If you moved house frequently as a child

[Nosleepforthismum]

How do you feel about it now and what’s your relationship like with your parents?

My DH and I are nearing the end of a big renovation with lots of upheaval and two temporary sets of accommodation in the last 5 months before moving back home. We have two kids (2 & 1). It’s been stressful but also weirdly enjoyable and we’ll have made some decent money on the house when we come to sell.

I can’t help but feel like I want to keep going and sell up in a years time and do it all again (and maybe again after that). We’d be able to be mortgage free and financially we’d be able to set our kids up for life if we keep going while they are little. My DH is a builder and would work in between jobs to reduce the impact on family life but the kids would move house fairly frequently (every 2-3 years) and would spend some of that time living on a part building site.

A family member has expressed her horror we were considering this and thinks the children will be negatively impacted if we go down this route. Lots of “money doesn’t buy you happiness” chat but my overriding feeling that getting financial security is will be far more beneficial in the long run. The only thing I do agree on is not moving schools. Once they are at school they will not be moved.

Just wondered if anyone had experienced this with their parents and how it’s impacted on your life? Good and bad.

@Bananasatchristmas i am desperate for a forever home!!! And, yes, it’s a constant argument with our parents - as they feel like they provided

@Meetingofminds yep! I continued the pattern of rootlessness!

I think pre-school it’s probably fine, but once at school I would expect a lot more unsettling and disruptive.

I moved house a lot as a kid (8 times by the age of 13 and a few more times after that) and although I don't remember kicking up much of a fuss at the time, it has really bothered me as an adult.

I never felt settled anywhere and I'm envious that my husband can talk about his childhood home when I don't feel like I had one. At one point I remember keeping lots of my belongings in cardboard boxes because it made it easier for when we next moved. I never really unpacked. I can see why it's tempting to put you in a better financial position, but kids don't really care about that.

Dad was in the army so we moved every 2 years or so. I didn't know any different so it wasn't an issue! A positive outcome is that my brother and I are and have always been extremely close, because we were each other's constant throughout childhood. We're both also very good at making new friends.

Kids are amazingly adaptable and will cope fine.

It's only now that I see the downside - I'm quietly jealous of DH who has a group of friends that he's known since primary school and they still get together regularly. I don't have any friends now who knew me as a child.

So this is our third house but we’ve never had to buy and sell simultaneously or with kids in tow so I appreciate what you are saying about the sheer stress of it all. However, I did conveyancing for 10 years pre kids so I understand the process at least and the legal side of it doesn’t worry me. Things won’t go to plan because they never do but I’ll try and be as laid back as possible (see how that pans out in real life!)

Yes, the renovations and the dust is the biggest concern tbh. We’ve not been living in this property while the major works have been done but moved back with decorating and smaller jobs. It really depends on what scale of project the next house would be. My DH is very conscious of the risks of these things (he has asthma) but I’m hoping we would be able to properly separate the building work from the rest of the house but failing that we’d move out temporarily for the worst of it.

I think there is also a difference when it is expected. Eg forces families. Children know they will have to move. They probably attend schools with other forces children so they are noever the 'new child' for long.

That's totally different to thinking, as previous poster said, that this will be the last move.

Living one house doesn't give you lifelong friends. I have no friends from childhood, partly because I was badly bullied and just wanted to escape by the time I was 18!
I go back to visit my parents only. I hate that place...

DD however is still in contact with friends from previous homes... modern technology is brilliant!

I went to 6 schools before I was 11. Moving house is no big deal, moving schools is. I definitely didn't want that for my DC. It was tough, but I suppose it shaped my character in some positive ways.

I moved house every 2 years as a child (forces family). As a result I have a pathological loathing of moving house now. But we were moving house AND area. I think if you're staying same area and kids don't have to move schools and make new friends, it's less destabilising

I'd lived in six houses by the time I was 16. I hated moving. I'd get really attached to a house and friends and then we'd move on. And the constant decorating/renovating was tiresome. Living surrounded by works, plaster and dust and no carpets, then seeing it all come together just to sell it and move on to another house that needed work. The shock of coming home to see a "for sale" sign in the garden would make my heart sink. My parents have done well out of it and I don't begrudge them their success, but it did affect me.

I left home at 19 and had the usual few years of rented flats then bought a tiny flat with my boyfriend.

We sold that after 2 years and bought our current house 21 years ago. Have raised two children here and have no intention of ever moving again. It's not even a big family home, or a "forever home" as people call them now - it's actually too small but it is MINE and I love it.

If it’s just the house that changes fine. If it is schools too that is shit and gets harder as they get older

we moved a lot as a child because my mum liked the whole excitement of buying and selling the house. the thing that stuck out and the reason I feel very negative about it was because the children were not involved at all in the process. Literally my mum would announce the house is sold and we are moving to this house in xxx. If it meant moving school or leaving friends she didnt give a shiny. we made a big move/life change when our oldest 3 were under 6. we spent ages talking about it, showing them pictures etc we took them to visit the new school and nursery and made plans for all the fun new things we would do. in other words, exactly the opposite to how my mum did it.

My mum did absolutely no planning in relation to us children. she didnt even investigate the schools or anything. it was just a case of well the council will sort out a school for you. I am in my 60s and still feel bitter about this. all the friends I lost, all the time wasted trying to make new ones and to fit in and never feeling a sense of belonging because I knew she would uproot us. and worse than that, in each new house she would always spin the "wow this is perfect I am never moving" line.

By the time I was 12, I'd moved 7 times, including moving countries twice.
Some of the moves bothered me more than others, but it was fine - it hasn't led to me having psychological problems, insecure attachments, or anything like that. I'd say I'm a pretty functional adult with unusually close relationships to my parents and sibling.

I remember joining a school in Year 5 where I was the only person who had come new to that school since Reception and most of the kids had always lived in the same house for their whole life. I think the other children felt a bit sorry for me joining late, but honestly at that time I felt a bit sorry for them - I found the idea of staying in the same place and there being no children coming and going rather weird and claustrophobic.

Obviously there are good and bad ways of doing it, and it depends on your family and setup, but I don't think moving a lot necessarily damages kids. My parents always explained and planned the moves and the reasons for them.

We moved around a lot as kids, both locally & around the country. As the eldest by 5 years I obviously changed schools the most, I think around 10 schools All three of us struggle with relationships & friends as adults. We made friends then moved & needed to make friends again, you started to lose the feeling of needing attachments, of needing friends as you were only going to lose them again. We never felt settled, we weren’t very happy at all. We’ve grown into adults that really struggle.

My sister makes ‘friends’ with everyone & anyone but doesn’t have proper attachments & falls out with them quickly but does everything quickly. She has new friends (literally people she’s just met that night) at her home & around her kids. No idea if they are good people but ‘they’re her friends’. I’m the opposite, I don’t have friends, I don’t really understand how to be a friend, what to do, how to keep in touch etc. it just doesn’t enter my head to contact people so once I do meet friends it doesn’t last as I’m just not very present with them. I really try but I just don’t understand it. I don’t have any friends from school days, none from uni days etc.

my brother went another way, he constantly got in with the wrong crown, go sent to young offenders I don’t even remember how many times, he was constant sent down from about 15-20, then he’s done a few stints as an adult too. He just can’t keep away from the people he shouldn’t. He’s made his friendship groups inside prison & that’s continued into adulthood

i know it’s an extreme example but it’s a true example, it’s massively impacted all of us to the point when me & my husband bought our first house together I just couldn’t bear moving again & we’ve been here 18 years & just overpaid our mortgage to be mortgage free at 42 with two kids. I was determined to have stability for mine, I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone

That post was so moving. Did it influence how you choose to live your life afterwards? I hope you have a happy and settled life now op.

This is me. But we slightly rushed into this house and are living beyond our means esp as we don't have to live in south east for work any more Once the kids are finished school in suspect we may move

I've only had a quick buzz through the thread and the feedback is mostly neutral or negative. I wanted to give my (different) perspective. My family moved around a lot to make money from renovating and flipping houses. We always stayed at the same school though. My parents made decent money from it (1980s); money they could never have made from their day jobs. We lived in the houses while they were renovated and, yes, sometimes it was horribly dusty and we washed up in the bath while the builders renovated the kitchen etc. But it was also fun to "camp out" in our house. And fascinating to see builders altering the fabric of buildings, to be consulted (as I got older) on the options and and to decorate my bedroom in different houses. I learned really practical skills and am now an excellent DIYer and painter. The experience sparked a life-long interest in property. I even trained as a surveyor before moving to a different discipline. My husband and I are undertaking our own mammoth renovation and, because of my childhood experience, I'm not scared to do it. Unlike my parents, we won't make any money from it (we bought too high and its costing too much!) but that wasn't the aim; just to create our ideal family home. My teenage son is learning all the skills I learned so its quite a nice cycle.
Why the hell not, OP?! Kids are amazingly adaptable. Life is short..grab it by the balls!

We moved seven times altogether during my children’s childhood (we also renovated a lot of properties). The kids are adults now, and we’re all very close. In fact, once they’d left home (all except DD) we moved about fifteen miles away and they’ve all ended up buying houses within a couple of miles of ours!

We helped them out with deposits, which we couldn’t have done if we hadn’t made money from our house sales. It also meant that we were mortgage free by the age of 40, so there were lots of positives despite the stress (and dust!). I think that their experience has made them very adaptable.

However, despite all the house moves we did keep them in the same schools which meant quite inconvenient school runs for a period of time!

My dad was in the forces and we moved area and schools frequently. As a result i have no roots, no friends from childhood as facebook / mobile phones were not around then.

When DP talks about people he went to school with and has been friends with nearly all his life it makes me sad.

when my dad left the forces my parents bought a house when i was about 11 and i went to a new senior school and made friends, when i was in year 10 my mum moved us about 30 minutes away again. I had to start a new school at 15 and failed my exams because i couldnt get to grips with the way the school was taught. My mum moved us as she started a new uni course and didnt want to commute every day. Thanks mum.

I have lived in the same area for over 25 years, my kids have gone to school and moved out, not always had the same house but always lived near their school. Its not the town i would have chose but once the kids started school no way was i going to uproot them.

We moved from Scotland to Asia when I was 5. A few years after we moved to Norway for a year and then back to Scotland by the time I was eight. I was a child so had no responsibility for anything and none of it felt stressful or worrisome to me! I don’t even remember being upset about leaving friends etc. All felt like an adventure!

It maybe helped me learn how to make friends more easily, and certainly my sister is one of the most sociable people I’ve ever known. She also travelled loads before/during/after uni.

I think moving after primary age is probably a lot worse.

I’ve also moved a lot since leaving home at 18 - halls and then five different flats in uni city, moving back home most summers. Then I moved countries to be with DH where we lived in two flats and a house. Then we moved back to Scotland, moved in with my parents, then a rented flat, back to parents and finally we’re in our own house!

I just worked out the longest I ever fully lived in one house was my family home aged 8-18. Hopefully this will be my forever home.

My parents were not moving because of renovating then selling, so my experience doesn’t really align with the initial post.

My parents were and still are serial movers, generally for work and sometimes because they have also been serial splitters and reconcilers. We moved home, we moved countries, my brother and I were sent off to live with grandparents, we ‘returned’ but to a different nest. Rinse, shake, repeat. I have tried to spreadsheet locations, moves, reasons and so on, but it is partial and confused.

Did it have negative impacts? Yes and generally for the reasons others have cited. However, on the plus side I learned how to have friendships that I knew would end and got so much pragmatic wisdom passed on by my grandmother. The process was clearly formative and I am a bit more of a limpet than I might have been. It has meant that short term opportunities to work somewhere far away for a while hasn’t worried me too much though.

Schools? They never seemed to give it much thought. We would arrive somewhere and slot into wherever was available.

@HeChokedOnAChorizo My dad was in the forces and we moved area and schools frequently. As a result i have no roots, no friends from childhood as facebook / mobile phones were not around then.

Fb and mobiles weren't even thought of when i was a child. I still have the friends i had from my final school which was a high school and i attended for a couple of years. We've been friends for 50 years now.

We moved every 2 years but in same town. Dad doing up houses. Used to love going to school from the "old" house and coming back to the new house. Didn't affect us at all. Found it exciting. Great relationship with parents. And in my adult life I've done the same. Moved every three years or so. Kids have loved it too! No issues whatsoever