I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

I find it weird, too. And a bit worrying.

When DP was alive, we never had "his car" and "my car". My job involved a fair bit of driving about, whereas he just drove to the office and back again. He mostly used the little hatchback bought for commuting and I used the A4 Avant because I did a fair bit of driving on rural roads, plus I was using it all day and it was the only one that had aircon. But if he'd had to do a long drive for any reason, we'd have discussed it and it would have been better all round for him to take the Audi and me to use the smaller car.

Even though we each had our "own" money, cars always came out of "joint" money, and he'd never have batted an eyelid if I'd scraped either of them.

@Maelil01

It could have been a child and not a wall.

Don't be silly. She pranged the car, not an uncommon event, she didn't jump a red light or drive over a zebra crossing when there were pedestrians on it. She's not a joy-rider!

Some anger issues there

She was picking her child up from a sports club. Other children would have been around. She was neither looking behind her, nor listening out for danger, nor paying attention to the parking sensors. Of course she could have hit a child!

There are often threads on here where a woman is beyond angry that here husband has washed something of hers on the wrong setting. There are hundreds of comments about incompetent men and advising her to make her husband pay.
Of course, if it is a woman who takes her husband's new car without asking,
the same posters rush to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong.

She backed into a parking space! She was looking but the wall was too low to see. So, yes, if there had been a row of toddlers lined up in the space she could have hit them. She wasn't doing wheelies in the car park

Your relationship sounds very un-balanced. A car is a tool to get you from A to B. I once reversed my van into boyfriends pride and joy 80k car. I was a bit upset at damaging his car and I got a big hug first and he checked I was ok. We then looked at the damage and I paid for the cosmetic repair and nothing was ever said about it again. And he wasn't even a particularly nice boyfriend.

You shouldn't be scared to tell your husband about an accident and he shouldn't yell at you. He might be upset about his car but that should be anger free. Maybe you want to think carefully about the relationship you have here, it doesn't sound loving and joyous.

Same here @LakieLady

@Mothership4two Have you lived in a bubble and never heard about the many people - children and adults- who have been killed by being run over in their own drives by family in a car, reversing?

Someone reversed into ME (not my car) in a supermarket car park. They were in stationary traffic waiting to move forwards to the exit, and in their 'wisdom' decided to reverse without looking in their mirror.

Thankfully, my trolley protected me and it was hit , not me.

How do you know it's the same posters?

The volume on our car turns right down when reversing. I'm surprised such a fancy new car doesn't do that.

That said, my friend was reversing her new car when the sensors started bleeping away. She couldn't see what they were bleeping about so instead of having a look outside of the car, continued on and hit some low rocks.

You shouldn't be so worried about telling your husband about anything like this and not great that you were so frightened.

OP, you could have been more responsible (not having loud music on), but your DH is your spouse, not your dad and overlord. You are not a naughty kid to be reprimanded. And, it is just stuff….you and your child were not harmed, and that is the important thing. Good you are paying for the damage, but it strikes me from what I can tell on a post that there is a really deferential dynamic here

My DH cracked the plastic part of our new washer door installing it (not the glass bit) not 5 minutes after it arrived. I paid for it as the one he bought previously did not last or work v. well (and yes, I advised against it, but he really wanted it, so OK) I told him to be careful and no shove so hard, but well…. Was I upset? Sure, for about 2-3 minutes, and then said, let’s see if it still works and if so, that’s Ok. It is stored behind a cabinet door and no harm done. I thanked him for installing it and acknowledged it wasn’t easy to do in that space. End of. I didn’t forbid him from using the washer ever again! 😁But I also did not treat him like a naughty little boy.

Have you no imagination @Mothership4two ?

You don' t know if she reversed into a parking space. She said she reversed.
Presumably to turn round.

And if you're reversing, you should be aware of what's behind you!
It could be a low wall, a small child or even an animal.

The simple fact is she was not paying attention, music on too loudly and reversing too fast.

There's no excuse when a car has sensors.

The fact that you were so fearful and that you are "not allowed" to drive it again tells me that this is not a healthy marriage of equals. He sounds abusive and controlling.

I must do @GingerbicciesPlease because I don't know anyone that that has happened to. Prangs, yes, and, of course, you could always say they 'could have' been worse. However, OP said she did look behind her, so presumably she would have seen a child weirdly standing behind her car in her parking space. I presumed that as it makes most sense. I'm not defending her as I don't think either of them sound great. But I don't see the point in catastrophizing either.

Place marking for reference

She was reversing using her rear view mirror ( not looking lover her shoulder at what is behind), was playing music so loudly she couldn’t hear the sensors beep AND is unfamiliar with the car so should have been taking extreme care, so I think she is a very poor driver. Lucky it was a wall, not a child.

She states that she wanted to take the car for a spin because it is fancy. Didn’t ask husband for any input or guidance. I think fair enough, if it was mine, I would ban her too.

The wait for paint repairs is weeks in my area and you don't get it back the same day.
Whilst DH wouldn't be thrilled, accidents happen and he'd just accept it is what it is. I once reversed my car into his. I have a Volvo and he had a little vintage midlife crisis sports car. There was a lot more damage to his than mine. It's never been mentioned since.

Sensors can go off if something is stuck on one or tall grass is blown into its range. I've had both as false alarms before now and the wall that I scraped my bumper on was out of sight in the mirror. I now have a good look at what is there before I start reversing to avoid small low walls!

We don't know what kind of driver unless she comes back to tell us. She wasn't concentrating and had a prang (if everything on here is the God's honest truth). As happens probably thousands of times a day. I don't particularly support him or her and I am certainly not going to start making things up to fit my narrative.

I don't blame him stopping her driving it again and she probably doesn't want to!

Their relationship dynamics sound off.

DH and I have always bought our own cars and been fortunate enough to buy some very nice ones.

We do tend to ask to use each others car (they are very different so in some situations one is more suited to the task than the other) but really this is just a formality - I can't recall us ever having said no to each other. If one of us wasn't around to ask we'd just use it anyway. Fundamentally despite the ownership both cars are family resources.

Over the years he's scrapped the alloys on one of my cars and I've damaged the paintwork on one of his when a gust of wind pulled the door from my grasp and it banged a wall.

We've never been worried about telling each other and neither have we been shit about it. These things happen. It's not great, but that life and what insurance is for.

I'm actually quite worried about your fear re: telling him and also his reaction. Banning you from driving the car is just mean and petty.

It doesn't sound a particularly healthy relationship if I'm honest :-(

She's not a joy-rider!

Technically, she is.

Stealing a motor vehicle, also known as joyriding and taking without consent (TWOC) is the offence committed if you drive any motor vehicle without the owner’s permission. If you are a passenger in a stolen vehicle, and you know that the driver does not have permission to take the vehicle, you would be charged with “allowing yourself to be carried” in a vehicle without consent.

The offence covers situations where you take a friend or family member’s car without their permission, as well as when you are accused of simply stealing a vehicle

https://www.spartanslaw.co.uk/taking-without-consent/#:~:text=Stealing%20a%20motor%20vehicle%2C%20also,vehicle%20without%20the%20owner's%20permission.

How are the people saying how abusive the husband is squaring the circle that she took the car in the first place? Make it make sense. So abusive she needs to leave, yet she took the car without permission (and had a witness in their son) even though he is so terrifying. This is all very unlikely.

@WallaceinAnderland

What did your friend think the warning sounds were for?