to be really irrittated with my best friend..

[macdoodle]

Now she really is a very ggod friend and we are very close ...her DD2 and my DD1 are best friends and only 2 weeks different in age they are 6 - they spend a lot of time together as we only live across the road...
So without being big headed my DD1 is very bright and forward and quite bolshy (she always likes to win/be the leader/be in charge etc)....her DD is a little drippy (I guess) in comparison - but they do get on very well together and rarely argue (mainly cos her DD just does what my DD wants )....we have had many conversations about letting her DD have a go/a chance/be first etc etc and they do share/take turns etc but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better ...I do try and do things seperately/with other friends - but as her mum works full time and I am off on mat leave I do tend to take her with us a lot!
My DD has said to me on a number of occasions that X copies her and it annoys her - I have explained it is because she admires her and she should be flattered !
We have had 2 weeks of school and inset day today - in the hols my DD has had a fringe cut (she has long thick black hair) and despite initial misgivings it does suit her and she loves it...they are off to party today and she was so excited to show her friends her new haircut and show it off at school tomorrow...
So I knock door to get X for party and out she walks......with a fringe - now she has very thin very fine blonde hair and I honestly don't think it was a brilliant idea .....but what upset me the most was the look on my DD1's face - she looked absolutely crestfallen and just mouthed to me "see I told you" and she had tears in her eyes!!! So now they will both have new haircuts and if my DD1 says she had it first she just looks like a miserable selfish little girl which she really isn't and TBH I can see how annoying it must be for her (single white female anyone!)...
Well I just gritted my teeth and said oh how lovely you look (her nan was there mum at work).....
Oh I totally know IAMBU (its just a fringe in the4 greater scheme of things)but my DD1 was so excited and looked so disappointed - I know she will have forgotten in a few days she isn't one to mither over something ....but GOD shouldn't her mum have said something LIKE NO....and TBH its the same with shoes clothes toys etc etc everything my DD1 has her DD gets a few days later!!!!!!!!!!! there we are rant over !!!
I have mentioned it to mum before but all I got back was oh your DD copies my DD too....ummmm nope she doesn't she really doesn't she has her own little style (which is a bit off the wall)!!

StillWaters - you're good!!
You read like Mariella's advice column

Message withdrawn

hoho I prob am a prima donna also very competetive (but has helped me get a good job and be successful which is lucky as I need to support us all as H is lying cheat)....DD is very like me but I don't think those traits are neccesarily so bad as long as they are tempered with being kind to others (as much as 6 years old can be).....I have talked to teacher as I was worried she could be construed as bullying especially as she is one of eldest in class but teacher is happy she is NOT and is caring little girl but admits she likes to be in charge/take the lead (but in this worls some do have to lead)....??
I do think X is lacking in self confidence and we do try and build her up - and I am first to admit it must be hard being my DD friend (not because she is nasty but because she likes to win and is quite good at everything)...am I not allowed to be proud of her

Oh God Macdoodle! Listen to yourself - your thinking here is not... well normal.
Distance your own competitiveness from your daughter - you are setting her up for a fall.

Hilarious - I was the drippy one at school - the one girl who was cool and had everythng first and had to win unfortunately didn't realise that this wouldn't always be the case and is now a big old sad failure in everything - ha ha ha!

Being boisterous isn't a nice trait really!

I don't have a problem with X in fact I am very fond of her - nor do I have a problem with her mum - in fact we openly talk about the girls and their differences they do complement each other but it must be frustrating for X ....probably the issues are mine and I hope DD is NOt aware of them I will be more self aware in future - there everyone happy

I was copied for YEARS in primary school by my friend, the worst being is she copied it PLUS PLUS, by which I mean I got a Pippa doll...she got every single Pippa doll there was.
She was a lovely person and we are still in touch but she was not very good at instigating things so used to follow me. At secondary school she latched onto someone else and did the same thing.
If the girl wants to copy she will, your DD will just have to accpet it, but I understand if you and she are upset, I used to be, it was so annoying not to be able to have anything to myself. I just had to accept she was a copier, not an instigater of anything. I suppose it was flattery of a sort, but a sort I could have done without.

Poor little X must be so bad for her having such a boisterous primadonna to live up to!

Get over yourself FGS!

what was that story about the hare and the tortoise....?

macdoodle you've been very open minded which is unusual on one of these threads, so good for you

I do think it's time for YOU not to give this stuff headspace; as her mum you are there to teach your dd how to deal with any little rivalries and upsets, NOT to get involved in them yourself. How can your dd see that this stuff is minor, if it's important enough for mum to be in a state about? Thinking back, my mum would have given me a sympathetic smile about this sort of issue, end of!

I get the impression that you were angry in your original post or at least I hope you were. Calling your bf's dd drippy. Do you really think this 6yrs old is drippy?

I agree with StillWaters.

I have to say I read the original post and it really disgusted me so much so I couldn't post straight away or I would have said some horrible things to you.

Can I ask looking back on what you wrote on op, was it in anger? Would you take any of it back?

I mainly agree with all the other posters on this thread, but a tiny bit of me wonders whether there might be an issue if your dd's friend always copies her. Sometimes it's nice when you are six, but sometimes if it's persistent it can be quite annoying and worrying. I remember having one 'friend' at school who took the whole copying thing too far... as an adult I can see she was having a hard time at home and was probably quite insecure but at the time it just felt wrong and I wanted it to stop.

But sounds like your dd is generally happy with the friendship, so I'll agree with the majority and say you need to relax a bit and let the two girls sort out their friendship, with a little coaching for your dd on taking turns/sharing/not always coming first. Learning how to value other people's strengths and weaknesses, even when they are different from our own, is kind of important.

What HonoriaGlossop said. Also, get involved in other things so you don't find yourself analysing the reasons a six year old got her hair cut.

Upwind I agree- I'm aware this may sound a bit off but I'm going to say it, you do need to focus on YOU more; you really sound like one of the six year olds in your original post

Time to step away.

"oh well i shall just not bother about my dd life at all any more.... "

No one is saying you should do that, macdoodle.

Your FWIW comment seems critical of someone you call your best friend - why did we need to know she called another girl a little cow - how is it relevant?

Well I do try to teach my kids that its the taking part that counts, because you cant win 'em all in life. I dont care if they win as long as they try their best.

Of course you're allowed to be proud of her, but there's plenty more qualities to be proud of too. Like I said, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, maybe your dd's friend will grow up to be the strong silent type. She may turn out to be the rock in their relationship one day? Or they will go their separate ways. You never know.

I think it's entirely normal to worry and/or think about what your child is up to. The friendship with the other girl is viewed up close because her mum is her best friend.
their school friends don't get half as much thought because you can't see the dynamic yourself.

macdoodle mentioned that her friend called another little girl a cow to (I think) show that it's not just her that says things about other children and the way they behave.
It would be wonderful if we all had friends that were so perfect that we didn't have not even 1 remotely negative thought about them, and their children were even more perfect.

Whereas we would probably all like our DDs to have the natural born leadership and winning qualities your DD has, Macdoodle, it can be a flippin annoying trait in a child. We all know the one who has to win and it is not pleasant at times. I think you need to back off their friendship a little.

Think of your BF.. her poor little DD is forever trying to compete with your DD who is, from what you say, brighter, quicker, more clever, more of a leader blah blah... Yes, of course, we all like to be proud of our kids, but sometimes you can go one step too far - there is a fine line between a natural achiever and a smart arse (sorry!)

FWIW if my DD had complained that her friend had got a fringe the same as her I would have said 'Don't be ridiculous, it will grow out soon anyway!' It is sooooo unimportant and your feelings about it might possibly be rubbing off on your DD.

In life we all need dominant and passive people, leaders and followers, introverts and extroverts etc... but I think you are building your DD and her wonderful traits up far too much.

I have to say you have taken any minor criticism on here very well. Good luck!

oh I'm back must be a sucker for punishment..
But I did post to get some perspective as some part of me knew I was being ridiculous/over reacting and so I have taken on the somewhat harsh comments in good spirit (I think)...
So first of all yes my OP was written in anger clearly and I agree it does come across a little petty/childish/unkind - ok we all agree...
Next ...of course I NEVER ever call X horrid things or even say them out loud or to DD - I am not stupid OR nasty....and TBH I don't really think those things of her - I think she is a sweet little girl terribly lacking in self confidence...though must admit to being annoyed with her at times (as I do with my own DD) .....
Next - I sincerely hope that my DD does not pick up on my feelings/thoughts and that is one thing I will take from this and be aware of.....
Of course when she said X had copied her fringe I just shrugged and said no big deal chick its just hair as I say every time soemthing happens - I DO say its not a big deal/she just admires you/just ignore it etc and try not to show my irritation (can't help it it does irritate me)
Next - I think some posters have been a little unfair on my DD - it is not her fault I posted and some of the posts were a bit unkind towards her - prima donna, bully, etc etc she is none of those - yes she is competetive and loud yes I know precocious children can be annoying - yes I try to temper her BUT I am incredibly proud of her - she IS very bright and forward and I encourage that I want her to do well and be successful (and that is not a bad thing) - to the poster who I think said quite meanly that haha those cocky ones at school failed in later life nice !! I was cocky and forward at school and I have done very nicely thank you very much!
And lastly - I don't think it came across very well in my first post it got lost in the ranting - but I really don't think X behaviour is completely normal - maybe it is her mum (so maybe it is the 2 of us that have issues and we should talk)....but when I say copy it is much more than normal 6 year old behaviour - perhaps it is mum trying to keep up with the Jones's buying her everything my DD has and so perpetuating this...but for eg we have tried to keep their out of school activities seperate and they do enjoy different things - so X does ice skating which she enjoys and is good at (small and light footed), my DD does stagecoach - suits her loud wanting to be centre stage personality - a few weeks ago X said she wanted to do stagecoach like my DD even though it would mean her giving up ice skating which she loves - I am sorry I don't think that is normal and I think she does have some self esteem issues and I don't think it is fair that my DD should be made scape goat/responsible for that.....
However I have no doubt they love each other and enjoy each others company (they played together for 5 hours yesterday and not a peep)....so I will take a step back and leave them to it perhaps I have got too close being on maternity leave and having more time on my hands to spend/be interested in DD and also spent much more time with the 2 of them ....although I wonder whether I have become more aware of things as well ....agghh who knows glass of wine and early night for me - thanks for comments helpful/contructive and otherwise

I'm sorry but yabu and actually quite rude I'm sure your friend loves the fact that your bemoaning her child like this - and your comment why should I quash my childs natural ability well sorry but that's plain obnoxious - it's part of beingpart of the human race being kind taking turns and actually I would rather play with a child who was kind and let me try something etc rather than someone with natural ability.

errrm - I think Macdoodle has taken everything on board actually - maybe time to let it rest?

Actually I think you are being very unreasonable, especially the bit where you say, but I don't see why I should quash my childs natural ability to make hers feel better that line is not only bang out of order but rather spiteful on your part in my opinion.

I think you have taken the criticisms well macdoodle (better than I would have done) good on you.

Hope things work out for you and your friend and your girls, friends and their chilkdren are often a difficult path to negotiate!

Hey guys....Macdoodle has posed several time explaining her 'frustration'/concern - and tbh who has NOT experienced that????

I don't think anything in any of her posts suggest she is 'obnoxious' but rather a caring mum of a bright little girl trying to get a bit of perspective on a situation that has upset her and her daughter. and trying to find a way to deal with her OWN feelings about this ??

you have a nice glass of wine mcd