To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

She's in nursery 2 days a week and preschool 2 days a week, we use the 30 funded hours and pay the remainder, works out around £200 per month. Since from September onwards OP should be able to get 15 hours funded, this £1700 bill she claims to have (and I'm yet to see a nursery charging £100 per day so I'm wary of this claim) will drop considerably and his £730 contribution will be way more than half.

I would have assumed that he would be liable for 50% of the nursery bill plus a good bit of maintenance and it’s disappointing that a parent can just up and leave with such minimal financial ramifications.

even with a student loan and 5% pension, net income is still over £4K a month. £700 is pitiful.

What an absolute waste of space he is.

Don't be ridiculous, of course I have had a baby. And the funded hours cost is about £100 a month for 2 days a week, or nothing at all for preschool. She's been in 2 nurseries, one in the SE and one in the NW and both were around £70 per day.

A quick search for nursery fees in the south east…

This is one near me. £1787.50 per month.

That’s significantly more than most people will get. Yes it seems very unfair when they are in nursery but it will pay for a lot more once nursery fees are no longer part of the equation.

I feel that cms should be calculated taking into account whether the child needs to attend nursery as it is unfair that mothers are left in this position paying more of the fees as an % of salary to enable themselves to work.

The comments saying the OP is “stinking rich” are ridiculous. £46k with those childcare costs and that contribution from the father does not make her rich.

I wonder if the person who made that particular comment has young children now and where she has lived. If this is London, Surrey or the part of East Anglia I live in, this is quite a normal full time nursery cost.

Why should the father contribute so much less and why is the expectation that the mum cut her working hours and thus pension entitlements etc.? Good fathers don’t expect this. They pay more than the bare minimum because they understand what things cost and they want the best for their kids. Anyone who disagrees with that is just contributing to a very outdated idea about whose responsibility children are or should be.

OP doesn’t want to claim UC. It’s the NRP on £80k relying on benefits to raise their child.

It is a lot or not quite enough depends how you look at it.

CMA etc payments are not factored into Uc claims etc so basically the state is paying for the father to not pay more.

V

the father still has to live and provide the same level of basic care the mother has. So also has to have a resealable amount to live on.

The choices are;

we keep paying for people to split up
we make dads destitute
we ignore the above problems and have loads more kids in poverty

AND whilst I am in my soap box, the reason loads of kids are in poverty. Is because of selfish adults. Who breed without thinking of consequences and then blame the state for their poor decisions

No the nursery costs are so both parents can work. Not so she can work or paying her to go to work. Her employer pays her to go to work. Did I just wake up in 1955?

lolololol 😂 Ok Boomer

It’s not a very high income.

No it isn't. Average daily rate for nurseries in London is £7.30ph for under 2s, which works out as £73 in a 10 hour day.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/london-childcare-costs-highest-in-country-nursery-fees-childminders-b1059916.html

Agree . An absolute disgrace. Many PPs have a very low bar and am guessing most are Mothers ! The message is that Fathers can piss off and leave their children with a very low standard of living. No wonder there are many women in abusive marriages and cannot afford to leave!!

@boozeclues
the father still has to live and provide the same level of basic care the mother has. So also has to have a resealable amount to live on.

But in OPs case the ex doesn't see the child so isn't providing the same level of basic care.

Same as my ex didn't need a house big enough for our DCs as he refused to have them for more than 6 hours per week. And even that was only when he didn't have other plans.

It’s ridiculous. My dad paid £5 a week despite owning a house and a caravan, and going on multiple holidays a year. My mum was on minimum wage. What can you do with these men?!

No, it’s not fair … or just
but it sounds about right and far more than many others get
absent parents rarely pay their fair share
the only way to change things, is to vote for change in the polls

I’m only 3 pages in to this thread and comments like those from TVD2103 make me realise why I took a break from MN.

Im pretty sure this forum has been largely infiltrated by incels. Or is there just a new wave of younger posters who have yet to build up intelligent, reality-based opinions?

For a so-called feminist website a lot of women really don't seem to like other women on here.

Op works and pays 1700 for nursery.

I think it's great some people find full time nursery for 100 a month plus an old tambourine and a shiny nickel, but in bigger cities it's bloody expensive.

Her partner left. Walked out and left her with a baby to look after.

I'm not concerned if he has to sacrifice more income.

They should not be taking home equal amounts. She absolutely should have more, she has the baby to pay for!

OP, I’m with you. You are going to be stuck with more of the costs and it IS bullshit. Saying other people have it worse… well shouldn’t we be trying to help them?!

It would be much better if CMS was based on the actual cost of raising the child and the NR parent should have to bloody well figure out how they’re going to manage because having a kid full time is bloody inconvenient no matter how much you love them. The residential parent should if anything get to have a little more spare cash to compensate!

And it should be a right for both parents to work and CMS should cover the cost of childcare because it’s better for children not to grow up in or close to poverty and better for society if their parents are working! Never mind worrying about how it’s better for the mothers mental health if she wants to work…

I am in your age group but what the hell your reply is the reason so many women stay in abusive marriages! Why should the Mother be 80% financially responsible,along with the general parenting ie sickness,counselling,homework etc.

On another thread, she says she is a teacher. Well, she certainly posts like a young child. I hope it isn’t true as the idea of sexist people like this teaching the next generation is just awful.

I posted an hour or so ago but feel somewhat relieved that it would seem the grown ups may have entered the discussion. Earlier posts were at best naive on costs of childcare, cost differences in different locations and at worst so low bar that childcare costs are the mothers as you choose to work or it's lots of CMS (relative for sure but not here in SE and not when dad is on 80k ) and sadly dad gets to walk away over and over again with no consequences.

Of course he should pay half the costs of the child he created. Any other argument just makes no sense to me. To the posted saying nursery costs are for you to work. I’m sorry what? He can only work because the child is at nursery/op is taking care of them! The amount of people on this thread who simply want a race to the bottom is astounding

Im pretty sure this forum has been largely infiltrated by incels. Or is there just a new wave of younger posters who have yet to build up intelligent, reality-based opinions?

I think it's the new wave of younger women. They seem to have terrible terrible issues with their self esteem.