AIBU not to have a hobby. And moreover to ask you to help me find one.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I am 57. Have a full time very intellectually demanding job that leaves me a bit wiped out at the end of each day/week.

I have 2 young adult daughters who are students (one at home full time and one back for the holidays). Both supportive of me and encouraging. I have a DS who is 12. He still requires parenting but is as independent as you’d expect at his age. My DH has hobbies. Also encouraging of me. But I seem to have lost my way.

Things I do - read (literature is my passion), cook quite well, walk for 50 minutes every day, swim in the sea as often as I can. Cycle occasionally. I love history too.

I used to play the piano but am so rusty now I get no pleasure from it. I have a good sized garden but little knowledge as to what to do with it.

I am really the most artistically challenged person you will ever meet. I can’t draw or paint or sew or knit. I’ve tried those things. Never good results and they do not engage me. Nothing crafty has ever engaged me.

I am not sporty, not arty, not particularly musical really (the piano I worked hard at as a child:teenager, but I was not talented). I am academically able, but my brain is full! I feel a bit lost and would like something beyond family and work (must as I love both).

Gardening or learning a foreign language seem like possibilities. But I never get around to them. I am late to the menopause (only this year) and feel generally out of sorts and looking for something.

Lots of demands on money given the children but I earn a decent income and could afford to spend a bit (more regular outlay, rather than a huge initial spend) on something to engage me.

I do know this is an indulgent ask and that my searching for a hobby is not important in the scheme of things.

Thanks all.

@5128gap thank you for your insightful post. I had kind of hoped that a hobby would find me. But none did so I was driven to wonder if I should be more proactive. I do like the idea of a new experience each month. I am intellectually curious. But not terribly adventurous physically. I need to broaden my experiences I think. Your perspective is helpful.

@Thistooshallpass. your user name was my DM’s favourite saying. Yoga is a good shout. I’m strong. But not at all bendy!

If you want to try a language I recommend have a look at languageforfun.org
They have teachers running sociable group classes in French Spanish and Italian in pubs and cafes all over the country and online. Very different from school language lessons.

My other recommendation would be to join a choir, even if you don't think you're particularly musical. There are loads of community choirs around which don't require an audition or the ability to read music. Singing in a group is one of the most uplifting things you can do.

I think looking actively for a hobby isn't really the way forward.

Think about the things you enjoy doing. I really enjoy drawing and creating stuff, so for me, taking the drawing skills I already had and learning to carve wood, sculptural needle felt, and make things out of polymer clay was a natural progression of that.

I also like certain processes, whilst I have zero interest in wearing knitwear, I find the process of knitting, crochet and also it turns out, spinning and weaving absolutely fascinating, enjoyable and great for calming the brain-weasels.

I also really enjoy learning a new skill!

So don't discount things because you're not arty or you don't want quilted blankets or whatever, think about the processes involved in certain hobbies, would they be enjoyable. Would you enjoy learning them.

find a local archeology group?

You could look for classes/courses in your area or as a short break - you seemed to like the idea of beekeeping upthread and could probably find a course which would be something different to do. Gardening is a nice thing to get into and there are courses you could go on and local groups. Painting old furniture is having a bit of a moment.

If it helps, here are the things I did/tried:
Horse riding, yoga, seeing niche plays at small theatres, seeing live local bands, taking myself (with a friend if available) to a different city every couple of months and going on the tour/visiting the local museums, visiting the historical sites - streets, castles, houses that were mentioned in books I'd read. I enjoyed them all and do all (except riding) often.

Can’t believe no one has said writing yet!

I’m sure you have a novel in you, if you’re an avid reader.

Get yourself Stephen King’s “On Writing”, read it, and then get started! Write the book you’ve always wanted to read.

If it appeals, you could do a creative writing course, too.

Some more ideas!

• Researching your family history
• I’d love to learn more about essential oils - using them and maybe even learning to distil them!
• Tending to a small veg patch - we just bought a Veg Trug (a fully contained raised bed so not hours of weeding!)
• Growing cut flowers - even something like the dwarf sunflower varieties which seem pretty foolproof so far! Would fit in with the beekeeping if you do down that route
• Modern mending techniques - so sewing but practical rather than arty (also useful and not requiring too much ‘stuff’ like dress making and quilting do)
• Pottery and glass related hobbies also tend to have routes that are less ‘arty’ if you’re looking for practical. Can get expensive though 😅

Also if you love history - have you found The Rest Is History podcast? I love it!

And, maybe go to the library and look around the hobby section and see if anything jumps out!

I think also thinking about what you want a hobby for - social connections or just a way to get off your phone? Reading, cooking, sea swimming and walking are all things I’d count as hobbies!!

Orienteering has a unique balance between individual/social elements. It’s pretty much a solo adventure sport, which you start out engaging with on a pay-and-play basis, but run by clubs who will welcome and accommodate you. The adventures can be very very tiny, in city parks, or range across big landscapes. You have an ultra-detailed map and have to choose your own route to find the control points. Everyone carries a computer chip, which the clubs will lend you, to connect at each control so that when you come back you get an immediate download of your time and your splits.

Write short stories, poetry, a play. Or research an historical event that interests you and write about that.

Become a national trust or local area of interest guide.

Join a community choir

Join an AmDram group.

Yoga/ pilates
learn the guitar or ukelele
Learn / improve French/Spanish/Italian

I was about to suggest genealogy but I see I’ve been beaten to it. I also love The Rest Is History podcast @JamMonster

Maybe you need to relax and do nothing rather than fill your time with something else. Life is so busy .

Chess? You can do it online
Board games?

I struggled with piano for years. Had lessons but lost interest. Got a brilliant app 2 years ago and it's changed my life!! I play everyday and simply pay for fun.

My friend in a choir. Hiking good too. I walk but times didnt suit me as dinner time so I bring dog out. Reading clubs good too. Its hard op. I like cinema so my friend comes with me.

@Madameprof thank you. I shall look at the language courses.

@WiddlinDiddlin I get what you say about not looking for a hobby. I like learning new things. For me it’s probably more geared to knowledge than skills. But I can see the appeal of learning a skill for the process. Weaving or spinning appeals. Actually basket making does too. But that is probably just too esoteric!

@sixtyandsomething archeology is interesting. I think the problem - and it’s quite limiting I know - is that I’m not overly attracted by groups. I have another decade of work ahead of me (health permitting) as I’m the primary breadwinner and so much is expected of me in my professional life I’m looking for something a bit more insular as a hobby. I’m honestly quite sociable. But I don’t want any additional people depending on me.

@Lovelyview yes. Beekeeping is very attractive. Thank you.

@5128gap that is all so helpful. Lots of ideas where I’m neither relying on someone else or they on me.

@YellowCloud the loft of my parents’ home can attest to all the unfinished drafts. I was all set to be a poet when I was 18! I would like to think I have a novel inside me. So far that’s where it has remained!

@JamMonster i really like these suggestions. My cousin did the family trees in so much detail there is not much left to do. But I could do DH’s side. I’m going to look up the podcast now. A hobby for me is not really about more social connection as I am fortunate not to be at all socially isolated. It’s more about carving out something just for me and learning something new.

@YoureRockingTheBoat DD1 used to love orienteering. Not sure if I’m fit enough. It does appeal though.

@crockofshite the writing I shall definitely try to return to. The joining is more tricky as my work is so demanding I’d hate to let people down if I cannot commit sufficiently. I’m grateful for the nudge towards writing again.

@gerispringer DS plays the guitar really well. I’ll leave that to him. Yoga would benefit me. I quite fancy Italian.

Gardening, foreign language learning, piano lessons are all going to be seriously considered.

A return to creative writing is definitely on the cards.

Beekeeping, learning BSL and horse riding have really enthused me.

And I am particularly driven to try something new each month as per @5128gap

Thank you all for supporting me and taking an interest.

Have you thought about journaling? There are so many different ways to do it ~ it's great fun and can lead to other hobbies such as lettering. It can also lead to an addiction to stationery

Or, as you love reading, starting a commonplace book?

I'm not sporty although I am crafty. I do:
Sewing
Knitting
Ceroc dancing
Ice Skating
Gardening

Learn a language on DuoLingo? Easy, on your phone, progressively challenging and you do learn with it.

Are you political? Now might be a good time to get involved with a resurgent Labour Party at a local level, or else try and save the Tories! Lighthearted.

Learning a foreign language would be a highly beneficial thing to do as research shows this has benefits for the brain such as delaying the onset of dementia, maybe join an evening class?

@BestIsWest genealogy certainly appeals. I have all my grandmother’s photos too.

@Mairzydotes you are not wrong about needing to relax. I just feel so bored with myself at times!

@PotOfTulips I adore board games. We play quite often as a family. I’d like to get better at chess (i am rubbish).

@Fredbaassett do you mind telling me what app it was? Thank you.

@Mary46 it is hard I agree. I do also really like film. Go quite often. Saw Vanya and that was incredible.

i am learning German through an online app, which I am really enjoying. Once I can actually talk abit I’d like to go to a club or something. Plus I do martial arts twice a week. I am not really sporty but I enjoy it.

Totally relate to a hobby that is non-social. I interact with people as a core requirement of my job, and I love doing things that need zero response. On that basis I get a lot from sewing and crochet, usually with a good podcast on the go. But I will also enjoy a jigsaw or a long walk - just enough to rebalance and want to see people again!