I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

Might have been good to ask as it's new, but presumably you were insured to drive it so it might be expected you would drive it sometime?

Is he your husband or your dad??

@FrancisSeaton I think a woman frothing about that would be told to get a sense of perspective.

OP says her DH bought this fancy new car last week. It's new, he's probably been really looking forward to picking it up, and been treating it rather preciously.

His wife waits until he's asleep to decide to take his car without permission for a joy ride I assume she knows he would have been reluctant to let her go on and damages it while driving recklessly. Of course he's upset!

If my DH took something new of mine I'd barely had chance to use yet without asking and broke or lost or damaged it I'd be similarly livid.

If it helps I bumped my husband’s brand new car a few months ago. I fessed up immediately. He didn’t dare suggest i couldn’t drive it again though- it’s our only car even though it’s legally his.
a few weeks later he bumped it himself- far worse- so I felt better then

But this is a marriage, not a parent/teen relationship. It’s not okay to take something without asking and I’d be annoyed if it happened to me, but it’s also not okay to be terrified of consequences. Of course the person who suffered the damaged car has the right to be annoyed/angry but there are ways of dealing with it that don’t require punishing or frightening the other person.

This is some very sexist language. His penis extension? Because he bought a nice car?

If a woman buys a nice car what does that mean?

He's allowed to have feelings too.

Interesting that he's an asshole who cares more for a car than his wife's feelings, when his wife cared more about taking the car out than his feelings.

They have separate cars. Again, this isn't about legality.

OP said her DH was angry.

No where in her update did she say he frightened her when he found out.

He said she had to pay for it rightfully.

Being “mad” over a scuffed bumper is not reasonable behaviour. Hardly like she wrote it off.

None of us know what him being mad entails. Lots of people would describe themselves as mad if someone did this to.

I was simply pointing out that your comment was completely irrelevant, which it is. 😘

Completely agree.

I doubt she did it of her own accord…I was replying to someone else actually. Not the OP

I mean. I feel that’s a huge over the top reaction

would you be so incredibly cross and make your husband pay it out of his account if he did the same?

Exactly this. I wouldn’t be asking my DH if I can borrow “his” car and he certainly wouldn’t be dictating to me whether I can use marital property or not. Same thing the other way around. And we don’t get angry at each other for accidents.

Ask him what he has done to his car 😂

We share cars and finances but whenever my husband gets a new car (because it's him that chooses them for the household) I am always wary of driving it for the first couple of months and would NEVER take it without his permission, even if on paper it belongs to both of us. It's his new toy....... I would hate to bump it, so I reduce the risk to zero by not driving it until it is less shiny and new..... and always do for the first time when I am not under any other pressure (time, for example, or unfamiliar roads....).

Not on the same scale, but after 20 years of marriage I bought a brand new set of matching saucepans. I was extremely upset when I got home after a week away at my Mum's when DH said in an offhand kind of way "oh the lid of that one doesn't fit any more." I don't know how he bent it out of shape, and never found out, but I was really upset..... and even after another fifteen years I get annoyed when I can't fit the lid on the pan and it reminds me that he never even apologised. It's important to respect other people's stuff, even if they are your life partner , or perhaps especially if they are your life partner!
The OP damaged her husband's "new toy" and I completely understand why he is annoyed and she doesn't want to fess up. She knows she's done wrong.

What an utterly stupid comment.

I wouldn’t be asking my DH if I can borrow “his” car and he certainly wouldn’t be dictating to me whether I can use marital property or not.

Ok but you can easily swap 'car' for 'phone' and suddenly it sounds a bit entitled. Fair enough if you're on the same page - that's fine - but one person is not allowed to just take someone else's things without agreement that it's ok. People are allowed to have their stuff, too.

Marriage doesn't mean you possess another person, and I don't think anyone would defend a DH taking OP's car that she treated herself to and damaging it.

I do think that OP wanted to get us all frothing, she's not been back for a good while and her posts have been deliberately vague and using language designed to make posters worry but also raise our eyebrows.

So if your DH woke up tomorrow, decided he preferred your brand new phone to his old one and just picked it up and took it to work with him, no asking, and dropped it down the toilet, you're fine with it?

You wouldn't wake up and panic about where the marital property usually in your possession is? Or be pissed that he'd taken it without asking? Or that he'd dropped it down toilet and you have to wait to get a new one? And that's a phone not a new car.

To say again, this is simply not true. Being married does not affect ownership. Things can still be "his" and "hers", and often are. Yes, it all goes into the pot if the couple divorce, but that doesn't mean it is jointly owned whilst the couple are married.

Her husband when he got home should have thrashed her gently with a riding crop whilst reading a copy of the Times which she had ironed in advance as penance for her wickedness.I'm smelling Daily Mail here.

Along with most of the other comments on here including yours. Her partner being her partner should know she didn't do it on purpose and a bit of humour may be all thats needed. My partner would know i didn’t do it on purpose and whilst he would be annoyed it would just be that it happened and not at me. Also i would assume that she is insured to drive it. She is happy to have it fixed so shouldnt be a problem. If hes going to be an arsehole then maybe theres bigger problems there

I'd have been angry too. I would have probably shouted, then regretted it. But bloody hell, who takes someone's brand new car without asking?

I think the solution (OP paying from her money, and not driving it again) is fair and proportionate.

For sure people matter more than things. Every time. But a car is an expensive thing and a new car is a particular pleasure.

But. What kind of fancy expensive car is it? mine turns off the stereo as soon as reverse is engaged. And it's not a new fancy car at all. it's an 8 year old Golf

Yep. Coupled with the AI username. What larks!