately helpful to the person in question though.

Some shocking replies on this thread. A homeless woman with alcohol addiction probably doesn’t have much time for social niceties- she was keen to make the most of your kindness because who knows when her next chance will be. That’s not “taking the piss”, it’s just the reality of a hard life. You should simply have said no to spending more than you wanted to. Of course in an ideal world she wouldn’t have pushed her luck but in an ideal world she wouldn’t be in that situation to start with.

I'm absolutely fine giving people a bit of cash they'll likely spend on drink or drugs to make that day a bit more bearable

@Msmbc How is giving a homeless person money to feed their addiction helpful? They need help breaking their addiction not people enabling them.

So how was she planning to cook this large amount of rice, if you believe ( on no evidence whatsoever) that she is ‘street homeless’?

You are of course at liberty to give whatever you like to who so ever you like, but your virtue doesn’t entitle you to abuse other people.

I don't think PP hate homeless people. They just recognise the majority have issues with substance abuse, and people with addictions often don't have their own best interests at heart.

They were to sell on. Many supermarkets in certain areas now put security tags on packets of meat, so people will steal (or otherwise acquire) different higher-value items.

I wouldn't say she was taking the piss. That's a desperate person who spotted a sucker kind-looking person and knew how to make the most out of the situation.

Seems to be more and more beggars than ever at the minute.

There was a guy lying on the street the other day begging, he looked unwell the way he was just laid there but couldn't afford to give him anything as I'm on a low income myself. I was picking my teen up from volunteering, he had magically sprawled himself on the otherside of the street- think he would give Usain Bolt a run for his money... I was literally half a minute.

A big bag of tilda rice?
Where's she gonna cook that, isn't she homeless?

As Theredfox just posted, there are a number of possible explanations for that ... and another is that she wasn't homeless at all but spinning a sob story to make £££

After all it's not exactly unknown ...

“I thought she must be hungry and desperate if she's asking strangers for food and not money” - you do know that a lot of people begging on the streets are using manipulative tactics, right? This is exactly what some of them want you to think.

Last weekend, my husband and I were coming out of a wedding reception when we were approached by this older lady. She had a whole story about how she needed just ten dollars (we’re American) so she could buy her insulin. Apparently the Salvation Army had somehow got the price reduced for her, but couldn’t actually get her any? 🤨 She hit just about every manipulative note you could think of - my husband’s mother and grandmother (“I bet they got their problems too”), how even a dime would help her out. She got our attention by calling out, “Excuse me! I don’t mean to startle you, but you look like one of the Beatles.” (My husband does not particularly look like one of the Beatles. Maybe George Harrison during his long-hair-and-bearded phase, if you squint really hard.)

We told her we don’t carry cash, which was not true. I’m pretty sure what she wanted us to think was, “Oh, this poor lady is already getting help from a charity - clearly, she’s not some scammer. And obviously she’ll die without her insulin, so what kind of heartless people would we be if we didn’t give her money?”

I’m perfectly fine with giving money to charities, but not some stranger on the street. Also, I’ve got the type of personality where I’d rather have people think I’m an asshole than have them think I’m a fool.

Sorry to burst the be kind bubble but not all homeless people are paragons of virtue fallen on hard times.
Local to me was a Facebook plea for accommodation for a desperate homeless young couple. Some kind person had a flat to let, and offered it, people came forward with a bed, some basic furniture and cooking equipment. Luckily an Eagle eyed Facebook user recognised them and informed the donaters that they had been evicted from 3 flats, non payment of rent, completely trashed each place and actually set one on fire.
So there are actually homeless people who don't exactly do themselves any favours.
Oh and just to make it clear, I do give money to beggars on occasion, usually the ones with a dog, and they are always polite and thankful x

Some posters seem to think that £5 is not a lot to give someone. It is all relative
If you think that some posters on MN are on
minimum wage , then giving someone £5 is quite a bit in my humble opinion.
If someone gave me £5 I would be bloody grateful
Not all posters on MN loaded

This