To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Whether I think it's reasonable or not is neither here nor there.

I just thought it was worth OP checking as I've heard of people on similar incomes being entitled to some help.

CMS is neither right, nor is it fair. I've been in this situation and you would probably be financially better off working part time and claiming universal credit to help with childcare costs.

@whatnowws

CM is a percentage of earnings. The NRP needs to cover their own expenses too.
Half costs isn't feasible as the RP could decide to only buy designer clothes, more expensive food just because enot means the NRP needs to fund half.
When both parents are in a couple expenses are decided together. After separation your financials are separate. Both are free to decide on how money is spent (ie if you splurge on dominos pizza or save with Tesco bargain pizza).
He has no say on how you spend your money and you have no say on how he spends his.

You need to look at incoming funds (wages, benefits, and CM) and current outgoings and budget and reduce outgoings as required.

Many families have to move to cheeper homes because logically 2 wages on one home is more economical than 2 separate wages funding 2 separate homes

Why should he pay for you to basically go to work? Because that’s what nursery costs are.

But it’s not paying OP to go to work. Both parents work FT, therefore DC needs childcare. Is the suggestion that OP quits her job? Then XH should pay her to be a SAHM too…

And OP is likely in a lower salary band because she had to take some time off / forego big promotions because she had a baby.

This reality stinks. So we take the burden from the biological father, who abandoned the family, and put it on the taxpayer. SMH

@Babadook76
In London nursery fees are approximately £2kpm full time. Yes a childminder might be cheaper but if you haven't heard there's a shortage of childcare, both nurseries and childminders, so it not easy to just find a place at the cheapest.
If the non resident parent doesn't see their child at all then they should be paying a half the childcare + child's living costs.
CMS needs reform.
I can't believe some of the replies on here. Talk about jealousy and just being mean to the OP.

genuine question here, how could the CMS be expected to work out what half the cost saw for any given child? There are so many variables, housing, your choice of food, clothes, activities. What happens if you decided to feed your child Riverford organic food every day, but the dad didn’t agree?

I’m not saying that it’s right he gets away with paying less than half, just practically I can’t see how it could ever be enforced.

I have been exactly where you are OP, except our deadbeat sperm don’t did everything he could not pay for months on end. Even though I eventually got the back payments through a deduction of earnings order, it didn’t make for a pretty few months.

Fuck me that’s a million miles better than the £30/month I get off DDs father through CMS.

Might not even touch the sides of your DS’s costs but unfortunately this country still blames women for the failing of a family unit and the government has no interest in ensuring fathers are remotely held responsible financially for their children.

I hear you op. It’s neither right nor fair. I’m aghast at the amount of posters on here who don’t see that. I’m really sorry. What a scum bag! Some men don’t deserve the title “dad”. Bastard.

What I find interesting, is that CM isn't meant to be half of the child's costs, or indeed any percentage of the child costs. Because no one can agree on how much a child costs.

Yet if you apply for help with debts, so an IVA or other debt management plan there are government approved amounts that you can claim even if you don't spend that much! Why can't they apply the same to the CMS calculation?

Haven’t rtft but you are right, OP. It is an absolute disgrace and one that politicians need to make different legislation to rectify.

UK is in the fucking Stone age when it comes to women’s rights and equality between the sexes in the work sphere.
You see threads from outraged pregnant women/new mothers all the time when it hits them smack in the face.

Subsidised nurseries and proper maternity rights would be a good start.

If he'd taken your DS with him, would you be keen to pay half his costs out of your lower income?

Maybe you are used to your low income. The OP’s husband has suddenly walked out and she can see her world, emotionally and practically collapsing round her. She may not be able to continue working. Can you not see how unfair this is?

It’s totally different to being used to living on a low salary with no sudden upheavals or lifestyle changes needed.

Anyway enough people have seen your jealousy seeping out of your posts, however much you try and deny it.

They weren't married as the OP has more assets.

So he only has to pay child maintenance to her.

If he's like some of the "wandering" parents I know he may reappear when the child is at secondary school or when they are 16. (If the child doesn't tell him to foxtrot oscar.)

You nailed it. How come so many don't see this, I can spot them a mile off. (The names often give them away).

This should be dealt with by MNHQ more resolutely.

Assume you don't use childcare then. Lucky you.

Hahaha to the other poster - because you want to work full time!! 🤣 Yeah it’s an option to go part time and have even less money. Come on, are you for real?! What happened to women sticking together.

OP it’s ridiculous that a man who wants nothing to do with his child isn’t made to pay half the costs of the child - inc nursery; which he would be doing if you guys were together!

I have no advice I’m afraid but I hope you get it sorted or manage to scrape by

Wtf? How isn’t it the father’s cost, seeing he also wants to work full time?? Give your head a shake woman @PrincessTeaSet 🤦🏼‍♀️

Some people see salaries over £20k and their jealousy blinds them to reason.

This makes sense to me. Most of the arguments here are nuts.

Wow I thought my £100 a month was shite!

Not punishment. But taking into account everything. So yes, there may be consequences to choosing to walk away. But how is that worse than the consequences of one parents decision on the remaining parent?

Come up with alternative solutions seeing as you are clearly the oracle here.

Unfortunately, the CMS don't give a monkeys about who left who, and how much childcare costs. So long as the 'father' is paying maintenence. Not saying its right, not at all. But having been in a similar situation, I had no choice but to work part time. As the children get older, I will obviously increase my hours.

No. Because your husband gave you less, that doesn’t excuse shit men who don’t pull their weight and leave the mums with childcare costs while they continue to work fulltime themselves.

Because that’s sexist as hell.

No woman should count her blessings for a shit and patriarchal system.

How did you manage for full time childcare when you split?

I will go back to UE. UK was actually, before Brexit, criticised in few reports for not having an effective system. Fathers are shit all over Europe, but there is a difference between being supported by your state in making your child at risk of poverty and the state saying you are shit for putting your child at risk of poverty. It was summed up as 'in the UK it is deemed a private matter'.

To prevent fathers hiding income courts make orders based on information about average salary in father's occupation. So, if you are a specialised plumber and the average month income is, let say, five thousand, but you claim to have income of only two thousand the judge will say that there is something wrong and since the father has no childcare obligations he can look for more hours. Of course there is a lot of MRA shouting how unfair it is but who cares. Then you have different ways of recovering debt but those options are there. In Sweden, if a father really cannot pay CM it will be paid by the state and it is separated from other benefits. Other countries have more complicated policies, but at the end of the day the debt is a real issue and states are pro active in getting those money but also to avoid paying is a criminal offence!

@MrsSunshine2b so you don’t pay for a roof over your child’s head, gas and electric for them, food for them, clothing? If you’re not paying those things for your child you’re an utter failure as a parent.