To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

It's really nasty of you to be insulting people who are just trying to help you.

OP, I'm bewildered by the people going 'ooh that's loads of money, he must be a good bloke'.

This is not about amounts, it is about percentages- my ExH is a high earner, I am not (irrelevant as he doesn't pay anyway- enforcement is a whole other story...!) but I pay all of my salary and accrue debts every month to raise my 3 children. I do not have enough in my salary to pay our basic costs. His salary is more than 5x as much as mine and when he does pay he pays 10% of his salary towards the children. What's the fucking point? How do people in an office work this out?!! (Also I did do the calculator for my salary and the children living with him- it was 20% of my salary as I am not over the CMS cut off higher earning level- why the fuck they have that is beyond me...!)

As for the people saying 'child benefit! Universal credit!'
Why are benefits expected to pick up the slack left by the fathers who could (in the circumstances OP and I are describing) pay that amount and more for their own children?!

Sorry, but somes people's maths here are wildly off. He does not earn nearly double after tax and NI is taking into account, it's more like 55%.

Assuming each parent contributes 5% each year to their pension,.OP will receive £2900 and exDP will receive £4,500. £700 of that is given to OP bringing her income to £3600. Plus Child Benefit of £1,331 per year equates to them nearly having the same income.

Should he be contributing more to help with childcare costs? Absolutely, I don't think that's up for debate. But the man is hardly Swimming in money either.

That amount is about right (in the sense of correctly calculated).

Morally, it is utterly unreasonable that the parent who stays is hit with such a huge financial penalty.

As the main (only?) parent the child benefit will come to you too, which helps a bit. Its unlikely that you’ll be able to claim anything else.

People will tell you that it gets fairer as you move out of nursery years but in my experience that isn’t the case by the time you pay for after school and holiday care.

Infuriating!

Tell me you have never been responsible for a baby without telling me that.

The nursery is not expensive. Free hours usually require payments for meals and nappies that are expensive, apparently babies do not need nappies, wipes, milk in the evenings when they are at nursery. Their clothes and all the baby equipment are also free as is travel to and from nursery.

The people she is insulting are not trying to help her at all. They're telling her she should be grateful and to work part time. She's been perfectly civil to those who are giving reasonable suggestions.

Is the CMS shit? Yes
Should a parent be able to walk away and not have to pay half the costs of raising a child? No

I think most of us agree that CMS is wildly out of date and not fit for purpose. OP, I'm sorry you've been left with all the practical responsibilities - it really is unfair.

However, I do think it's worth looking at the actual figures we're talking about here because they're quite surprising when you look at net income.

I'm assuming no contribution to pensions, this is just the basic income:

Ex (OP says nearly £80,000 but I've rounded it up to £80,000)

Take home salary: £4683
Minus CMS of £730

Net income = £3953 per month

OP salary - £46,000

Take home salary: £2998
Plus £730 CMS
Plus £400 UC (multiple PP have checked and found OP is entitled to £400)
Plus Child Benefit £100

Net income = £4228 per month

So OP will actually have £275 MORE per month than her ex when all income and deductions are factored in.

Of course, currently OP has huge childcare costs to deduct from this. But if she claims the free hours, this should cut a fair chunk off the cost. Plus there is the option to look around for cheaper childcare. No, it's not ideal but it's an option - even if it's just to go on a childminder's waiting list for September or January.

When the child is old enough to qualify for 30 hours free childcare, the costs will reduce further.

And then when the child starts school, the childcare costs will drop even further meaning that OP could end up on almost the same income as her ex, assuming no changes in their salary.

OP has said she doesn't mind having to cut her cloth according to her new income but doesn't see why she should have to when her ex is paying very little, in her opinion. While I agree that the CMS is crappy, I'm not seeing this as terrible.

It's mind-blowing really as it sounds as if there's a huge disparity between a salary of £46,000 and £80,000 but surprisingly, that's not the case - especially when you factor in the CMS and UC. They're almost on level footing.

The big expense here is the childcare - if this can be reduced with the free childcare hours/UC childcare help, or a cheaper provision found, that would make a big difference to OP.

But why should the state pay for what he ought to pay for? I fucking hope none of my taxes go to pay women money that their partners can and should pay. What a waste of state money!

So he has exactly the same amount of money as OP after paying CMS, but has zero costs for the baby to come off that.

Exactly. Take the £1,700 nursery fees off, then the rest

And zero day to day responsibility towards the child, he doesn't even bother to see the child.

This thread is fucking depressing.

The nastiness towards working mothers on MN is getting ridiculous. Presumably OP's DC goes to nursery as BOTH parents work. But I doubt the exDH would receive such hatred for daring to work. I'd also imagine that the OP is working to try and sustain a home, feed her child etc.

£44k is not a MASSIVE salary. £440k is. But not £44k. Why do people keep making out that very ordinary salaries are extravagant... but actually probably not that good because in the same breath OP is also being told to get on benefits ASAP.

And the acceptance that men can just fuck off and not pay for the kids but that woman should all be grateful for the few quid slung their way is just wrong. Women should be uniting to demand reform to this failed system. But instead anyone who questions it is pretty much told to shut up and be GRATEFUL.

Gah, I think I'm done for today.

Do you have a mortgage or private rent? Even on 46K you should be able to get some help with childcare costs. £730 is a lot of money on top of your wage and any UC you get imo

Don’t be daft. A single mum shouldn’t be expected to basically drop her career and survive on benefits. It is their shared child who needs caring for, so it should be their shared cost to pay for nursery fees.

What depressing comments. A man leaves a woman to care for THEIR child alone and is only expected to cover half of childcare costs... nothing towards any of the other costs of raising a child.

Just because some men cheat the system and pay next to nothing doesn't mean OP should "count herself lucky"- the costs should be divided fairly.

What sort of an inadequate bag of shit leaves his child and refuses to see them?! Seriously. I am endlessly horrified by the failures of men on this site.

So many posters here being vile to another woman because they know women who get treated worse. This is not the way things get better.

THiS 100%!!!

Why should she??? Seriously. Why should the state give her money when the father of her child should provide adequate amounts to feed, house and educate his own child? Why? It’s nuts.

This is a real eye opener as to why the universal credit bills are so high. Perhaps if men were chased for adequate funding for their child they might think more about having them.

Yes but OP then has £1700 childcare minimum to fund, plus everything else. Ex’s contribution isn’t even 50% of the nursery fees.

It’s not ‘almost level’, not even close.

She already said she doesn't get UC.

...and welcome to the patriarchy. Of course he should be paying more. Why should he get to keep his wages and maintain his pension? If you cut down your hours, your career and pension will suffer and you will have a lifetime of lower income. And all because HE chose to fuck off and leave you with the bills.

Don't listen to others who have been brainwashed to accept a pittance. It is NOT fair.

Some of the replies on here are unbelievable 'why should he pay for you to go to work'. Wtah???

Why should the Op pay for her husband to go to work without having to shoulder half of the childcare costs.

Most of the nasty replies seem to be driven by envy imo.

And if £44k a year is 4 or 5 times your salary then you're obviously not working full time - lucky you to be able to work part time and still be able to live.

It's outrageous Op and CMS should take account of nursery costs them work out maintenance on top imo.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time but remember it won't last forever but your salary will continue and things will get easier. No real consolation I know.

Exactly. Actually, OP would be on more as someone has rightly pointed out OP can claim UC. In addition, the free child care will kick in from age 2 and then more from age 3.

But, are we talking about costs being split 50/50 or rather it being based on a percentage of income?

I was just pointing out the Financial differences between the two weren't as big as posters were making out to believe.