to be really irrittated with my best friend..

[macdoodle]

Now she really is a very ggod friend and we are very close ...her DD2 and my DD1 are best friends and only 2 weeks different in age they are 6 - they spend a lot of time together as we only live across the road...
So without being big headed my DD1 is very bright and forward and quite bolshy (she always likes to win/be the leader/be in charge etc)....her DD is a little drippy (I guess) in comparison - but they do get on very well together and rarely argue (mainly cos her DD just does what my DD wants )....we have had many conversations about letting her DD have a go/a chance/be first etc etc and they do share/take turns etc but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better ...I do try and do things seperately/with other friends - but as her mum works full time and I am off on mat leave I do tend to take her with us a lot!
My DD has said to me on a number of occasions that X copies her and it annoys her - I have explained it is because she admires her and she should be flattered !
We have had 2 weeks of school and inset day today - in the hols my DD has had a fringe cut (she has long thick black hair) and despite initial misgivings it does suit her and she loves it...they are off to party today and she was so excited to show her friends her new haircut and show it off at school tomorrow...
So I knock door to get X for party and out she walks......with a fringe - now she has very thin very fine blonde hair and I honestly don't think it was a brilliant idea .....but what upset me the most was the look on my DD1's face - she looked absolutely crestfallen and just mouthed to me "see I told you" and she had tears in her eyes!!! So now they will both have new haircuts and if my DD1 says she had it first she just looks like a miserable selfish little girl which she really isn't and TBH I can see how annoying it must be for her (single white female anyone!)...
Well I just gritted my teeth and said oh how lovely you look (her nan was there mum at work).....
Oh I totally know IAMBU (its just a fringe in the4 greater scheme of things)but my DD1 was so excited and looked so disappointed - I know she will have forgotten in a few days she isn't one to mither over something ....but GOD shouldn't her mum have said something LIKE NO....and TBH its the same with shoes clothes toys etc etc everything my DD1 has her DD gets a few days later!!!!!!!!!!! there we are rant over !!!
I have mentioned it to mum before but all I got back was oh your DD copies my DD too....ummmm nope she doesn't she really doesn't she has her own little style (which is a bit off the wall)!!

Have you read the whole thread FLUB not just the OP - as I said later on I did post because I actually thought that perhaps I was BU and needed some perspective - I accepted all the criticism and that I was BU explained myself apologised took it all on board and ALL in good spirit . FFS what more do you want self flagellation !!! Just P off now please

MacD You don't sound obnoxious to me, it's just hard to watch your kid get pushed around all the time - sometimes they show willing to be pushed around just because they are grateful to be played with - would you want that for your child?

Oh come on, you know it doesn't work like that! Threads don't stop when you want them to unless you have them pulled - which MNTowers would probably do for you if you ask them.

There was an interesting article in Times2 today about when you are friends with your children's friends parents....it is difficult when the kids don't always get on!

One of their tips is:

Empathise with your child's social pain but keep it in perspective

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article3713882.ece

I am stunned at this. I do not believe for one minute a 6 yr old really would be that bothered by a little fringe. You are obviously making her aware.
FGS if I was the other parent I would want to break off from you tbh. So what you say your dd is bright (on more than one occassion) what exactly has that got to do with it???

All this fuss over a fringe???

Oh dear......

Consider myself told off.

MacD - My dd sounds a lot like yours - just older - and our X is her cousin, same age, so they will always be together (2 lone children too, so in many ways they rely on each other and are best friends)
But it's hard holding back dd's natural tendencies, and Cousin (largely thanks to her own family background) has no confidence. Though she doesn't copy, she just avoids all things and all opinions (fear of failure/being wrong) I try and encourage her as I feel more neutral but there's only so much I can do as an aunt - in the meantime dd dives into all things with the will to win, and that's how she is, can't change her. I worry that she'll end up a loner, admired but not loved. But when I see her with little ones she's so gentle, so I know she is caring, just headstrong too.
While you can bring them up as best you can and explain or show by example, they do have their personalities from the start - look at businesspeople and top athletes - some of them must have been single-minded and dedicated to get where they are.
Not sure where I'm going with this, I just know I love my dd and am proud of her, and don't regret that she is a strong person. I'm sure you feel like that too.

YABVU... my 8 year old DD's life at school has been made a misery by another child whose mother also thinks she's smart/ bright/ bolshy and doesn't see why the child should hold back/ allow others take turns. My DD is actually brighter but Miss Bolshy doesn't like this and so has tried to exclude her from games at break time etc and undermine her confidence and so my previously warm, kind, generous outgoing little girl now comes home from school upset most days.

We have two other very bright kids who have also been brought up, so far, to be kind and realise that being the brightest/ smartest is not a reason to undervalue/ over whelm others and that each person has talents.

If I were the mother of the "drippy" little girl, I wouldn't allow her spend very much time with you at all... one mother's confident, bolshy child can be another child's tormentor. And how come you are such good friends if you have so little time for her offspring?

YABVU... my 8 year old DD's life at school has been made a misery by another child whose mother also thinks she's smart/ bright/ bolshy and doesn't see why the child should hold back/ allow others take turns. My DD is actually brighter but Miss Bolshy doesn't like this and so has tried to exclude her from games at break time etc and undermine her confidence and so my previously warm, kind, generous outgoing little girl now comes home from school upset most days.

We have two other very bright kids who have also been brought up, so far, to be kind and realise that being the brightest/ smartest is not a reason to undervalue/ over whelm others and that each person has talents.

If I were the mother of the "drippy" little girl, I wouldn't allow her spend very much time with you at all... one mother's confident, bolshy child can be another child's tormentor. And how come you are such good friends if you have so little time for her offspring?

yabu its only a fringe

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW - I HAVE ACCEPTED THIS FACT LET IT GO NOW!!!!

Message withdrawn

at calling a SIX year old "drippy"!