If you moved house frequently as a child

[Nosleepforthismum]

How do you feel about it now and what’s your relationship like with your parents?

My DH and I are nearing the end of a big renovation with lots of upheaval and two temporary sets of accommodation in the last 5 months before moving back home. We have two kids (2 & 1). It’s been stressful but also weirdly enjoyable and we’ll have made some decent money on the house when we come to sell.

I can’t help but feel like I want to keep going and sell up in a years time and do it all again (and maybe again after that). We’d be able to be mortgage free and financially we’d be able to set our kids up for life if we keep going while they are little. My DH is a builder and would work in between jobs to reduce the impact on family life but the kids would move house fairly frequently (every 2-3 years) and would spend some of that time living on a part building site.

A family member has expressed her horror we were considering this and thinks the children will be negatively impacted if we go down this route. Lots of “money doesn’t buy you happiness” chat but my overriding feeling that getting financial security is will be far more beneficial in the long run. The only thing I do agree on is not moving schools. Once they are at school they will not be moved.

Just wondered if anyone had experienced this with their parents and how it’s impacted on your life? Good and bad.

I have no childhood friends really, never stayed at a school long enough to make any lasting ones, I hated moving around so much , It definitely impacted me socially. If you’re planning to do this is stay within the same area so they don’t have to move schools

I had been to at least 6 primary schools and had moved house more than 10 times before the age of 10.
I don’t remember it affecting me as such but I do remember being “the new girl”
I also remember not really having friends outside of school because I was never in one place long enough to form them, so there wasn’t a lot of playing outside or going to the park etc with the neighbour kids because I never knew them.

it must have had some effect though as I remember when I was getting to the point of moving up to high school being very adamant and insisting strongly but politely (because I wanted it to be taken seriously) that I didn’t care how many house moves we did or how long my bus journey would be but that once I started high school I didn’t want to move schools again. Mum looked very surprised! But ultimately it must have worked because we did move house several times but I didn’t move schools!

to be honest they are young yet but once they get older and start forming proper friendships you are going to need to have some thoughts on how moving will impact them

also I should add though that my parents divorced when I was very young so while everything I said is true it’s also true that my father lived in a different town (from my mother so couldn’t be there during the week) but in the same house my whole childhood.
as it was rural I didn’t have any child friends there but unlike a lot of other posters I always had a tether to one place with the same neighbours and my father’s friendship group every weekend and holiday and I think it was a safety net because I definitely didn’t have that at my mothers.

I did.
It negatively effected me in an extreme way.
I was an only child though. It might be better if you have siblings.
I had a very strained relationship with my parents. Left home at 16.
I would never move my children unless absolutely necessary.

A money making idea that involves such huge disruption to family life is not a good one.

We moved house a lot, I went to 2 primary schools, 3 secondary schools and 2 colleges. Moved due to Dads job. I realise now that we didn't have a whole lot of choice - we tried a couple of times for Dad to commute/stay near work Mon-Fri but it didn't work long term.

I hated it at the time, so swore unless absolutely desperate, I wouldn't move house frequently with children.

Moved regularly but overall fine. I think the moving schools end was the harder bit as it did disrupt my education. I liked the moving bit and getting a new room.

I lived in 6 places (all far away from each other) between birth and age 7, 3 of those I was in different schools for, and 1 a preschool. However from starting year 3 at age 7, then stayed in the same house/school until I left for uni. No major building works involved until the last move, although a fair amount of DIY and decorating.

As a shy only child I have been surprised at enjoying it all overall. I remember being excited by new moves and enjoying the activity and excitement. I didn't mind moving schools as it seemed quite normal. I was perhaps lucky as I remember experiencing a lot of kindness from other children at my new schools who approached and befriended or looked after me, rather than bullying me.

I also find I have very vivid memories and can remember quite a lot back to age 4 as memories are easily placeable in my timeline based on where they were, compared to friends who lived in one place who find it difficult to pinpoint when a memory took place or how old they were in it.

On the other hand I did really appreciate having a home, forming roots and not moving schools from age 7. That's where I am 'from' when asked.

I do wonder in hindsight whether the moving around contributed to me generally getting on well with anyone and everyone, but mainly having acquaintances or situational friends, or if that's just down to my personality.

I do have some friends who I've known since school, and feel I was able to get the best of both worlds.

i was an only child during that time of our lives and my mom was my best friend.
so the fact that her and my dad couldn't make up their minds where to live wasn't that bad. i adapted well moved at ages 3, 6, 9, and 11.
i don't remember much about the move at 3 but remember the home from the age of 5+, at 11 i knew we had found our community but i knew the home/an apartment was 100% temporary (although it lasted until i left home/finished college). my brother was born when i was 11 yrs, and he only lived in the apartment till about 8 yrs of age then the same home with my parents till 30+.

I went to 5 primary schools and lived in 10 different addresses by the time I was 16.
The moves were far apart and due to a wider picture of family of chaos..

I've definitely been left with issues as a result of the instability which for years I thought was just me being a bit odd. But from reading this thread I realise it's not. I find answering the 'where are you from?' question uncomfortable and I don't form attachments in the way others do.

I notice it more now that my DCs are teens. The depth of their friendships as a result of knowing people for so long is so different to mine.

We moved a lot and I always envied friends who hadn’t. You could feel the layers of love built up over the years in their homes.

Thank you all so much for your responses. Lots to think about. Some of you have been through a lot (especially those who attended multiple schools).

I moved around a lot when my parents got divorced and moved schools once. I got lucky with the school move and made friends easily that I still have to this day. I think like lots of you who have lived in different houses, I don’t really have any attachment to mine but it’s really interesting to hear about siblings who have been affected completely differently (like my brother who’s in his forever home already).

If you’re staying in same town I don’t think it matters to much, but if constantly changing schools kids hate that.

Moved often up until age of 11 (every 18 months - 2 years). No adverse impact at all. Great relationship with parents.

I do think it was easy because DPs made every move seem exciting, leading to something new and better. It's only as an adult I now appreciate their skill in helping us adjust.

This is so far from the kind of childhood I aspired my children to have I am struggling to get past the concept. Most people prefer calm and settled homes to raise their children. Ones where they make friends, secure attachments and feel safe.

You will be distracted, busy parents for the most precious parts of their lives, why would you do that? Living in constant building works is stressful and dangerous to toddlers. The moves are disruptive. There is no upside at all apart from making a bit of money - but what are the costs and sacrifices?

Mine is a different scenario as I had to move hundreds of miles away but I'll never quite forgive my mum for making me do it.

Circumstances meant we moved a few times when the DC were of primary school age, which also meant changing schools.
They asked us not to move them from their senior schools, so we didn't.
We moved house once, but within the area.

I think moving children around a schools regularly is selfish to be honest. Being the new kid is tough, why would you actively want them to do that when instead you and your husband can enjoy your lovely home and work normal jobs?

I agree with your relatives, money isnt everything. You need enough but I wouldn't be destabilising my children's childhoods for it.

I think it’s important to say that it’s not just making a bit of money. It’s making large amounts of money that will allow us to get mortgage free, to provide our kids with sizeable house deposits and to pay for their uni fees.

It’s going to be difficult to get the right balance but I think staying in the same area and not moving schools will be key.

I moved around a lot late 70 early 80s I recall making my option choices at one school moving part way through gcse years and then being forced to catch up on coursework - copying someone else. When I moved from wales to clitheroe I was made to sit at the back of the class and post with plastercine as I was considered just drifting through for six months. As a teacher now, let me reassure you we don’t let that happen now.

I went to 9 schools, lived in 2 countries/3 cities, 8 houses. The house moves were not the problem. It was changing schools, so always being the new kid. Deeply affected my sense of self.

I think the "living on a building site" part is the part you'll have to manage - will they be allowed friends round etc. I had a friend whose parents did this, and they made sure she could still have friends over, they kept a chunk of garden secured off so we could play it in.

We moved house regularly but I didn't attend too many schools. I never minded moving house but I did find the school moves hard.

I think it might not be ideal but if it will be transform your lives and you can keep them in the same schools it might be manageable with care and thought.

I moved frequently as a child. Just when I was starting to settle somewhere, after a couple of years we moved again. I have no proper childhood friends, although I'm still in touch with a couple of people. My education experience was rubbish, constantly repeating material, missing out on important topics, etc. my situation however also involved a highly unstable mother and a string of abusive boyfriends so there were other factors at play. I am no longer in touch with my mum, or rather she won't speak to me. So our relationship is non existent. I know some kids who moved once or twice and settled just fine, but a lack of stability is never good

Have experience of international moving with DC but I'm not sure it's really in anyway comparable. If you stick with the same schools and keep furniture & what's inside the house largely the same I think you'll be fine. Financial security is important and most things in life are a trade off.

We moved roughly every two years as my parents had pubs. While at primary this involved a change of school as we'd move town but I only went to one high school. It was awful, I was never anywhere long enough to make real friends while little.

I don't have a relationship with my parents now but this isn't down to the moves, but more to how they treated me. My brother has limited contact when he has to.

My children have moved once within the same area. They've both only been to one primary and hopefully one high school inc sixth form.

Moving schools was the disruptive but rather than house moves. Having to start with whole new friendship groups again, losing good friends, not fitting in etc.