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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really irrittated with my best friend..

115 replies

macdoodle · 07/04/2008 17:01

Now she really is a very ggod friend and we are very close ...her DD2 and my DD1 are best friends and only 2 weeks different in age they are 6 - they spend a lot of time together as we only live across the road...
So without being big headed my DD1 is very bright and forward and quite bolshy (she always likes to win/be the leader/be in charge etc)....her DD is a little drippy (I guess) in comparison - but they do get on very well together and rarely argue (mainly cos her DD just does what my DD wants )....we have had many conversations about letting her DD have a go/a chance/be first etc etc and they do share/take turns etc but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better ...I do try and do things seperately/with other friends - but as her mum works full time and I am off on mat leave I do tend to take her with us a lot!
My DD has said to me on a number of occasions that X copies her and it annoys her - I have explained it is because she admires her and she should be flattered !
We have had 2 weeks of school and inset day today - in the hols my DD has had a fringe cut (she has long thick black hair) and despite initial misgivings it does suit her and she loves it...they are off to party today and she was so excited to show her friends her new haircut and show it off at school tomorrow...
So I knock door to get X for party and out she walks......with a fringe - now she has very thin very fine blonde hair and I honestly don't think it was a brilliant idea .....but what upset me the most was the look on my DD1's face - she looked absolutely crestfallen and just mouthed to me "see I told you" and she had tears in her eyes!!! So now they will both have new haircuts and if my DD1 says she had it first she just looks like a miserable selfish little girl which she really isn't and TBH I can see how annoying it must be for her (single white female anyone!)...
Well I just gritted my teeth and said oh how lovely you look (her nan was there mum at work).....
Oh I totally know IAMBU (its just a fringe in the4 greater scheme of things)but my DD1 was so excited and looked so disappointed - I know she will have forgotten in a few days she isn't one to mither over something ....but GOD shouldn't her mum have said something LIKE NO....and TBH its the same with shoes clothes toys etc etc everything my DD1 has her DD gets a few days later!!!!!!!!!!! there we are rant over !!!
I have mentioned it to mum before but all I got back was oh your DD copies my DD too....ummmm nope she doesn't she really doesn't she has her own little style (which is a bit off the wall)!!

OP posts:

justhavingamoan · 07/04/2008 17:03

6yrs old and acting like this is a worry.

TurkeyLurkey · 07/04/2008 17:03

Yes, you know you're being unreasonable don't you. They're girls and its a fringe. Does it matter?

DirtySexyMummy · 07/04/2008 17:06

Its a fringe. Lots of little girls have fringes. Its not 'unusual'.

If she is copying then teach your DD to take it as flattery, end of.

YABU.

sleepycat · 07/04/2008 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtySexyMummy · 07/04/2008 17:07

Did you expect your friend to say 'no you can't have a fringe because X has got one?

Your DD didn't invent fringes, she didn't come up with the style.

nkf · 07/04/2008 17:07

Eh?

MaryAnnSingleton · 07/04/2008 17:09

you are overeacting a bit here I think...relax !

S1ur · 07/04/2008 17:09

Fraid you are being a bit unreasonable here. THey are 6 and copying like this is not unusual, and I don't think your bf should have to refuse her dd wanting to get her hair cut how she wants on the back of, erm what exactly? Was she supposed to anticipate that having a fringe would upset your dd? I don't see it personally.
Plus what you said about quashing natural abitilty of dd, isn't that what you wanted your bf to do?

I suspect your bf dd has her own little style too but that she is fond of your dd.

FloridaKbear · 07/04/2008 17:10

Don't let your irritation spoil their friendship though - your DD will pick up on things you say and act differently towards her friend because of it. The other child and mother are maybe lacking in self confidence, take it as flattering that they want to copy you and yes I understand that it would be irritating but it's not the end of the world. Don't make your DD feel that she is so much better than her friend either or she might end up being the prima donna that no one likes anymore.

wb · 07/04/2008 17:10

My ds1 has the clippers put over his head once a month and wears lots of Thomas the Tank Engine tops - as do just about all the other little boys we know. Never occurred to me that this is copying

Or is this a girl thing?

beaniesteve · 07/04/2008 17:11

Erm - I feel really sorry for teh quiet one. She seems to be being judged an awful lot by everyone

S1ur · 07/04/2008 17:12

bs - sorry not sure what you mean. who's judging who?

NotABanana · 07/04/2008 17:12

The bit that made me think hang on a minute was "but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better ..." it is called being kind and considerate. Maybe it is time your child learnt that she can't always be first?

S1ur · 07/04/2008 17:14

Actually this reminds me of Dirty Sexy Money (she stole my bangs hysteria ) Watch out they'll be wrestling on the red carpet in a few years.

2GIRLS · 07/04/2008 17:14

I know you donj't want to quash your childs natural ability and some children are natural leaders or followers, but it's not a bad thing for her to learn to let other people take the lead once in a while and let them be aware of others' feelings, that they may want to do different things and in different ways.

duchesse · 07/04/2008 17:14

Oh dear god. I fear you are becoming too involved in your daughter's life here. Are you by any chance forcing her to be friends with this little girl beyond the natural limits of hte friendship? I have two daughters and can't honestly say that they would ever have minded their true best friends dressing/ doing their hair like them. It sounds to me as though you are encouraging this friendship beyond its natural lifespan. Also the other little girl sounds as though she needs to discover other people beyond your daughter. I really don't see why you need to get pissed off with her mother about it either.

I suspect that you suspect that the other mother envies your daughter and is encouraging hers to be like yours. If so, please get over yourself. They'll both grow up perfectly well, and may not even be friends by age 11. It's hardly going to have a major impact on her adult life is it?

batters · 07/04/2008 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 07/04/2008 17:16

my 3 year old has a fringe, did your child copy hers?

I am actually rather concerned with your post as it sounds like your DD could conceivably be heading into a little into accusations of bullying territory (I am NOT calling her a bully) ..

I'd be rather careful of her natural tendencies that you are viewing so positively and viewing other girl as drippy

just as a word of caution be a bit more self-aware, re-read your post and see how it coudl come across, in fact re-write it from the other family and you could imagine it on here and I'd try to be more aware of children being children and staying out of it

Twiglett · 07/04/2008 17:17

I'd also note the difference in family position of the 2 girls quite carefully

hifi · 07/04/2008 17:26

wow, do mums really bother with this stiff?
yabvvu

beaniesteve · 07/04/2008 17:30

well just the 'she has thin blonde hair and I don't think it was a good idea' comment, it sounds rather judgemental and mean.

Sometimes it's easy to get all worked up about what you believe to be some kind of slight or copying or competition.

I hope the quieter girl gets some confidence in later years as she may find it quite tough having to deal with other people .

VictorianSqualor · 07/04/2008 17:31

I got a fringe then Kate Moss got one.
Bitch.

NorthernLurker · 07/04/2008 17:31

ooooh sorry - yabu - massive over-reaction on your part imo!

It's a fringe - my children both had them, dd2 still does. The children concerned here have very differnt hair and anyway - who cares? Apart from you.

It is of course very hard to see your dd upset - but really I think you may be fuelling the upset by your reaction. Take a step back - a big step and let them get on with things!

Notalone · 07/04/2008 17:34

TBH your post comes across as a little snipey - especially in relation to the drippy comment which wasn't very nice at all. At the end of the day they are 6 years old. If it were 16 year old girls then I could understand but at 6 this behavious is quite normal.

I do think you handled your DD well in relation to the flattered comment though

Original poster

macdoodle · 07/04/2008 17:35

ok I guess I knew IABU....but was hoping for some symapthy ...
To clarify a few things - yes my DD is quite loud and competitive (she is also quite bright and fast so does indeed tend to win) ....we have MANY talks about being kind and considerate and in fact she is...she just likes to win (not a bad thing in this world)...she knows she can't always be first but to actually encourage her to LET someone else (whoever that may be) win doesn't sit well with me ....we go out with another friend who has same age DD1 (but who is as quick and bright as my DD so they are more evenly matched and she doesn't always win and TBH she is fine with that when she is beaten fair and square)...she IS NOT a bully but I am aware that competetive nature can seem/end up that way....
As to the other little girl (X) I have known her since she was born and am extremely fond of her - the girls do get on very well and it is them that cherish the friendship often running across the road to call for the other - maybe it will one day run its course as they are very different in nature and my BF and I have spoken about this a lot and determined not to let their friendship affect ours .....
It is just an unfortunate fact that she does play second fiddle to my DD - and I do spend a lot of time telling her to let X have a go/be first/etc etc etc and to e fair to my DD it must be quite tedious ??
I suppose I did overreact about the fringe but my DD has been begging me for months and my BF knew this I has always said no as I thought it would annoy her...so when I finally relented she was so pleased and proud and so very disappointed to see that X had hers done just a few days later (I am sorry but there is no doubt this was copying her as she has in the past said she didn't want a fringe cos it made you look like a freak ...and yes I know copying is the sincerest form of flattery but it probably doesn't look like that to a 6 year old...I do try not to let my irritation show and will try and be doubly sure in future I really do not want my thoughts to colour her thoughts or actions in anyway.....
Well I guess it will al be forgotten by the time they get back from party and was just silly mummy over reacting to DD disappointment

OP posts:

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