To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

I get nothing, even £30 sounds like a lot to me sometimes!

a man who wants nothing to do with his child isn’t made to pay half the costs of the child

I tend to think that if a man really doesn't want anything to do with his child then paying for childcare plus a bit for other expenses so mother can work would be the decent thing to do.

Mother with child rearing responsibilities is already at a disadvantage in the work place.

Why can re recognise that?

They also don't have early years costs that cause hardship for parents.

And common sense tells me that’s what it should be. He should pay half of nursery, half child’s food, half clothes etc.. But you and I talk common sense , sadly cms doesn’t.

My ex was told in court he didn’t have to contribute any more because it was upsetting his current wife and I earned enough to support our child. Yes he lied to the court and got away with it, his wife had left him for another man several weeks earlier but I didn’t know.

The OP earns an okay amount. Her husband earns an okay amount.

He'd be paying her a reasonable amount, if there weren't childcare costs.

IMHO he should be paying 50% of childcare and 50% of their costs - e.g. if it is a 3 bedroom house, then he should pay 1/2 of 2/3 of the mortgage (1/3), food and bills should be calculated in the same manner.

Why should she pay for HIM to go to work?? The default position should not be that a man works and a woman stays at home.

You may mean this kindly, but who do you think pays for that? Decent hardworking taxpayers should NOT be paying because some feckless parents (nearly always the fathers) won't.

🤬🤬🤬

Neither should the OP.

CMS is a shit show, but you are getting plenty of money from your ex. You will get the same amount when you no longer have to pay for childcare and that will make up the vast majority of years before your child is 18, so it will even out in the end.

So cos you've got it bad, everyone else should too?

Those of us saying it's not right also think it's not right for you. We are on your side.

How would you feel if you posted for help and people just said "you need to count your blessings, I only got half what you did"?

Assuming your take home salary is £3053 monthly after tax and NI which is what the online salary calculator tells me it would be and that you're over 25 and have a mortgage, you would be entitled to just under £400 UC once you added in childcare costs. Also, child maintenance isn't deducted from UC so it's possibly something to look into.

If you contribute to a pension, are under 25 or rent then this figure would be different.

Wow thsts a lot of money! Most mums don't get anywhere near that amount.

@MrsSunshine2b thats great for you. Bravo!

Are you a single parent? Did you do the early years alone? Which part of the country do you live in? How much does your childcare cost? How old is your child? Do you have any unpaid help at all (family/friends)?

OP has said her nursery costs are more than £1460 a month, so clearly what works for you cannot work for her in the same way. I presume your calculation just doubles her ex’s CMS payment and says that should be enough regardless of any other factors.

And if you don’t think that the fact that CMS, even at 20% of take home pay, sends the wrong message about the input and responsibility a parent should take in raising their child then that is your prerogative - but I would still have to respectfully disagree.

Surely the child needs somewhere to live, and that is the first priority.

Irrelevant.

I’m a higher rate tax payer myself, but hey, this is the system, it is what is is, if OP needs to do that to survive then why not?

So? What’s your point?

I never got 1 pence in 21 years of raising SEN child/young person, and I still think what you’re getting is disgusted.
Sorry OP (and others), life just isn’t fair x

I think the point is, why should this be the system? Why should one parent be able to not have the financial responsibility of the child they willingly made, because the tax payers can help the remaining parent?

''Yet another reason many women could do with thinking a little longer and harder if having a child is something they really want to do. You should only do it if you're prepared to do it alone financially, because so many women end up there.''

Ouch.

How many divorced women had a child thinking they would be married for decades?

I certainly never expected my husband to have an affair {He's on his third marriage currently}.

have you calculated it yourself? CMS gov calculator? it is a measly sum compared to what they earn - something like 13% (ish cannot remember exactly!).
whole system has changed but you must now qualify for some benefits?

My ex has to pay £163 a month for two kids, who he had no contact with. He walked out and we didn’t see him for 5 years. But CMS said he had to pay £163 a month. My nursery bill was around £1400 a month.

Thats the way it is. They aren’t made responsible for helping with childcare or costs of childcare once they walk. We’re left with it all, and still have to try and work. They can do what they want. What they pay is based on their income, not what it costs to support the kids.

I think by page 13 we need to move past the "well that's the system so suck it up" and acknowledge that what needs debating is how the system should change. There are lots of threads on lack of any payment, poor enforcement, NRPs dodging about but not many on the actual rate and what it should cover. It is difficult to quantify because every set-up is different but I know that if I ring fenced the % of my salary that my ex pays in CMS and only used that combined for my kids I would be a hell of a lot better off than I am.

Whilst nursery and wrap-around costs drop off, as they get older you get phone bills, laptops for school, adult sized clothes and shoes, food bill shoots up etc. If they do any hobbies or sports the kit and fees get more expensive. School trips, including curriculum based ones are ££ and plenty can't ask the school for subs as they don't qualify but its entirely discretionary for the NRP to contribute. The NRP often really does not appreciate the reality of saying no you can't have or do X to a real actual child standing in front of you and so wont agree to any "extras"

All of this is all obvious costs and not the hidden ones of loss of earnings and promotion etc that come with being the RP. My ex can work 24/7 if he likes accept overnight stays, early or late meetings etc. I can't. Again, its hard to quantify that but some acknowledgement that raising a child is more than just providing "essentials" needs to happen.

My ex is a high earner, similar amount to your ex and self employed. As many mums in my position find out, I get the standard minimum as he somehow claimed he earns very little from his company. I have 4 children with him (one at uni) and get £212 per month total for all of them. He only has 2 of them stay over 4 nights per month, and that isn’t every month as he works away a lot. one has complex needs and never stays with him as he feels he can’t look after them, and one doesn’t want to go. I applied for a diversion of income it took weeks and they said the claim was staying the same at the end of the process. Honestly I would be chuffed to be getting the amount you are.

I live in central Cambridge and 1.7k a month for full time childcare is the average cost & the cheapest ones have either awful reviews or a 2 year waiting list - it is not as simple as you and others are making out

I can't contribute in any meaningful way to this thread but reading these posts, my eyes have been opened to how brutally unfair the maintenance/CMS system is and how it must be holding back thousands of women across the UK.

I never used to think anything of it but my neighbour is a policeman who was divorced from his wife. Two teenage kids come over once every two weekends and he's living in a £700k house with a nice new X5 parked up outside whilst the tired looking mum drops the kids off in an old Qashqai. He's spent a significant amount of money doing works on the house and garden and he's always keen to say how he's come from nothing and everything he's gotten, has been through his hard work. I have to admit, I did once think the sums don't seem to add up but I suppose if he's paying pittance to his ex-wife, most of his salary is going to himself.