Brother and I can’t eat in public

[Voi]

Slightly exaggerated title but not a million miles off.

So brother and I have similar issues. We both cannot eat in the work canteen or partake in colleagues’ bakes. We have the same rationale. Why would I eat a big lunch (Shepherds pie) or sweet treat if I am not in a relaxed environment? Ie the food is not as yummy as it could be if it were eaten at home. As a result neither of us tend to eat lunch or breakfast during the work week. We do not work or live together but realised we have the same issue.

We both could never eat a McDonalds for example in the restaurant, would have to bring home to enjoy. But we can go out to a ‘proper’ sit down restaurant and enjoy a meal. So not that bad.

Just curious if you have come across this issue before?

I’m not saying the way I eat is healthy/right.

Healthy weights perhaps but not healthy minds.

Why don’t you eat breakfast at home before work then?
Edit: I see you have already answered this, sorry!

Do you have the recipe by any chance? 😅

I don't like eating in public at all
My brain says people will be looking at me thinking "that's why she's fat" and stuff like that

This can’t be good for you - what do you eat for your tea during the week?

Find it odd personally! As a teenager I was a bit funny with eating round people – but that more social anxiety (and unwelcome).

That being said, I do prefer it sometimes to eat something really delicious quietly. Sometimes DH waffles at me and distracts from the experience 😂

No, never heard of this. I think it's very likely you've both internalised some fixed ideas from one of your parents or some atypical childhood experiences. The fact your other brother hasn't got this issue doesn't argue against that.

People can have all sorts of quirks around food and family patterns and traditions. I think the only question really is are you both happy with this one or do you want to change it? It sounds very limiting not being able to enjoy eating ever in places you spend a good chunk of your life.

I get this. I like to enjoy my food when I eat so why would I eat if I can't relax? I also don't really snack eg I don't eat crisps or on the go type foods. I often just wait, there's no issue with it just don't go into situations. I only eat when I'm actually hungry as well, not just because the clock says it is what society considers and appropriate time for a meal. It's fine, do what suits you.

I was going to say something similar. I remember our whole school (private, all girls) getting a telling off because some older girls had been seen eating in the street, in school uniform. This was disgraceful behaviour, apparently. Eating in a work canteen or a restaurant would be fine, though.

But you can eat in public. You just pick and choose what you will eat in public

Ahahahaha didn't take long did it
'WeVe lOsT sIgHt oF wHaT a NoRmAl mEaL sHoUlD lOoK lIkE'

OP I can understand not wanting to eat a big meal in a non-relaxed setting. I never liked eating tea with the kids when they were younger, because I couldn’t enjoy my meal whilst getting them water, cleaning up mess, dealing with moaning etc. I preferred to wait till they were in bed so I could actually enjoy my food.
But why not have a sandwich or a snack at work? Because surely you must be uncomfortably starving by the end of the day.

My Mum passed on similar behaviour to me but then I exaggerated it and have experienced anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia and binge eating as an adult.

I've done A LOT of work on myself and the disordered relationship I have with food.

There's a few (UNTRUE) internal core beliefs I have / had that would drive a similar approach to OP:

• my value as a human is directly linked to my size and shape
• this extends to equating the quality of what I eat to my value as a person
• I see fat people as less that, they are greedy and lazy and controlling my food intake is a superior quality
• people who waste food or eat badly are stupid / less than. Food purity is aspirational so super healthy, no waste
• food is therefore given an INSANE value as when restricting it was so scarce I couldn't waste a single calorie on something that wasn't 100% perfect.
• but then the bizarre contradiction is that I am mentally not allowed to throw any food away as I am not good enough to waste food / money on making something else. It must ALL be eaten eventually - even if that means eating manky / not nice leftovers above cooking something new and fresh

I'd say there's all sorts of stuff hidden behind your own behaviour and you are very lucky that it's not spiralled into anything more damaging.

I'd also guess that you currently have no idea of any of this as it's so ingrained / how you were brought up

I suppose its only a problem if its a problem! Like you being hungry during the day and not feeling able to eat or thoughts of eating in those settings causing serious anxiety.
Otherwise....meh.

Im not that bad but alot of people in my place of work will bring in full dinners (I work nightshifts), order take aways or eat at their desks.
Personally I could never do any of that. I only eat on my break or tucked away in the kitchen!

I had a friend at uni who was similar. He couldn't or wouldn't eat in public at all, only at home.

I sometimes wonder if he ever overcame his problems as he's now in quite a senior role.

I think I know what you mean - I generally only want to eat things like Chinese food at home in my pyjamas where I can relax and pig out 😀

Hmm I have a less severe version. I can eat in public but I much prefer eating on my own in private. It's only happened since having children and I will often wait until the kids have gone to school before having breakfast. For the same reason I don't like having lunch while in the middle of an intense piece of work (my work needs concentration) I feel like I can't properly enjoy it while I'm stressed or distracted.

Yes I get this

I do buy nice lunches when I'm in the office but some things need to be enjoyed so I need to be able to sit at home, tv on etc whereas DH sometimes stands in the kitchen and eats. This seems pointless to me although I know it's not pointless.

I don't eat around people I work with. I never have done. I'd rather sit in my car and eat lunch than be in the canteen. If I'm off out to a restaurant then that's fine because the chances are I'll never see those sitting at other tables again. I can eat in front of strangers/close family/close friends, but somebody who is little more than a colleague or an acquaintance nope, not doing it.

Hated eating I the office especially if someone comments on what you eat, one of the many reason I love WFH!

I can't eat a proper meal if I'm feeling "wound up" in some way - worrying about something, on the move, watching the clock to get back to work/leave the house on time/do a task etc. It just destroys my appetite.

I'm a healthy weight and eat a varied diet, I just get most of my calories in the evening.

I had something similar when I was about 12. I had a phobia of eating in front of people, just couldn't do it I wouldn't be able to swallow food. I lost a lot of weight and as I was skinny anyway looked dreadful, it was solved by being allowed off the school premises to get food to eat alone

No I've not come across this before. Good food is good food! Obviously it will be even more enjoyable in good company and in a nice setting, but that certainly doesn't mean I can't enjoy food "in public" and don't really get that concept at all. In fact, lunch at work is always a highlight of my day (I'm lucky that the food is excellent!).

McDonalds is pretty bad wherever. Though if anything I'd probably tolerate it better "on the road". Once home I'd probably be even more aware how much worse it is than anything I'd make at home. Whereas if you are eg. on a car journey it kind of fits.

And I only really enjoy fish and chips on the beach.

I've an in-law who cannot eat in front of anyone. Anywhere.

Some people don't est when stressed/ in a stressful environment. If you're not even feeling hungry without eating it's likely something is stressing you out. It's more likely with neurodiversity of different kinds as well, as they can be overstimulated by stressors and lose appetite.