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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really irrittated with my best friend..

115 replies

macdoodle · 07/04/2008 17:01

Now she really is a very ggod friend and we are very close ...her DD2 and my DD1 are best friends and only 2 weeks different in age they are 6 - they spend a lot of time together as we only live across the road...
So without being big headed my DD1 is very bright and forward and quite bolshy (she always likes to win/be the leader/be in charge etc)....her DD is a little drippy (I guess) in comparison - but they do get on very well together and rarely argue (mainly cos her DD just does what my DD wants )....we have had many conversations about letting her DD have a go/a chance/be first etc etc and they do share/take turns etc but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better ...I do try and do things seperately/with other friends - but as her mum works full time and I am off on mat leave I do tend to take her with us a lot!
My DD has said to me on a number of occasions that X copies her and it annoys her - I have explained it is because she admires her and she should be flattered !
We have had 2 weeks of school and inset day today - in the hols my DD has had a fringe cut (she has long thick black hair) and despite initial misgivings it does suit her and she loves it...they are off to party today and she was so excited to show her friends her new haircut and show it off at school tomorrow...
So I knock door to get X for party and out she walks......with a fringe - now she has very thin very fine blonde hair and I honestly don't think it was a brilliant idea .....but what upset me the most was the look on my DD1's face - she looked absolutely crestfallen and just mouthed to me "see I told you" and she had tears in her eyes!!! So now they will both have new haircuts and if my DD1 says she had it first she just looks like a miserable selfish little girl which she really isn't and TBH I can see how annoying it must be for her (single white female anyone!)...
Well I just gritted my teeth and said oh how lovely you look (her nan was there mum at work).....
Oh I totally know IAMBU (its just a fringe in the4 greater scheme of things)but my DD1 was so excited and looked so disappointed - I know she will have forgotten in a few days she isn't one to mither over something ....but GOD shouldn't her mum have said something LIKE NO....and TBH its the same with shoes clothes toys etc etc everything my DD1 has her DD gets a few days later!!!!!!!!!!! there we are rant over !!!
I have mentioned it to mum before but all I got back was oh your DD copies my DD too....ummmm nope she doesn't she really doesn't she has her own little style (which is a bit off the wall)!!

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 07/04/2008 21:25

thanks lst long time no see hope all is still going well

OP posts:
Osyth · 07/04/2008 21:28

I think you are spending way too much time with your friend and dd if things like this are annoying you and your dd.

lemonstartree · 07/04/2008 21:40

macd

things are ok. not great but ok.

thanks for asking

hope you are ok with your gorgeous new baby, it must have been so so scary for you when she was ill... reminds me of ds1's apnoea attacks and stay in hosp aged 2 weeks - hope you are ok now .

big hug xx

Original poster
macdoodle · 07/04/2008 21:41

Baby is fine now thank goodness Horrible time
Things are ok here too...but am getting pretty tired of ok .....would like amazing just for once

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 07/04/2008 21:54

Nothing to do with your post Macdoodle - but dont you worry she may be a mnetter? Your lovely photos make you very identifiable!!!

lemonstartree · 07/04/2008 22:00

I know what you mean

Can't really look forward, just taking each day as it comes. its wearing, with no real end in sight

Can't see any simple solutions really ! for either of us. Ho Hum

lst x

Original poster
macdoodle · 07/04/2008 22:01

I know she doesn't MN

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 07/04/2008 22:04

Its wearing isn't it - things are much better, nothing awful happening, status quo maintained, I feel okish (even happy some days)...but just feel that it must get better than this, that there must be some final resolution and things must get better (I want/deserve better)....I echo your ho hum and now after 2 glasses of port I must go to bed or will have a drunken breast fed baby [gein]

OP posts:
lemonstartree · 07/04/2008 22:10

sleep well x

Spockster · 07/04/2008 22:11

McD I have to say, sounds like normal 6 year old behaviour to me...

Kitti · 10/04/2008 18:15

I think your friend should put her foot down a few times and not allow her dd to copy yours simply because it is important to try and boost x's confidence and allowing her to copy everything your daughter does won't help that at all - unfortunately I think if you suggest it you will probably fall out over it. Just tell your dd that you know it can be annoying and irritating but at least she's the one with the "original" ideas and you wouldn't want to change that for the world!! I think people have been very harsh on you tbh - let's face it - if we (as adults) met someone who did everything we did, we'd doon sympathise with your dd. I had a friend who complained of another friend who copied her - when she redecorated her house - the friend did right down to the same sofas! If she bought an item of clothing - the friend would do the same etc -it is abit creepy - at least for a 6 year old it's understandable but let's hope she grows out of it! I've always loved the name Freya but when a friend named her daughter that I just felt I couldn't - it would be too strange - isn't that more normal???

dejags · 10/04/2008 18:52

This is the second time today I am saying this:

Poor you MD, you got a right royal MN arse kicking for this.

FWIW, I get the sentiment of your OP, I understand that you are not a psychotic, overzealous crazy mum. I understand that you were probably just venting and that you don't harbor any murderous feelings towards your BF's DD.

I don't think that MN is the best place to vent unspoken thoughts. The first assumption people make on the back of such a post is that you would actually say these things in real life. There is a fine line between MN and real life.

Chequers · 10/04/2008 19:34

Message withdrawn

NYC6723 · 10/04/2008 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dejags · 10/04/2008 19:54

Wow NYC. That's a bit strong. The OP has rephrased her OP.

TBH - you sound like a bit of a cow.

Give the poor woman a bit of slack. Have you never, ever had thoughts which you wouldn't necessarily repeat to the world?

NYC6723 · 10/04/2008 19:58

not at all.. have you read OPs posts she sounds like a right tool

dejags · 10/04/2008 20:02

Refer to my previous comment:

"I don't think that MN is the best place to vent unspoken thoughts. The first assumption people make on the back of such a post is that you would actually say these things in real life. There is a fine line between MN and real life"

I really do think all MD was doing was voicing unspoken thoughts. She was just foolish enough to think that other people wouldn't take her literally because MN is not really the "real world".

Give her a break.

Bouncingturtle · 10/04/2008 20:16

NYC - that is really mean to call MD a cow. MD has already said she has been harsh and a biot thoughtless. FWIW I think people vent on here so they don't say something like this in real life. They get a reality check without putting their foot in it with the people they are complaining about.
Your first post is a personal attack and I have made a complaint about it.

MascaraOHara · 10/04/2008 20:29

NYC that is a personal attack not in the nature of MN

what is with this place today?!?!

oh yeah it's still half term isn't it.

flubdub · 10/04/2008 20:42

The way you speak about your dd, reminds me of the pushy mums that enter their kids into pageant competitions - I dont know why.

I agree, the way you speak about your dd, doesnt sound quite right .
Shes is six fgs, not 16!If she doesnt want the same hair as her friend (and tbh, it sounds like a friendship the drippy child could do without), then shave your dd's head and see if your friends dd copies then!

Also, there is something to be said for being "drippy" (AWFUL choice of words imo) as the "drippy" child rarely gets seen as pushy, or a bully, and over-bearing.

What a strange thread to start!

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2008 20:46

Thanks guys - I was hoping this thread would just die now and have even taken my profile off public in case anyone in RL recognised me (especially anyone who knows my lovely BF)...of course I would never say anything like that in RL and was just veting after a few episodes and seeing my DD1 so disappointed...
I have taken all the criticism in good sport and even admitted I was hasty/unkind or whatever - really I don't need someone whos username I don't even recognise so who doesn't know me on here never mind in RL calling me names lovely.....

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2008 20:49

The thanks was for dejags, BT and MOH - the rest I really have no desire to have this resurrected or explain myself yet again - the original post was Monday its Thursday now go cause trouble somewhere else - I suggest the MMR thread!! now

OP posts:
flubdub · 10/04/2008 20:50

DONT START A THREAD THEN in AIBU if you dont want people to say "Actually, you are."!

So do you just want replies off Cod, Twig and a few others?

flubdub · 10/04/2008 20:51

Am sorry, have only just noticed when you first posted.

SmugColditz · 10/04/2008 20:51

Being the leader and the biggest brightest and best feels great, doesn't it?

And it feels great when your child is the best at everything too.

But what doesn't feel great is when your child's whole personality is being engulfed by a louder, pushier, more articulate child's. It doesn't feel great to the mother, and judging by the look on their faces it doesn't feel great to the child either.

Compassion (for that is what is a little lacking here) doesn't make you 'win', but think of the bible - who won? The Romans won. And who do we remember?

I am, of course, exaggerating to make a point, but the point I am trying to make is that pushiness and drive are great qualities to have, as are an ability to take a back seat and show a little empathy. We need a balance of those things, I think.