AIBU not to have a hobby. And moreover to ask you to help me find one.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I am 57. Have a full time very intellectually demanding job that leaves me a bit wiped out at the end of each day/week.

I have 2 young adult daughters who are students (one at home full time and one back for the holidays). Both supportive of me and encouraging. I have a DS who is 12. He still requires parenting but is as independent as you’d expect at his age. My DH has hobbies. Also encouraging of me. But I seem to have lost my way.

Things I do - read (literature is my passion), cook quite well, walk for 50 minutes every day, swim in the sea as often as I can. Cycle occasionally. I love history too.

I used to play the piano but am so rusty now I get no pleasure from it. I have a good sized garden but little knowledge as to what to do with it.

I am really the most artistically challenged person you will ever meet. I can’t draw or paint or sew or knit. I’ve tried those things. Never good results and they do not engage me. Nothing crafty has ever engaged me.

I am not sporty, not arty, not particularly musical really (the piano I worked hard at as a child:teenager, but I was not talented). I am academically able, but my brain is full! I feel a bit lost and would like something beyond family and work (must as I love both).

Gardening or learning a foreign language seem like possibilities. But I never get around to them. I am late to the menopause (only this year) and feel generally out of sorts and looking for something.

Lots of demands on money given the children but I earn a decent income and could afford to spend a bit (more regular outlay, rather than a huge initial spend) on something to engage me.

I do know this is an indulgent ask and that my searching for a hobby is not important in the scheme of things.

Thanks all.

reading with interest, I have several hobbies , such as crochet and reading , but I’m definitely not a joiner of groups .

What fun to see more posts this morning. I’m on the train to work.

@KnitnNatterAuntie You have Sussed me very well. We do jigsaws together as a family. Board games too. We love Catan, Splendor and Ticket to Ride. Love card games as well (exploding kittens and poker being front runners). I shall look up the others you mention. And the herb garden idea is absolutely inspired. Another for my A list. Thank you very much.

@Perfectlystill you are right that I have a full life. I’m not bored exactly. Just maybe bored with myself…not sure if that makes sense. I’ve had a tricky few years emotionally; exacerbated by the menopause and I’m casting about for something extra. I must stress DH and my DCs are great. And I am blessed with great friends. I am just wanting to find a passion that is just for me.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads and @bestbefore both choir and volunteering are good shouts. Certainly fit with my personal vibe. But I tend to get “peopled out” by the end of the day/week.

@ohthejoys and @CalmConfident i think the sea swimming and daily walking might have given the impression I am fitter than I am. I’m fit for walking and swimming but not at all sure I’m up to tap dancing or park run. It is something to aim for though. Something I am doing for myself is a plan to get fitter. So maybe as that journey progresses….thank you.

@DancingNotDrowning you are not wrong. Finding time for oneself is a real challenge.

@Toomanysquishmallows the group thing is tricky. I am naturally quite sociable. But I really do get my fill of people by the end of the day/week.

If the herb garden idea appeals do check out https://urban-herbs.co.uk/. They sell interesting and unusual varieties, I’ve had some lovely plants from them. Making your own fresh mint tea is lovely.

@OperationalSupport thank you so much for this. Looks brilliant.

I love gardening, there is so much to learn and you can do it however interests you. Garden design is really interesting, but if you feel that is too much, an option would be to pay a garden designer to come up with a base design/template, and then you can fill in the details deciding on what plants/colours etc you want to use.

It can cost a lot of money, but can also be relatively cheap if you grow things from seed and find tools etc second hand, and plants from local garden sales or friends.

@Fredbaassett i would also love to know which app please

@Pleasehelpmedress Gardening is taking on a prominence in my thoughts. Thank you.

I recently went on a weekend history course at Madingley at Cambridge uni. It was brilliant, a mini holiday but so interesting to steep yourself in some historical subject, mine was the 14 th century and wow it gives such a perspective on our own times, climate change, pandemics, social change- anyway there were people there that have done tons of these courses. It was £500 for the weekend so not cheap, but things like horse riding mount up in cost too so... Swings and roundabouts.

@fridascruffs that sounds astonishing. From where did you source it?

Another idea for the garden, can you try to make it wildlife friendly?

A small pond can not only look good but will attract all kinds of wildlife.

A hole in the fence might give access to hedgehogs.

Bird feeders, insect hotels, choosing plants that attract pollinators etc.

I have done the above since retiring and also got a couple of wildlife cameras that I put out, particularly at night. Yes I get hedgehogs! But I have been surprised at some of the other visitors we get. Who would have thought polecats would turn up in a suburban garden?

@5foot5 those are lovely ideas. Thank you. We certainly have room for a pond.

Another vote for writing. The Scottish Book Trust runs monthly 50 word fiction competitions, very challenging. Being in a writing group is great. We publish our stories on Amazon. It's a great thrill to see your work in a proper book.
Also, consider getting a dog. It's a great way to get to know people and also it's amazing finding out how a non human species thinks and communicates. Learning to interact with your dog is beneficial on so many levels.

Try Rock Choir. No music reading, no auditions, you don't even need to consider yourself able to hold a tune. It's all inclusive, very welcoming, and I have made life long friends there. You can try a session for free to see if you like it. No harm in giving something different a go.

Geocaching! It's cheap (largely free but if you pay for 'premium' there are many more caches available).

They are almost everywhere, I do it alone or with my dc, some are really easy to find, some are high up trees! Many have historical information. They can take you to places you've never been - as you like walking that could fit in nicely.

There are local groups but mostly you do it alone (or with whoever you want to go with). It can be rather addictive, I know of people who have found many thousands!

They are all over the world too so worth a look wherever you go.

www.geocaching.com/play

For Weaving and Spinning there will be a Guild of Weavers, Spinners and Dyers branch somewhere near you - expect a bunch of eccentric ladies, but all generally willing to explain things, show you stuff, and often with equipment to lend. Taking up spinning can be expensive but you can start with a drop spindle (under £20 and some fibre (lots available online now)) and see how you get on.

Youtube is a fantastic resource now of 'how to do this random obscure thing'... so if you wanted to learn to naalbind (viking precursor to knitting, uses short lengths of yarn and an eyed needle) or perhaps weave mini baskets with dried grasses and fibres you find on walks or around the garden... or embroider insects out of thread and beads or... the world is reallllllllllly your oyster there if you want to learn how to do a thing without having to socialise with anyone!

I must go, my latest thing is following deep sea diving ROV's, in some cases you can ask the science bods on teh research ship questions or say things like 'can you just poke that sea-pig and see what happens please' and they WILL! :D

Holidays. Small trips away every 6 to 8 weeks. In between learn all I can about the place. You like to read. Find what's accessible to ur nearest airport. Do it on a budget. Learn, travel and have something to look forward to. All the time!

Building a garden pond is a great idea and ponds are massively beneficial for wildlife. We built one during lockdown and it's amazing how many species rely on it. Birds that we never had before, such as bullfinches, come to drink. It's full of tadpoles/frogs, dragonflies, pondskaters, waterboatmen and many other animals. I love it!

Book club
Photography
Rambling group
Volunteering
Baking
Challenge (eg visit every cathedral in your county, etc)
Writing
Bowling, archery, less sporty sports!
Chess
Pottery

It's called Simply Piano and I've been using it constantly. Brought back a real passion for playing piano. Can't recommend enough.

How are you with computers? You could learn to code?

Well I’m on the train home now and picking up the run of new ideas!

@Ecci i am feeling a great nudge towards the writing. Thank you for providing added motivation

@DelilahBucket i do like the idea of a choir. Have considered it but at the moment am looking for something a bit less social I think.

@MagnoliatheMagnificent geocaching. Another great idea. And I might be able to get DS(12) interested too.

@WiddlinDiddlin thanks for this. I could probably feel at home amongst eccentrics!

@coolkatt i love the idea of regular short holidays. Despite my age I am not quite at the stage of regularly going away as DS is still only 12 and we are supporting 2 older daughters as well. It is something for the not too distant future though. Hopefully.

@Merula i am very very enthused about a pond.

@anonhop writing is on my list for sure. Chess might make the cut too. I have dreadful eyesight. I fancy archery but suspect I’d be rubbish!

@Fredbaassett thank you. I shall look it up.

@Creakie I am good with computers. But I use them every day for work and my eyes get tired at the end of the day. DS codes. He’s really into it.

Thank you again everyone.

Debating soc. Choir. And don't give up on being creative, everyone has a mark to make.

Electronics, coding

@Perfect28 thank you. Debating is quite close to the day job. Choir I like the idea of but I think it’s something for when I retire as I’m a bit peopled out by the end of the day/week. Electronics and coding probably not really for me. But I love your comment about not giving up on creating. I kind of had done so before this thread and I really appreciate your comment. Thank you.