To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

I paid nursery fees of £1000pm in 2004 for an under 3 so I’m not sceptical that OP is paying £1700 twenty years later. I was living in the outskirts of the M25 at the time.

NRP should have access to an interest fee government loan specifically for 50% of nursery fees which they repay to the government separate to CM. I wonder how many NRP start seeing their kids even one day a week to save money ?

You must be a man.
How is she supposed to pay the bills to give THEIR child a home and keep him fed and clothed without working? That CMS payments isn't going to cover it.

Why is the childcare just paying for mum to work rather than paying for mum and dad to work?

But how would the OP live without working??

I just wanted to commiserate with all the single mothers that are left high and dry by these pathetic men. Men that can so easily walk away from their children without a backward glance. Condemning them to hardship whilst going about their lives as if their own children don't exist. It's not only the financial implication but the emotional, mental and social difficulties it also causes. Looking after small children on your own with no help apart from paid childcare can be soul crushing. Having to juggle work and drop offs and pick ups, illness, holidays and inset days is exhausting. Not having any time to yourself or to just be able to breathe and think straight is priceless. These are things that child maintenance can't cover. The crushing weight of inescapable responsibility that comes with being a lone parent. No one has a child thinking their partner is going to walk away and screw their child over. The responsibility is on both parents to be a present, loving parent that wants the best for their child - it shouldn't be acceptable to society that not doing these things is OK. Deadbeat dad's should be social pariahs, people especially other woman should be repulsed by them but sadly that's not the case. My ex husband became abusive during my pregnancy and I separated from him when my twins were 4 days old. I have no family to support me. He has done everything possible to evade paying any maintenance and doesn't see his children at all. His family also don't see my sons. He denied they were his children, we had dna testing done, finally a calculation was done for the grand sum of £296 per month. He has managed to get this reduced repeatedly through increasing pension contributions and getting his boss (a friend) to pay him cash and reduce the hours going through the books. Currently he has to pay £216 a month for 2 children that I have 100% of the time and have a £1500 pm nursery bill. I couldn't find a childminder with any space where I live so that wasn't an option. I'm self employed and do claim. UC but I now have pressure from because now my children are 3 I should be earning more. I have been working since my children were 6 months old. There is no such pressure on him to support his children. I have argued with the Cms, raised non payments and contact my MP - nothing has changed and it never will until these issues impact on men. Until they are the ones left "holding the baby" nothing will change. The toll this takes on your mental, emotional and physical health can't be compensated for in my opinion. To the OP I say no it's not fair regardless of your income and anyone that thinks it is should be ashamed of themselves.

It's fucking despicable the state of the CMS in this country.

You're lucky that YOU have a decent job and a good income, else like some surrendered wife commented, you'd be forced to drop your hours or even your entire job as it wouldn't be affordable to you. The job that you couldn't progress in as much because you had the much wanted child that he clearly changed his mind about

Dickhead.

I don’t think it can be correct, I know someone who paid £500 on less wages, with three kids of their own with the second family and a house to pay for

It seems a lot of money but is relatively small amount on his wages, and he’s not paying much towards his child . Has he got a huge housing cost? As I don’t think they take anything else into account, and op don’t really take much note of that sometimes.
Perhaps he’s paying loads into his pension ?

£70 a day is way below average.
Children under two - A full-time (50 hours) nursery place for a child under two costs on average £15,709 per year (52 weeks) in the UK.

An absolutely fantastic post.

But it’s still not half the costs is it ? Why are people making this a race to the bottom. It’s not fair, but the view of MN seems to be suck it up and be grateful.

OP I agree that it’s not enough!

However please spare a thought for us mothers whose ex DP chooses to hide their income and pays a measly £200 a month for 2 children. And has done for the last 7 years 😡the nursery days were pretty tough tbh

You are opening up yourself up to some judgement here. The figures you have given will suggest a significantly high income and cms award to many but I understand, for example, that if you live in London then the cost of living is much higher so it’s all relative. Just maybe needs further context?

OP, you have my sympathies and it is unjust. Parents should bear 50/50 financial responsibility for the upbringing of their child until they reach adulthood. Any comments regarding absolute values you are getting, access to various benefits or other random comments about giving up your career to compensate for the lack of equity, are simply missing your point. Who knew it was 2024!

Was probably saying this tongue in cheek, as posters on here seem offended that the OP was complaining about the amount she is going to receive from her pretty well off ex. Surely it doesn’t matter if Sally down the road only gets £7.00 a week from her feckless ex. Everybody’s situation is different. Why do women not support each other in this type of situation, instead of getting bitter because someone else is potentially getting more than them? Her ex absolutely should pay half towards his child’s nursery fees on that sort of salary. That should be a given, not something the OP should have to suck up herself.

I just read the entire thread and I am lost for words at the incredibly low bar for men in general.

When a man walks out and leaves a women with children, not only has the household lost an entire second income but the women is then left with all the unpaid labour associated with raising children.
All the childcare, cooking, cleaning, the schedules for the kids all fall on mum. Meanwhile dad throws a bit of money in the general direction. Perhaps see the kids a few days a month and posters on here are saying that OP is lucky.

i receive a higher CMS payment than the OP and I can tell you I feel far from lucky. I feel absolutely mentally and physically exhausted daily. I have not a moment to myself ever. I feel like I am drowning in responsibilities and trying to manage everything with home and work alone. Meanwhile their dad takes multiple holidays and has built up an amazing career as he has zero childcare responsibilities. He literally has the freedom to do whatever he wants. I feel mad at times at the unfairness of it all. Who wouldn’t. He is financially set and I am seriously concerned for my future ability to ever retire.

As other have said. It’s not a race to the bottom. We should be supporting other women. Too many men get away with just walking away. Society should be shunning these men, instead people praise them or simply shrug their shoulders as “well plenty of men do it”. That does not make it right. Male privilege is not something to be supporting.

£7.30 ph for under 2s, so £73 per day.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/london-childcare-costs-highest-in-country-nursery-fees-childminders-b1059916.html

Blimey. This thread makes me feel sick - why do so many women think it’s ok for fathers not to contribute half of what their child costs to raise? Why should a mother who wishes to continue to work be penalised? I don’t understand how anyone thinks this is acceptable. @whatnowws i’m really sorry you’re in this position, I think it’s ridiculous too, not that it’ll help.

Are you mad?
The man works.
The woman works.
The child is cared for by nursery while they both work.
Why should the fees nor be split?

That doesn’t make it ok, just because it’s normally even worse doesn’t make OPs situation good!

He’s a loser!! Make sure you keep screen shots/emails/letters of all the chasing and amount he paid after being chased - for your child to see what a loser he was when he’s an adult. I suspect he will make contact then and give his tainted sob story of why he couldn’t maintain contact or pay his way for his child.

Because women are always in the wrong, whatever they do.

Damned if they do, damned if they don't

'Twas ever thus and it appears that many people (including some women) think it always should be, sadly.

I got £0 from dds dad so that seems like a huge amount to me but I get what you're saying op.

I think I'd try and frame it that you get the benefit of having your lovely son to yourself, you don't have to share him with your useless ex.

The nursery costs will soon go down.

Make sure you are claiming everything you're entitled to.

Well, when I'm at work and DH isn't, he does this thing called parenting. That could be an option for the OP's ex too. Except, her ex doesn't want to. So, he should contribute to childcare costs.

He almost certainly won't, but he should.

he walked out on ds. I didn’t walk out on ds. But I have a financial penalty for not being a cunt?

Yes him walking out is the cause of this financial penalty.
Its disgraceful what he is doing and its awful that this has fallen on you but yes, if a parent decides to leave and cut ties, it's just up to the other parent to step up and take the extra on for the child.

Its not fair but there is no alternative as you cant force or push someone to be a parent. All you can do is push for financial support which you have.

Luckily your child has you.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Actually his net salary is about £4500 a month so £700 is only about 15%. For his children! It should be 50% so I can see why you are annoyed.

There are SO MANY threads about the CMS and how unbelievably shit it is. It is absolutely not fair, a complete piss take to women and resident parents who get F all support. I have a friend who was awarded £7. £7!!!!! I was speechless. It tells you everything you need to know about what the current government thinks of women. You have my full sympathy op I wish you all the best for you and your son. Xxx