To think DS shouldn't be left out of play dates for this reason?

[conabikeman]

I have a 10 year old son and am divorced from his dad.

My custody and work schedule make it very hard for DS to have play dates at our house.

I don't have him at weekends and after school activities and my own work, rule out weekdays.

He's new to the school and used to get invited to a lot of play dates. I recently find out his circle of friends are having play dates without him, which I suspect may be because I can't reciprocate on the play dates, because he is with his dad (who is not set up to arrange such things). His dad certainly isn't going to give me more time with him, and even if he did, I tend to work at the weekends.

I only just found out that all the kids in that group had a play date at one of the houses on Saturday and DS wasn't invited.

Granted it might be for a different reason but I suspect not.

I'm absolutely devastated about this. I cried myself to sleep over it last night.

I feel like I've let him down so much and he's such a good kid and has always had such great friends over the years, so this is really breaking my heart.

I do understand that it's annoying if you're always the one hosting the play dates, but I feel so stuck about how to resolve it.

So you get all the shit day to day stuff and he gets the chilled weekends? that's no good, and no court would do things this way. Tell dad you need a change and you need every other weekend and you'll go to court if needed.

If you're not willing to change this and even if he did, I tend to work at the weekends then poor kid.......

Is there a reason dad can’t host? I’m divorced and my ex lives in the next town. Be used to do EOW in the early days when the kids were younger but he often hosted play dates with one of 2 of the friends. Before he moved out of town he lived nearer to us and the school etc and often took turns with one of the mothers to have them for tea. Now they’re secondary school he barely sees them though. lol.

I work full time from home. I usually just book a friday afternoon every so often for playdates. Just contact his friends’ parents, arrange a time that works, and book it off.

Isn't he a bit old for 'playdates' at 10?

At that age I was out playing or had friends round for tea.

@bluewaxcrayon "if that's all having extra children, who are not yours, is for you, then great.

It's not really how it is for most people though. We can't just close the door, and leave them to it for 2 hours, and just make an extra portion of pasta."

So what else do you do when your 10 year old has a friend round to play/tea?