To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Yes neither the Mother or Father in these scenarios pay taxes it would of course only be your money paying anything.

And the question is, why aren't they? Why are women, almost invariably, left to deal with the responsibility of their children's upbringing once the father has decided to leave the family home? And why are so many men allowed to get away with choosing to opt for 50/50 shared custody simply in order for them not to have to pay any maintenance and yet also leave all the parental responsibility with the mother (caring during illness, medical appointments, after-school care, extra-curricular activities, school uniform, clothing and shoeing and so much more) as we so often see on here?

And for all those saying "cut down your hours and apply for UC" why should the state pick up the tab when the child's own father should be paying? This just leaves less money to spread around everyone else.

OP's income isn't MASSIVE - the average annual pre-tax salary is almost 40k (rounded up), so OP earns a bit more than UK average.

Also, another PP said why should her ex pay for her to go to work, i.e. nursery costs are the mother's costs, nothing to do with the father. Why? Doesn't the father have any obligation to look after this child?

I.e. the mother needs to fund nursery out of her salary, the father can expect to keep working without any financial impact - why?

I simply don't believe these people who say they are raising a family on a quarter of OP's salary. It's just not possible. Either they have no mortgage or rent costs which means they are insanely privileged (and hypocritical) or they are getting UC top ups which will increase their income. I do earn less than OP but I also get UC and I don't think £44k is a "massive" salary. It's ridiculous.

So your ex is responsible for half of your ds costs

That's not household bills as he will have his own house to pay. That's childcare, clothes, food, clubs etc

Cms looks at father's earnings and calculates what they consider a fair portion of wage. I assume that's roughly 25% after tax, ni etc.

And you earn roughly half so basically this goes on your child's monthly expenses being around £1100.

Unfortunately your childcare is exceptionally high. In my area it's around £900.

Things may even out a bit more once your child starts school.

Is it also possible to get half his assets / pension in a divorce settlement. The ‘don’t get mad get everything’ mantra? Or is that an old myth?

Sorry to hear this op and you are right it is not fair that he is not paying half of nursery costs. People on this thread are
making it a race to the bottom- they should not be saying it’s fine because they get less

When DS is at school, it will be close because the childcare costs are the main issue. But tbh, the goal isn't to bring OP's income to the same as her ex - that's not the point of CMS.

Everyone has been talking about OP's ex's income being so huge in comparison to OP's but the figures show that isn't the case at all.

Of course he shouldn't just get to walk away. He's obviously an absolute shit.

But financially it seems pretty fair to me. OP will have to pay out more now, but when DS is in school she'll get more than is probably fair. So swings and roundabouts really.

He's on £80k and she's on £46k but she's going to have a higher income - but she'll also also higher expenditure temporarily.

I just found it surprising that OP would actually have more coming in than the "loaded" ex.

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not defending him at all. Walking away from your parental responsibilities is inexcusable. And of course if he were a decent person he'd be paying over and above the minimum to cover the current higher costs.

It's just that PP were referring to the ex as having a ton more money than the OP but that just doesn't seem to be the case - especially if you factor in the childcare savings. It surprised me when I looked at the actual figures.

But where does she get the ‘extra income now’that she needs to find from thin air from? Is op expected to take in ironing to cover the nursery years?

My entire household income is far less than OPs. Not quarter, that would be almost impossible unless there are no housing costs.

But it is possible. 44k sounds like untold riches to me. I still think OPs ex should have to pay more.

Haha have you seen how unserious this country is about CMS? You’re saying the father ‘should’ provide everything you’ve listed, but who’s going to make sure that he does? Certainly not the government so what is OP supposed to do? Not claim benefits alongside her job and just hope that one day this excuse of a man comes to his senses?

If the government was smart, they would take out an adequate chunk of a man’s salary and give it to the mother of his child/children which means that she gets less benefits. The country doesn’t care about making men pay what they owe, OP and her DC shouldn’t suffer because of that

I totally take your point - why should you be paying well over half the costs of your joint child, just because he decided to leave, and he earns much more than you.

It’s a fair point.

CMS is notoriously crap though, and the figure you’ve cited doesn’t surprise me - it’s about what I’d have guessed at had you asked.

it should be a crime. The ex should be jailed if he is unwilling to pay. It should be taken from his salary prior to it being paid to him. It can be done easily.

There’s a reason why I asked whether she private rents or have a mortgage, thanks. Most sites like EntitledTo aren’t accurate. These calculation websites told my sister she wouldn’t get anything yet she gets roughly £600 a month and she’s on 54K

It should be but it won’t be. The government doesn’t care

i get 3.50 a week

But that’s not the point is it? People on here are comparing with their own situation, or other people they know. It’s all relative, and I think it’s rubbish that someone on that kind of money doesn’t have to pay 50% of childcare costs, in addition to the money he is paying to keep a roof over his sons head, food, clothes etc. Might be more beneficial OP for you to work part time, or reduce your income down and claim benefits.

Yes but op, when nursery stops, he will still be paying 780, possibly more, if his salary increases, (although of course the opposite can happen) , and he will be paying way way more than half, and for the next 13 years after your child starts school. So you win.

you pay more now, for what 3 or 4 years depending on how old your child is now, and for 13 or 14 years after that he pays more.

i recently had to work all our living costs out for a divorce and the basic living costs with no holidays of luxuries came in at £3,500 per month with two children. We live in an average 3 bed in the south east. That’s 42k a year. I don’t think the OPs wage is high at all.

I weep every time I see a CM thread, because I just know all the deadbeats and deadbeat enablers will be here telling the OP she should be grateful if she gets more than the minimum £7 per week ☹️.

Don't misunderstand me, I totally get it.

I don't know what the answer is immediately - medium to long term there's help with childcare costs via various schemes, plus the option to try and source cheaper childcare.

But short term, honestly, fuck knows. It's an awful situation to be in and I really hope OP has the finances that enable her to get through this period.

And as I said earlier, her ex is an absolute shit to just walk away and leave her to figure out how to afford everything for their child, as well as taking care of him in practical terms. I can completely understand why she's so angry.

My comment was really just to try and show that the ex's income isn't as high as PP seemed to be insinuating. It's actually quite shocked me that OP would effectively end up with more (before costs) because her salary is substantially lower than his!!

The problem is with the way CMS is calculated - if it was worked out to include childcare costs, OP would probably get less in the medium/long term but more in the short term, but that might be preferable? Obviously that isn't an option but maybe it would be a better system.

It’s bull shit.
if you didn’t provide the things your ds needs you’d be up for neglect charge. Yet the non resident parent doesn’t have to.
it’s bull shit and totally unfair.

Curious how the OP "wins" as previous PP puts it. She's a single parent raising her child alone- I don't think £780 per month of a £80k salary is a victory.

I think it’s a lot but also I do agree he should pay half of childcare fees and it’s bonkers that there is nothing that can make him do that!