I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

@Badassnameforadojo
All the consequences are wrong. There should not be 'consequences' in an equal partnership for a complete accident, this isn't some stranger or a neighbour- it's his bloody wife!

@BaconMassive

That’s a personal choice made in each marriage. Personally, I would hate to have no money of my own and have all my spending monitored from a joint account. Happy to have a joint account for all joint expenses and then each take the same amount for personal spends into your own account. And that’s the money that should be used to fix this; her own personal spends.

Righto.

He sounds like someone who had something of their property used without giving said person permission to use it, and he got cross/angry when he was informed that his property got damaged as a result. He sounds completely human here.

I had a sneaky suspicion that the OP had their own car and just wanted to drive a high performance car for jollies. I didn't post that but I had suspicions and it turns out the OP did want to drive her husband's new car for fun. There was absolutely no reason under the sun, except that she wanted to, why the OP would take his car when she could have taken her own and then to have the music playing in the car so loudly that she didn't hear the parking sensors.

If I were your DH, I'd be mightily pissed off too with what you've done @StaceyAl and I would expect you to sort it out of your own money. It wasn't your car to take. Stick to using your own car, keep your music at a volume that you CAN hear the parking sensors as both I and others have mentioned if you couldn't hear them and you banged off a wall, you wouldn't have heard them if you had knocked into a person either. That, I hate to be the one to break it to you, does make you an unsafe and dangerous driver.

As for the comments of @grapesstrawberriesplease, saying that because they are married, they have 100% access to each other's possessions - I would respectfully dispute that. I have my own car and I'm insured on my DH's car. If our son has his Dad's car to do something, and my husband needs to go out and use a car, he asks can he use mine, he doesn't just take it and vice versa. It's just the polite thing to do. I disagree with the idea that just because you're married that you automatically have the right to something that the other spouse has which is how I've picked up that point. I understand however if spouses are to separate, then all of the assets brought into the marriage are factored in at that point but for something like this, the OP should have asked to use the car, 'an expensive new car' that was a week old. I'd be pissed off too.

Yep.
We have a joint account for bills then we get an equal amount of personal money which goes into our own account.

That’s why when you reverse you look out the back window and to the sides so you can see more. Rear view mirror has very restricted view.

I teach my pupils never look in the rear mirror
reversing as you’ll only see the back window. If you look out the back window you’ll also see the back corners of the car and out of the back side windows.

You also broke the law OP. Taking a vehicle without the owners consent

OP used it to collect her son not their son so they probably live fairly separate lives

I am someone that loves my car. Was also brand new and expensive. If my dh had taken it without my permission and then damaged it, I would lose my shit.

If that makes me abusive, so be it. But I would be extremely angry at my new property being damaged - particularly being taken without my permission.

OP, many posters seem to think you are in an abusive marriage and scared of your dh. Not that scared you thought it was ok to sneak off in his car without him knowing. You also don't sound very competent at driving either.

Some of the comments on here must be from folk who drive old bangers or tractors! As long as nobody is hurt.... it's only metal.... who cares about a bit of metal.... I sometimes think I live in an entirely different universe when on MN.

I’ve damaged my DH’s very expensive cars on several occasions over the years and never had more than a sigh or an eye roll. This year her took delivery of a really expensive brand new car and within 3 weeks he managed to take out three separate panels/ doors as he h
misjudged a narrow space. I might have called him a silly twit or something similar.

Honestly your DH’s reaction, and yours to his is really quite concerning.

@LookItsMeAgain I didn’t actually say they had access to everything equally! I was responding to someone who said that arguing against it.

Same here. My husband and I have a joint account for bills, household needs like shopping, joint spends etc and then we have separate bank accounts that our salaries go into and that’s our own money. I’d be very upset if something I bought with my own money was damaged by my husband.

OP you’ll get loads of people on here telling you that he should be fine with it so long as you and kids ok etc , it’s only a car blah blah. Yeah it’s only a car but cars costs thousands of pounds and many people like to have them in good condition and not knocked about especially when they are brand new. He’ll be pissed off and rightly so - I would be.

A fair resolution would have been to claim on insurance but you pay the excess and for the loss of no claims bonus / uplift in next years premium. Assuming this is less than paying for it to be repaired directly.

i am still really concerned about the language here : “not allowed” and husband making a “decision”. My dh crashed my car through sheer stupidity; absolutely his fault. Cost £1000 but we share our finances so we were both affected. Never crossed my mind to punish him and ban him from driving my car (even if he’d taken it without “permission”).

Are you very young OP, like in your early 20s and your dh much older? The dynamic seems very much like a parent and child not husband and wife.

What a load of shit. I'd be livid if my partner bumped my new car or an old one for that matter, we have both have got children from previous relationships doesn't mean we live separate lives at all. He still has his car, I still have mine, he still has his kids, I still have mine, his kids are not mine and my kid is not his. Hope that clears things up for you.

Sorry - I was trying to type the message and scroll back to see who posted that comment about the shared marital assets and I tagged you incorrectly.
Am I able to edit that post now and remove your name from it? If I can I will. Otherwise please accept my apology for incorrectly tagging you in it.

I’d be very upset if something I bought with my own money was damaged by my husband.

I think everyone would be upset but it's not normal or healthy to be shaking from fear when it comes to your partners reaction.

Nah, I would say your casual attitude to damaging expensive cars is odd.

Youve done the right thing OP.

@ElaineMBenes no it’s definitely not a normal reaction, the whole marriage dynamic seems odd!

Nobody was injured. Just stuff. Of course it’s a bit annoying but OP sounded terrified.

@LookItsMeAgain its okay 😄 not too tech savvy so no idea how to edit posts lol!

Fancy having to wait until your DH is asleep to take the car, how downtrodden some women are

Most expensive new cars when putting in reverse actually turns the music down automatically.....

So OP you got this trending well done

It's worrying that the OP openly was fearful of his potential reaction, was anticipating major consequences and is now not allowed to use it.

It is also worrying that some people seem to think this is normal.

I've done exactly the same thing with the bumper and the low lying wall but it was my brand new car. The bumper was repaired and resprayed at the dealer's workshop.