I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

So OP you got this trending well done

The little car emoji probably helped too 😂

Can’t remember the @‘s of the people who quoted me but with all respect, it doesn’t matter what you do in YOUR marriage. Every marriage is different right? Just because you’d drive your husband’s fancy car without asking, do you really think that every married women will think the same?

People are different. Some married people have joint accounts, some live in seperate houses and some wouldn’t take off in their husband’s fancy car without asking especially when they have their own car. Surely that’s common sense that just because you do something in YOUR relationship, it doesn’t mean that everyone else does too….

Whole thing sounds fake. Music would have turned down/cut off when reversing, especially for a new expensive car.

If it’s a plastic bumper, boil the kettle and pour it over the bump. You may be able to gently pop it back out from underneath. (Maybe a big pot of boiling water)

For me it’s not that she had to pay for the damage. Of course that’s a consequence. It’s that she was terrified to tell him, like physically shaking. The reaction was ‘not good’.

My DH would be upset but I wouldn’t have been physically terrified of telling him.

Asked DH about this - he vividly recalls my reversing the family car into his brand new BMW (z4). I came inside in tears: he was a bit curt but balanced it with checking me and the kids were okay, and asking me to give him a minute. I peaked through the window and saw him sat on the front step with his head in his hands, clearly very very upset. He got it booked in to be fixed the next day and never mentioned it again to me.

When I read OP’s post to him, his reply was that ‘if she feels as though she cannot tell him, if she is that scared, then she needs to leave him. It’s a fucking car and it has insurance.’

Taking it without his permission is illegal, you wouldn’t have been insured so you’re very lucky no one else was involved.
I wouldn’t dream of taking Dh’s car ‘because I fancied driving it’ without asking, just as he wouldn’t take mine unless it was an absolute emergency.

If he put you on the insurance, he surely expected you to use the car. Unless you’re not on the insurance…

This is rather over the top.

DH and I have a joint insurance policy and are named drivers on any car it covers - there is no his car/my car, just a car that he usually drives (the clean one) and the one I usually drive (full of dog crates/kids stuff). We can use either person’s car as permission is generally implied between married couples.

Hello dear parents,
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regards

I agree with this. There is something wrong on both sides in this case. If I pranged my DH’s new car he would be annoyed if I was driving badly, as you were, but not if it was an accident. He’s reversed into a pillar so he knows it can be done - but in that incident the car didn’t have beepers that couldn’t be heard because the music was loud …

You seem frightened of his reaction. This is very similar to what one of my school mates did- ‘borrowed’ an expensive jumper and singed it on a Bunsen burner and was scared of her mum finding out.

@StaceyAl the language you're using is quite concerning - like you were scared of your husband, and now you've "learned [your] lesson". That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, really. What were the 'consequences'?

DH and I use each other's cars without issue. If he crashed mine, I'd be more concerned about making sure he was ok than the state of the car, and I'm confident the same would apply if I crashed his. Why are you with someone it sounds like you're afraid of?

I’m having flashbacks of 20 years to when I scraped the door of DH’s car when I was turning in a garage and misjudged a pillar due to tiredness. Silent treatment for a week.

And to when I scraped my OWN car on a very rainy night trying to get a screaming pair of infant DDs home to bed, and got the silent treatment for a week.

Compared with when HE was in a collision and insisted I schlep to the garage to organise his repairs (babies in tow) and give him my car for two weeks.

People are allowed by annoyed when their stuff gets damaged, but not to the point of making their partner feel terror at the prospect of breaking the news.

Unpopular opinion, but this is a situation where you weaponise women's tears. Just tell him and be absolutely distraught about it (which presumably you are).

Think you’ve mis-posted. You need to start your own thread for this.

Yet again this myth that marriage means all property is jointly owned. That is simply not true. It all goes into the pot to be split between the parties in the event of divorce, but that is rather different.

If it is his car, it is not joint property. That is not what marriage means.

I would be furious if my OH took my new fancy car and did this. No way would I just shrug it off and say 'oh well, accidents happen'. It wasn't an accident for a start. The more OP drips information the more sympathetic I am to her DH! You are all busy accusing him of being an abuser but why aren't any of you assuming the OP does stuff like this all of the time and he's fed up?
I can only go on how I would react and yeah, if I had a longed for new car I would be extremely upset. He's only had it for 2 bloody minutes.

All the people acting like it's a minor thing that should be laughed off by a partner - no it's not and don't know what planet you live on. If I had bought something and it was precious to me, to then have it taken secretly by my partner and used so carelessly that it was damaged into the £100s, I would be so so upset and angry. It shows an absolute lack of respect and consideration for your partner. Accidents happen but this is a different situation. Hope you learned your lesson OP and he cools off soon

Jesus.

I'm with you. I'd be angry if my husband swanned off with my new car and carelessly damaged it. Never mind doing it behind my back.

Well you owned up it's done and dusted.

Get it fixed and kick yourself.

Whilst I understand his anger and think you have made a sensible decision about getting it fixed, I would criticise your DH for buying the expensive car to begin with.

My husband just said because of his new uber precious car he has to go into a dodgy area to collect something he was nervous I said take my beat up 18 year old car, his lip curled up in disgust.

Well on his head be it. 😬

Really? Why is he not allowed to have an expensive car?

I think it’s odd that it’s ‘his’ car and not just a car that you have as a family that he tends to drive. We have 2 cars in our family, one is my husbands work car that I mostly drive because it’s better suited for the kids and I mostly drive them places. He drives the older smaller car unless he’s driving the kids.