If you moved house frequently as a child

[Nosleepforthismum]

How do you feel about it now and what’s your relationship like with your parents?

My DH and I are nearing the end of a big renovation with lots of upheaval and two temporary sets of accommodation in the last 5 months before moving back home. We have two kids (2 & 1). It’s been stressful but also weirdly enjoyable and we’ll have made some decent money on the house when we come to sell.

I can’t help but feel like I want to keep going and sell up in a years time and do it all again (and maybe again after that). We’d be able to be mortgage free and financially we’d be able to set our kids up for life if we keep going while they are little. My DH is a builder and would work in between jobs to reduce the impact on family life but the kids would move house fairly frequently (every 2-3 years) and would spend some of that time living on a part building site.

A family member has expressed her horror we were considering this and thinks the children will be negatively impacted if we go down this route. Lots of “money doesn’t buy you happiness” chat but my overriding feeling that getting financial security is will be far more beneficial in the long run. The only thing I do agree on is not moving schools. Once they are at school they will not be moved.

Just wondered if anyone had experienced this with their parents and how it’s impacted on your life? Good and bad.

I lived in 10 houses before 18yo. I went to private school though so that wasn't interrupted and was a constant. I loved it- the excitement of choosing (fighting with siblings) over new bedrooms, choosing paint etc each time. It helps with memories too as if h try to remember an event if u can remember the house then I can pin down the year it happened. If you involve the children in the move they might like it. Although it might also explain why I always have so many unfinished DIY projects on the go.....it is normal for me!!

@mummymeister It was the same for me. We moved because it suited parents, no thought given to the consequences on the four children trailing in their wake. I am nearly 50 and the impact remains, particularly having to start again in schools where everyone was in tight little friendship groups, often being totally alien beings because it was the only in year place (religion) or the new place was so culturally different to where we were used to. The move at aged 11 was the start of some mental health issues that I will never shake. I have done okay but I could provide an essay length post about the negative impact of my parent's life choices. My two much older sibs are also very obviously traumitised by it- my younger one less so. None of us have a great relationship with our remaining parent.

Open House: A Life in Thirty-Two Moves https://amzn.eu/d/ftfjt99

This book might be an interesting read, OP.

Children are not all the same. Some will be resilient and will thrive on the change, others will really struggle with it and it will impact their development.

I'm in the 2nd camp. I moved 5 times before I was 11 and I frequently like the weird new kid. My sister is very autistic and needed a chance to build friendships and surround myself with support, not move for my parents career with an assumption I would cope.

I had found close friends between 7-11 but I was abruptly moved again, I now know on retrospect that this triggered the first episode in what would be a lifelong struggle with depression. I remember not being able to concentrate suddenly and being so tearful for months.

In adulthood I find it so hard to make friends, I was bullied horribly in that last school and now I tend to stay on the sidelines due to anxiety. Therapy and being confident in a professional job hasn't shifted this, this is me now.

I love my parents so much and can relate to their decision but I don't think I'll really ever forgive them for not listening to me when I said I couldn't move again.

I think you’re right @Groundhoghcg not all children are the same. Not all adults are the same. Not all adults are feckless, not all adults dismiss their childrens’
needs. Like I said earlier, my children are late teens. At least two look like they’ll have ‘international’ careers, like we did. I’m not about to discourage any of my children to have a career as a diplomat (for example) in case it doesn’t suit their children. That would be idiotic. I’ll let them make their own decision. Like we did.

We moved around a lot. We emigrated first then moved hours between places. It's horrible as a child. It made one of my brother's a nervous wreck. I hated always being the new girl, sticking out with my different accent. I hate when I read that kids are resilient and they'll settle because sometimes they don't. I see it on here a lot.

As an adult I don't have friends from my childhood and it does hurt my heart a little when I see old school friends who have been friends for years.

I've lived in my home for 17 years, my children grew up here and I made that happen and worked three jobs to keep them here when I ended my marriage ten years ago.

"not all children are the same"

Definitely -I was probably the most impacted because the timings meant I changed school more than DS and DB did. My brother embraced the 'man of mystery' vibe and enjoyed being a slight outsider, my sister was better at picking up the local accent and blending in than I was so she wasn't bullied like I was (there was a persistent rumour that I 'talked posh' because I'd been at private school but was expelled.

I can confound the 'we can tell where you grew up from what you call tag type tests' they kind of shrug and colour most of England red.

I think it made me more resilient and wiser. But the opposite effect on my brother, really impacted him negatively.

I think there is a big space between discouraging them and having an honest conversation about the potential impact on a family of a career that involves moving around.

My parents weren't feckless, they were loving, but they did assume it would be fine and it wasn't. There is quite a bit of longitudinal research now which suggests that children who move frequently in childhood are at greater risk of MH problems, suicide and substance misuse problems. This research wasn't able to my parents then but it is now.

I'd lived in seven houses by the time I was 13, so we moved roughly every other year. It was never further than a few miles, but it did mean for chunks of that time I didn't live near my school friends.

I went to one primary school up to year 6, first living nearby but then moving a bus ride away, then after a house move moved to another primary school for year 6, then moved to the local comprehensive, then after another move I went to another comprehensive from late in year 8 that wasn't the closest one, to be with friends from my original primary school.

The school moves and not living close to friends were harder than the house moves really. I found moving house quite exciting. Getting to choose a new room, making my own space, decorating the new house.

The house I lived in from being 13 until I moved out at 25 is the longest I've lived anywhere. DM moved from that house around two years after I left, to live in London with her partner for a while, but moved back and lived in five more places over 11 years before she died last year. I think she just never really felt settled anywhere.

As for our relationship, it was good. One of the five places she lived after she came back was in our house. The last place she lived was just over the road from us so we would see each other all the time.

One thing I think helped with moving so much was that my grandparents were always a constant. Both sets lived in the same houses for my entire childhood, we'd visit and stay over almost every weekend, everything was always the same there.

I would say our moves haven't impacted my relationship with my parents. Mum and I are very close. Dad a little less so but that's thanks to his current partner rather than the past.

I was always a smidge jealous of my cousins who's parents have lived in the same house for her whole life. Her height and those of her children are etched into the kitchen door. Her first grandchild is there too now. It's a real family home for the generations.

My father moved us around a lot. Quite a distance each time. I went to 4 different primary schools and had to adapt to each one being different from the last. No national curriculum back then. I remember being very upset having to leave homes and friends that I liked. There were also relatives we didn’t see much any more. I wouldn’t do this to school age kids, it was horrible and I hated the feeling of suddenly being in an unfamiliar place again and having yet another bedroom that needed decorating. Younger than that would be less of a problem I’d think, though they must still feel the disruption.

I went to 8 different schools and lived in 8 houses up to the age of 13 - I think it made me adaptable and resilient.

My eldest moved schools in Y9 and she thinks it made her more confident and resilient too.

I can only speak for myself of course but I moved around a lot due to my fathers job and yes it was v damaging. in fact I have never really shaken my fear of change as an adult and have a huge fear of losing my home even now.

I had lived in four different cities and moved 10+ times by the time I was 18. I hated moving but understood the limited options my DM had at the time.

As an adult our relationship is fine, the consequences really have been once I finally bought my own house, I never want to move again if I can help it. Had enough for two lifetimes!!

I moved loads as a child. To all different areas of the country, frequently at short notice due to DV. I remember vividly going to schools as the new kid whilst living in a women's aid shelter. To be honest I just got on with it, it was fine & necessary. I don't think it's great if it can be avoided & for my own DD I know she wouldn't cope with it so I plan to keep her at the same school if I can. It definitely made me more resilient but I had far bigger issues in my life than starting a new school, I didn't know what I was going to face when I got home so maybe it's different if the rest of your life is stable.

Moved frequently and it's had a major impact on friendships. I'm used to letting people go and starting again so I often let friendships slip or don't repair friendships after minor upsets. It's also meant I don't feel like I have good friends. I swore I wouldn't uproot my children and I haven't.

My husband moved about 12 times from when he was born to 16. At which point another move was imminent and he ended up living with a friend as wanted to stay at school to do a-levels. He’s extremely independent but also very emotionally stunted. He said it definitely messed him up.

i lived in same house all my life and I definitely feel I had such a calm and stable childhood that has resulted in be being a calm and stable person.

I think there's a big difference between moving areas/schools/having to make new friends repeatedly (which I would have hated) and staying in the same area, at the same school with the same friends but moving houses as you renovate and move up the ladder.

Admittedly I experienced neither as a child and I was very attached to my family home (I was a sensitive only child)! However, DS is 6.5 and has lived in 4 different properties in his lifetime as we renovated 3 houses - 4th property was a flat we lived in while renovating house number 2. He's very unperturbed about it all but he's been in the same school and nursery the whole time so no impact on his friendships or schooling at all. We live in zone 2 London so property is close together. All 3 houses are in a 0.5 mile radius and the current house is literally over the road from the second one.

The current house is a massive reno project which will take several years to complete but it's big enough to move around as we do each phase and not move out. He has all his toys/stuff and we never throw out stuff without his knowledge/"lose" stuff in the move. We're just moving to live on the top two floors so the ground floor can be done and he thinks it's a big adventure.

I wouldn't do it if it meant moving schools/losing friends as I know I wouldn't have liked that as a kid. Different if it's for a job or you want to move areas (infrequently). But not just to flip houses even if it is a good money spinner. Other people I know who develop properties rent the house they live in and flip the property they own, meaning the kids don't have to move all the time and it's efficient from a stamp duty perspective.

@Groundhoghcg id love to see some of that research, and also what is defined as ‘frequently’.

“The evidence regarding the impact of frequent childhood moves on later mental health is supported by several well-regarded studies and reviews published in reputable journals and by respected organizations. Here are some of the key pieces of evidence:

1. *BMC Public Health Study*:

- A study published in BMC Public Health examined the effects of house moves during early childhood on child mental health at age nine. It found significant associations between frequent moves (two or more) before the age of two and increased internalizing behavior scores at age nine. This study used robust statistical methods and controlled for various sociodemographic factors, making it a reliable source of evidence [oai_citation:1,The effects of house moves during early childhood on child mental health at age 9 years | BMC Public Health | Full Text](https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2458-12-583).

1. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*:

- Research published in this journal analyzed the long-term impacts of childhood mobility on adult mental health. The study found that adults who moved frequently as children reported higher levels of psychological distress and lower life satisfaction. The journal is a highly respected source in the field of psychology, adding credibility to the findings [oai_citation:2,www.apa.org](https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-98-6-980.pdf#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.apa.org%2Fpubs%2Fjournals%2Freleases%2Fpsp,100).

1. *MacArthur Foundation Review*:

- The MacArthur Foundation's report on the harmful effects of moving during childhood provides a comprehensive review of various studies. It highlights how frequent moves can disrupt educational and social development, leading to long-term mental health issues. This review synthesizes findings from multiple studies, providing a broad overview of the issue [oai_citation:3,www.macfound.org](https://www.macfound.org/media/files/hhm_brief_-_is_moving_during_childhood_harmful_2.pdf#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.macfound.org%2Fmedia%2Ffiles%2Fhhm_brief_).

1. *American Psychological Association (APA) Reports*:

- Reports and articles by the APA, such as those examining the psychological impacts of moving, emphasize the compound effects of frequent relocations and associated stressors on children's mental health. The APA is a leading authority in psychology, lending significant weight to its conclusions [oaicitation:4,www.apa.org](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/06/moving-well-being#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.apa.org%2Fnews%2Fpress%2Freleases%2F2010%2F06%2Fmoving,100) [oaicitation:5,www.apa.org](https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-98-6-980.pdf#:~:text=URL%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.apa.org%2Fpubs%2Fjournals%2Freleases%2Fpsp,100).

These sources represent a combination of original research and comprehensive reviews, all published by reputable institutions and journals. Their findings collectively underscore the negative impacts of frequent childhood moves on later mental health, providing a strong evidence base for this conclusion.”

Frequent seems to be regarded as more than 3

If you knew me I think I would come across as resilient, happy and successful. But there’s a deep sense of loneliness and anxiety underneath

I moved houses and countries as a primary age child a few times. My older two children did the same, my younger three haven’t.
I have no negative memories, it was positive moves, bigger houses, money or exploring. I still like to travel and adventure and speaking other languages helps. My older two also speak languages, have friends in many locations and are generally confident. As young adults they’ve never expressed negative comments.
We’ve been more settled in recent years. If any my younger ones seem more impacted by moves- they get very attached to friends who move away. We’re in London, it’s transient and they’ve seen so many move and switched friendships a lot here. Flat periods after losing people.
For me I love the fact I have friends to visit all over the UK and abroad, we often do big holiday drives to see people.

I think it very much depends on factors like - at what age you started moving, how many times, how big were the moves, was there additional familial support, was there a culture change etc etc

We moved house plenty of times as a child, 8 that I remember before I left high school. I don't remember it being a big deal, I'm surprised at some of these replies. I never had to move schools though and might have felt differently if I had.

Think I racked up 11 houses/apartments by 13, in 4 different countries (military brat).

Very much child dependent I think. On the surface I coped absolutely fine and now home for me is very much dh & the kids not the physical house but I hated the lack of control over my space, the packing, the starting again and the lack of "normalness" when we lived around non military families.

Apart from the summer I turned 9 in which I hated my dad, his stupid job and refused to move back to Germany (the 2nd time in my life my dad hit me), my relationship with my parents was mostly fine. Although when they offered boarding school as an alternative to moving, I chose to keep changing schools so who knows.