AIBU not to have a hobby. And moreover to ask you to help me find one.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

I am 57. Have a full time very intellectually demanding job that leaves me a bit wiped out at the end of each day/week.

I have 2 young adult daughters who are students (one at home full time and one back for the holidays). Both supportive of me and encouraging. I have a DS who is 12. He still requires parenting but is as independent as you’d expect at his age. My DH has hobbies. Also encouraging of me. But I seem to have lost my way.

Things I do - read (literature is my passion), cook quite well, walk for 50 minutes every day, swim in the sea as often as I can. Cycle occasionally. I love history too.

I used to play the piano but am so rusty now I get no pleasure from it. I have a good sized garden but little knowledge as to what to do with it.

I am really the most artistically challenged person you will ever meet. I can’t draw or paint or sew or knit. I’ve tried those things. Never good results and they do not engage me. Nothing crafty has ever engaged me.

I am not sporty, not arty, not particularly musical really (the piano I worked hard at as a child:teenager, but I was not talented). I am academically able, but my brain is full! I feel a bit lost and would like something beyond family and work (must as I love both).

Gardening or learning a foreign language seem like possibilities. But I never get around to them. I am late to the menopause (only this year) and feel generally out of sorts and looking for something.

Lots of demands on money given the children but I earn a decent income and could afford to spend a bit (more regular outlay, rather than a huge initial spend) on something to engage me.

I do know this is an indulgent ask and that my searching for a hobby is not important in the scheme of things.

Thanks all.

I'm similar in that I don't really have any arty skills, so hobbies like knitting/crochet aren't for me, but I also walk a lot like you so that and exercise are my hobbies. I do a face to face boot camp class, online kettlebells with the same trainer and then use apple fitness plus twice a week for strength, core & HIIT (also heading into meno so building up my strength).
I do read but want to read what I want so a book club isn't for me, but it might be for you?
Sea swimming club?

I do know this is an indulgent ask and that my searching for a hobby is not important in the scheme of things.

Also that's not true! It's great that you want to do something for yourself, your DH does, I bet your DC do so why shouldn't you 😊

Walking/rambling club?
Local history group?

You could start having piano lessons with a teacher again. If you used to enjoy it.

I took it up aged 40 and I'm not particularly good but my teacher is really supportive and we play music I enjoy.

I find it really soothing to practise as I forget about everything when I'm concentrating.

I've been learning pieces from my favourite costume dramas so Bach, Handel and Chopin. Then I can pretend I'm Elizabeth Bennett playing at Pemberley!

Join a book club.

Is there a community group which does gardening? A few have popped up round our way planting up random bits of land.

It sounds like you have hobbies but they are all solitary , are you missing friendship and something you have in common to talk to them about? What about a gardening course ( which would help you meet like- minded individuals) or volunteering at a stately home? Learn a language at evening classes?

Rambling group?

Quilting? It’s not as crafty as you might think, requires precision and accuracy, but lovely modern quilt patterns like Elizabeth Hartman ones can walk you through it.

BSL classes if there’s some near you?

Or have a look at the adult classes offered by your local college, for example mine does a cake decorating course, photography, pottery or print making.

As literature is your passion. Perhaps you could find a good book club locally.

Horse riding!!! Am loving it.

I'd second quilting or sewing. It's way easier than knitting as you use a machine! And it's basically following instructions once you've got the basics. There's loads of sewing groups around so you can be social if wanted, also you can be solitary if you prefer ! I had a couple of classes and then YouTube/Craftsy was my teacher.
It's also a habit that welcomes rich people as you can buy lots of lovely fabric

I think hobbies are very important! They are good for your mental health and if you do something where you meet like minded people then there is a joy in being part of your tribe. Assuming you walk outside have you thought about a photography course? Is there something that would drive you towards learning something new?
I know you say you are not arty or crafty but I would encourage you to see if there is something you take to, creating is hugely rewarding and has proven benefits. I was discouraged by the art department at school because art equalled representational drawing which I couldn’t do. Years later I fell into a few different crafts and when I found one that spoke to me went down that route. I was recently taught to crochet, others have tried in the past and failed. I now know that it won’t be perfect and can live with the wonky results while I practice!
The key really is being open to trying new things.

When you are tired what energises you most, people, places or things?

@GoingOnHol thank you. Yes DH and DCs do have hobbies. They are totally supportive of me having mine. I just can’t seem to settle on something.

@bridgetreilly I am more into global history than local history. I like the idea of a rambling club but that’s most of a day at a time and I just don’t have enough of a gap in one go at the moment. Thank you.

@NowyouhaveDunnett I do think piano lessons might be a thing for me. I have thought about it. You have given me a bit of a nudge. Thank you.

@MinnieMountain Book club a good idea. There don’t seem to be many in person ones in my area. I’m a bit done with on line. But I will consider it. Thank you.

@olympicsrock I should have said I do have some really good friendships and part of my difficulty is that I’m not necessarily looking for something overly social. I’m not entirely resistant to making new friends but that’s not the purpose of my seeking a hobby. Sometimes I feel a bit “peopled out”. My working life requires me to interact with people every day. Some peace at times would be welcome. The language or gardening courses are definitely worth thinking about. Thank you.

@OperationalSupport Oh oh. BSL. Oh my. I love this idea. Thank you so much. Front runner so far.

@Weller123 yes. The right book club would be wonderful. I have struggled a bit to find a good fit. Thank you. I shall keep looking.

@gettingolderbutcooler horse riding also a good shout. If I can find a horse that will accommodate my large behind! Thank you.

@Keepthosenamesgoing my lovely DM used to sew and quilt. I am afraid that gene seems to have passed me by entirely. Thank you though.

@eatreadsleeprepeat thank you for the suggestion. My DH is a photographer (and graphic designer). He would always be encouraging. But I’d feel in his shadow I think. And I really don’t have the passion for it I suppose. I entirely agree about the importance of hobbies.

@Doable brilliant question. I suppose it’s people that energise me. But I do think I’m looking for a hobby that, if not solitary exactly, can be developed alone.

I am very grateful to you all. I am definitely going to look into learning BSL. That has really inspired me. Horse riding, gardening, book club and piano lessons also being considered.

If it’s not for social reasons, then I think you’re fine already. Read more! Swim more!

How about baking? Try different loaf cakes, tray bakes, challenge yourself to make your childrens birthday cakes 🍰

@bridgetreilly thank you. Reading and swimming more is good. But I’m looking for something else. I’m feeling like I’ve lost myself a bit. Wanted a new challenge. Something to excite me a bit.

Have you considered beekeeping, if you have a decent sized garden, or access to some suitable land? I've got a couple of hives, and I LOVE pottering around with my bees.

@Sparklyhat thank you. I do enjoy cooking and baking and have always made the birthday cakes. I do see that there is scope for developing my baking skills. Presently my cakes taste better than they look!

@PonyPatter44 beekeeping I would absolutely love. The combination of being outside combined with an academic element behind it really appeals. I’m a bit worried about how the neighbours would react. The garden is decent size for a city. But it is in a city. I will look into it. Thank you.

Community choir or rock choir

I'm learning Arabic,

Mostly Duolingo plus some books.

@cestlavielife a community choir is a good shout. Thank you. My DD1 goes to our nearest one and (for health reasons) her independence has been hard won so I’d not want to invade her territory. But there must be others.

Personally I wouldn't try to find a hobby. Because hobbies should ideally find you, arising naturally as a result of trying out different stuff and realising you'd like to do it regularly. So rather than compile a list of possibilities and make yourself do one of them for the sake of having a hobby, I think you'd be better resolving to try a new experience every month and focus on pleasure rather than passtime. I'm 55 and I don't have a hobby, I just make sure whatever I do in my free time is fun, interesting and pleasurable. And if that's 'just' reading rather than A Hobby.. so what? I'm not a girl guide and I won't be getting a badge.

@Octavia64 is Arabic hard? Sounds really impressive.

Yoga - for the stretch and strengthening. The benefits of exercise with a nice dose of mindfulness and a pause for the mind . You have to find the right teacher for you - beginners courses are good to start you off . There is lots of history / philosophy in yoga that you can also read about .