AIBU not to have a hobby. And moreover to ask you to help me find one.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I am 57. Have a full time very intellectually demanding job that leaves me a bit wiped out at the end of each day/week.

I have 2 young adult daughters who are students (one at home full time and one back for the holidays). Both supportive of me and encouraging. I have a DS who is 12. He still requires parenting but is as independent as you’d expect at his age. My DH has hobbies. Also encouraging of me. But I seem to have lost my way.

Things I do - read (literature is my passion), cook quite well, walk for 50 minutes every day, swim in the sea as often as I can. Cycle occasionally. I love history too.

I used to play the piano but am so rusty now I get no pleasure from it. I have a good sized garden but little knowledge as to what to do with it.

I am really the most artistically challenged person you will ever meet. I can’t draw or paint or sew or knit. I’ve tried those things. Never good results and they do not engage me. Nothing crafty has ever engaged me.

I am not sporty, not arty, not particularly musical really (the piano I worked hard at as a child:teenager, but I was not talented). I am academically able, but my brain is full! I feel a bit lost and would like something beyond family and work (must as I love both).

Gardening or learning a foreign language seem like possibilities. But I never get around to them. I am late to the menopause (only this year) and feel generally out of sorts and looking for something.

Lots of demands on money given the children but I earn a decent income and could afford to spend a bit (more regular outlay, rather than a huge initial spend) on something to engage me.

I do know this is an indulgent ask and that my searching for a hobby is not important in the scheme of things.

Thanks all.

Maybe learn to play a new instrument (flute or clarinet) with lessons. You could play in a local orchestra when you are more confident.

Try diamond art...it's very relaxing ☺️

How about an allotment? You mentioned you like being outside and in nature. I took one on last year and it’s one of the best things I’ve done. There’s always plenty of people to have a chat to but it’s also solitary and relaxing. If you had some paths or a smaller plot it wouldn’t have to be that time consuming and you get something out of it. I’ve found it different to gardening at home and there aren’t the distractions with children/pets etc.

A bit random, but have you thought about growing bonsai trees? I heard about someone who started this several years ago and has joined a club as she enjoys it so much

@KnitnNatterAuntie that is an inspired idea. I really like it. It’s going on my A list

@Boxina gardening is definitely on my list. My ankles are no good for skating!

@VestaTilley yes. I am political. I have been a member of the Labour Party for years. It’s the regular time commitment that is tricky for me. I don’t want to let people down. I have committed to some local leafleting though.

@LadyMcLadyface i keep coming back to the language idea. BSL is the front runner. Thank you.

I have been so encouraged by everyone’s input. Thank you all.

I second the pp who suggested writing. You can do it anywhere and indoors or out.
One of my DD did a 1000 words a day online challenge and by the third week it was hard not to write. It's a great way to get into 'the zone' for writing.

How about doing a gardening course and then you can put what you learn into practice in your own garden if you think gardening is a contender.

I took up yoga 4 years ago and absolutely love it.

@Neodymium I had not thought of German. Interesting idea. I do not think I’m built for martial arts. DS does it. I can see the benefits for sure.

@EATmum yes it’s hard to commit to a hobby that requires social interaction when your working day also requires it.

@thebestway I love the idea of the clarinet. Though something in me feels silly learning it at my age! Totally my issue.

@twentysevendresses i have never heard of diamond art. I shall look it up.

@Allotmenthelp. It does appeal. Although our garden requires so much TLC it would feel odd to turn my attention elsewhere before sorting that out.

@KnitnNatterAuntie amother inspired suggestion. Thank you. Really interested in doing this. It’s joined my A list.

I am really humbled that so many of you have stopped to chat with me about this.

Thanks OP for your post and to everyone for the responses. Pretty sure I'm not the only one lifting some of these ideas.

@ODFOx i havd been really motivated to turn my attention back to writing. Thank you.

@JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome gardening has featured large on this thread. I do feel motivated to persue it. Thank you.

@flyright it’s been really thought provoking hasn’t it. Even those suggestions that don’t quite fit for me have been interesting to think about.

Maybe we need to combine some of them for maximum chance of success - journaling about taking up gardening ...

Learn about something completely different?

https://psychoanalysis.org.uk/short-courses/the-introductory-lectures#:~:text=Our%20Introductory%20Lectures%20and%20Seminars,attend%20one%20or%20all%20terms.

@flyright you are not wrong. Journalling about bee keeping maybe?

@Unusualhazelnut that looks fascinating. Thank you. It definitely appeals to my thirst for knowledge.

Omg, who mentioned horse riding? Mad, before you know it, you’re addicted and decide (wrongly) that owning your own so you can ride as often as you like is the way forward. It is not! You’ll end up buying something fabulous that eventually breaks but you don’t care because you love your horse. Believe me, I did this in my 30s. I was never home! Saying that, I’ve recently lost weight following a nasty accident and I’m a bit keen to get back into it. Two of my colleagues are keen to do a one off lesson in summer.

I too am looking for a new hobby. I think I want to go swimming (love it) and to the gym. I really need to motivate myself to get into it. I love running too, but my knee is too buggered for that. I don’t really want to socialise or be made to go somewhere at a fixed time every week.

@Cherrysoup I do see how the horse riding might become a money pit. I definitely do not have the funds to buy my own. Though I could probably afford regular lessons. The sea swimming is a real love of mine. I am
fortunate to live near the coast. Not so keen on swimming pools. Like you I am not really looking for socialising opportunities. There have been so many great ideas here.

Just thought of a couple more!

Jigsaw puzzles . . . there is a lovely literary series by Laurence King which might interest you. I have recently discovered Wentworth puzzles . . . they are high quality wooden jigsaws which have unconventional pieces including 'whimsies' (pieces cut into shapes with the theme of the puzzle). They are a bit of a collectors item.

Board games . . . . I think someone has already mentioned this but there are some really fantastic games out there which you, your DH & DC may enjoy. I can highly recommend
Catan
Carcassone
Raccoon Tycoon (LOVE the auctions!)
Trekking through History (this may be a good one for you to start with)
Ticket to Ride
Takenoko
Splendor
Camel Up
Jaipur (2 players only)

Lots of these have expansion packs available which increase the ways you can play

Thank you for starting this thread . . . . it's been lovely reading everyone's suggestions and has been really thought provoking. It's so lovely when someone has a hobby and it makes gift buying a lot easier. My family all do jigsaws and play board games so I never have problems finding them gifts for birthdays & Christmas!

Sounds like you have hobbies though - I read/swim/cook/cycle and consider that plenty of hobbies.

Why do you want more? Are you bored? Surely not with your full time job!

I wouldn't beat yourself up - it sounds like you have a very full life!

I'm back again! 😂

AS you're interested in gardening and you're good at cooking, do you have a herb garden? I have done this (I've only got four large pots!) and it's a lovely thing to do. It's great fun watching out for unusual varieties . . . I never realised there are so many different varieties of mint until I started.

Is there an amateur choir you could join locally?

I think some of our hobbies, particularly things like reading, cooking, knitting, walking & gardening, become such a part of our daily lives that we no longer regard them as hobbies!

It's lovely to try new things and I have really enjoyed reading all the ideas that posters have written about. I've now got a list of new things to try in the back of my journal!

I do adult tap dancing! Great for mind and body! I find it’s a bit like that pat your head and rub your tummy task! IT’s trickier than it looks to get hands and feet doing different things at the same time, so really works your brain and is all consuming during the class!

I need to join here to suggest parkrun. Zero commitment, as social or solo as you want and most importantly you can walk, run or volunteer. I’m really enjoying visiting different ones in new places as an anchor for mini-adventures. Volunteering at junior parkrun on Sundays gives the most joy for an hour of your time!

Volunteering? Brownies etc are always after new leaders & often you can make new friends via that too. Following this thread though as it's great 😊

i hope you give something - I feel a bit like you: I play a bit of piano, occasionally ride, walk and do Pilates/yoga but with a busy job, lots of travel and 4 DC of similar ages it’s hard to find the time for me.