If you moved house frequently as a child

[Nosleepforthismum]

How do you feel about it now and what’s your relationship like with your parents?

My DH and I are nearing the end of a big renovation with lots of upheaval and two temporary sets of accommodation in the last 5 months before moving back home. We have two kids (2 & 1). It’s been stressful but also weirdly enjoyable and we’ll have made some decent money on the house when we come to sell.

I can’t help but feel like I want to keep going and sell up in a years time and do it all again (and maybe again after that). We’d be able to be mortgage free and financially we’d be able to set our kids up for life if we keep going while they are little. My DH is a builder and would work in between jobs to reduce the impact on family life but the kids would move house fairly frequently (every 2-3 years) and would spend some of that time living on a part building site.

A family member has expressed her horror we were considering this and thinks the children will be negatively impacted if we go down this route. Lots of “money doesn’t buy you happiness” chat but my overriding feeling that getting financial security is will be far more beneficial in the long run. The only thing I do agree on is not moving schools. Once they are at school they will not be moved.

Just wondered if anyone had experienced this with their parents and how it’s impacted on your life? Good and bad.

Very different circumstances, but as a child in the '80s, we moved every couple of years - both home and geographical location, but this was due to the wider context of a chaotic, alcoholic Mother.
I hated moving home so often, as I've always become attached to my surroundings. However, it was exacerbated by an unstable, unconventional familial environment, having to change schools frequently and no consistent, 'safe' adults in my life.

I was moved around a lot during my primary school years. My dad had to go where the work was.
Forces or diplomatic families do the same.

I think these days parents can worry too much about moving their kids around, home to home, school to school. It hasn’t done me or my siblings any harm. The only thing I regret is that I was a child in the USA when back in the UK I would have been learning decimals and fractions. Never have been able to grasp them!

Mine sounds similar to @Crazycatlady79 just a few years earlier.

I had lived in 6 houses in 4 countries by the time I was 10 years old (due to father's job).

My late-teens children have lived in the same house all their lives.

I went to more than ten schools, and I can't remember which houses I lived in when. I'd often get told the night before that I was moving the next day.

I don't want that for my own children. At most, our choice would be that they'll only move once above natural progression in schools.

I want them to have roots, and feel secure. I want them to be able to build attachments and friendships.

I lived in 5 different houses as a kid but in the same general area. I changed schools once due to moving so it wasn’t particularly unsettling.

DH moved loads. Initially as his DF was in RAF so they went where he was stationed, but when he left the RAF they moved about due to other jobs. DH went to several school, found it hugely unsettling and still feel resentful to some degree.

we moved into our current home just as oldest started primary and we are aiming to never move again. Who knows what will happen as life is up, but that’s the plan.

Not me but a cousin, moved frequently hated moving schools never felt settled anywhere and to this day it stays with her . I think if it's before school age and leads to buying somewhere and settling it isn't as bad .

I had lived in 10 houses by the time I was 18 , and 7 schools before I went to senior school when I had my own children it was important to me they went to the schools that fed from infants to seniors , however I do love to travel and have been to 52 countries so far .

Could you stay in one house and flip smaller houses to make money? I still remember negatively a big move when I was 5 and partly because of that will stay in same house whilst my children are young.

We moved a lot. It made me quite restless and I have had trouble setting down roots in my adult life. I want stability for my kids so have stayed put but I find it quite stifling and get bored when I live somewhere more than a few years.

My understanding is that there is a reasonable amount of credible evidence that moving house is a negative experience for DC especially multiple moves.

https://www.cpc.ac.uk/docs/2021PB655Movinghomeeduringchildhooddisittharmful.pdf

Frequent moves as a kid, unstable family life, countless schools, I found life chaotic and scary. I made sure my kids had a stable family life and we only moved home twice but made sure it was within the school catchment area.

I moved 8 times as a child. I wouldn’t say it negatively affected me too much but it did mean never had a strong sense of any house being home. Even now as an adult (when I don’t move all the time) I think I’m probably fairly weakly attached to where I live.

In your situation I’d be more concerned about living in a building site than the moves.

I moved loads as a kid and loads as an adult - I am the ultimate littlest hobo 😄. Doesn’t appear to have done our kids any harm 😄

Are all the houses in the same town? Is there a continuity of schooling and friends?

I lived in 9 different places in 3 countries in my first 17 years. I felt I didn't belong anywhere. The hardest question to answer as a child was "where are you from" to which I would invariably reply that I was from nowhere. As a result, since starting my own family I've never moved house.

DH did and it was extreme though, lots of doing up houses and moving about, a house a year at times - he is currently NC with his parents and says this caused massive instability. I’d never do it to my child. I would say that being in a consistent home is the biggest reason I turned out well against the odds.

We moved around a lot when I was a young child and what I think it’s done to me is make me very bad at staying in touch. Once I’m in a new environment the old is over. I guess I got good at not missing things.

But if you’re talking about being in the same area I can’t see the harm. My four year old has lived in four houses already and keeps asking when we can move again.

I had lived in eight different houses and attended five schools by the time I was twelve. It really impacted my ability to make and maintain friendships and I still struggle now.
We've lived in the same house for 28 years, our dc were born here. We've just extended as and when we needed.

I moved country regularly as a child! Some places were easier than others. Our accommodations were always "home", never felt unsettled about them.

Most of my childhood friends have the same background, we stayed quite close to each other, they don't have bad memories either.

Kids are a lot more resilient if you don't make a big deal out of things but take time and make a bit of effort to make them feel safe.

Some of us see our homes as a base, others like the idea of a forever home. I think it mades us a lot more open-minded, and not worried about travelling because it's not a big deal.

We moved a lot in my teenage years (5 x in 5 years) but I stayed in the same schools so there was consistency in that sense. If you move house and schools every time there's no denying it'll quickly become unsettling for your kids. It's not like they're gaining anything tangible with each move - they'll be too young to understand the long term benefits.

I'm a military brat and moved country quite frequently. Whilst I gained many experiences most wouldn't have the real problem was the fact that I went to 31 different schools, it wrecked my education and I never made any long-term friends.
I would say that if you do this please keep them in the same school, other than that many people who rent move every 6-12 months its not ideal but it is unfortunately common

I’m not sure moving house itself is the problem, more moving schools. I went to two different primary schools and two different high schools. Both moves were incredibly hard and I swore I would never put my own DC through moving school and having to start over with friends.

Agree with most others who've been through this. I have no attachment to friends now and have no sense of nostalgia over the past. It's shit.

I was a forces kid so moved houses and schools fairly regularly. Funnily enough it’s impacted my DB and I in completely different ways - polar opposite personalities.

I love going to new places, meeting new people, rarely feel attached to a house and would probably move a lot more if I didn’t have the kids. I enjoyed moving as a kid, seemed like an adventure.

My DB said he hated moving around so much as a child and has never and probably never will move from the one house he bought to raise his kids in.

I moved 12 times by the time I was 14. But only moved school once, i can’t say I found it particularly horrible but I think that is due to friendship, town, school and support systems staying the same despite the moves.
i do despise moving now as an adult, but I am incredibly efficient at it.