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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband to not attend nursery graduation?

628 replies

AleenaM · 09/06/2024 11:30

Nursery graduation at the end of the month and summer party right after, but husband says he has a sports/hobby competition that day. Don't know if he's joking but even the suggestion annoys me.

AIBU to expect him to attend party? Child won't graduate again but I'm sure they'll be competitions again. He is just getting back into this sport and it's a regional competition, it's not like a once in a lifetime olympics or something ...

OP posts:
RoseGoldEagle · 09/06/2024 15:15

There this weird obsession these days with making everything a big event. It kind of makes the things that do actually matter a bit meaningless. And also when it’s on behalf of a child- is OTT- I have been to 2 of my children’s ’nursery graduations’, and the amount of parents in tears- when the kid are like- yep, done with that, what’s next? It’s too much! I would no way expect my DH to attend with me.

Ereyraa · 09/06/2024 15:15

No, it’s fine if he doesn’t go.

bluewaxcrayon · 09/06/2024 15:18

I thought that it was literally the point of having 2 parents. You can tag-team and do not have to attend every single of the kids "event", but as you are equal parent, you share.

If one decides to do nothing but the kids events, I wouldn't say it's healthy, but it's a choice. You don't get to become a martyr though, and to try to force the other one to have no life. You can have one too!

Candyfloss99 · 09/06/2024 15:19

Nursery "graduation"? Are you for real???

Lillers · 09/06/2024 15:20

You do this one, he does the next one. Easy.

alittlehopeisadangerousthing · 09/06/2024 15:21

Graduation from NURSERY?

ROFL

Xelda · 09/06/2024 15:21

I saw DD's 'graduation' from nursery as a bit of fun and basically just a leaving party. Never crossed our minds for Dh to attend.

Scruffily · 09/06/2024 15:21

If you were both at work that day, would you really think it worth it for both of you to take a day's holiday for this? I definitely wouldn't.

zeibesaffron · 09/06/2024 15:22

I went my DH didn’t- took some photos and a video! That was fine.

BananaLambo · 09/06/2024 15:22

Both of mine graduated from nursery. It was lovely, actually, and a great way to be able to say thank you to all the staff and goodbye to the children and parents in the same year. There was a party after and all the kids were running around in their graduation gowns. It was very very cute.

DancelikeFredAstaire · 09/06/2024 15:22

What subject did she graduate in? Peppa Pig? Bluey? How to sit still for more than 10 minutes?

Chickpea17 · 09/06/2024 15:23

Pardon??

elliejjtiny · 09/06/2024 15:23

Nursery graduations were just starting to be a thing when between my dc2 and my dc3 being that age. My dc3 couldn't go to preschool because the one near my older dc school moved to the other side of town. My dc4 was in an out of hospital, I had a newborn and the logistics just didn't work. My youngest 2 went to a SEN preschool and they wanted to keep the leaving very low key so they just had a little party for the ones going to school and gave us a folder with all their artwork and photos in. I was sad that none of them got to have a nursery/preschool graduation. Dc2 couldn't cope with his year 11 prom either. So now we make the most of this kind of thing and celebrate it all. I don't know what celebrations my dc will be able to take part in as they get older so we make the ones they can do extra special. I always think it's a bit mean when some people on here sneer at nursery graduations and call them ridiculous. For some parents it will be the only ceremony they can watch their child do.

Ereyraa · 09/06/2024 15:24

DancelikeFredAstaire · 09/06/2024 15:22

What subject did she graduate in? Peppa Pig? Bluey? How to sit still for more than 10 minutes?

How to pose for nice photos for mum to post on social media.

#soproudofthisone
#howismybabygoingtoschool
#blessed

PrincessMiranda · 09/06/2024 15:24

I don’t blame him.

StrawberryWater · 09/06/2024 15:24

My son had a nursery graduation.

It was tedious in the extreme and I was so bored and it was cringe as fuck (especially when they started giving out parents awards and they all went to one family lol but I digress) but I still wouldn't have missed it. DS in his little cap and gown looked adorable! I love those pictures.

Andthatwasthatshesaid · 09/06/2024 15:25

Ex Nursery Manager here and I am a bit meh at at “ graduation “ when children leave to go to school. Of course they’re missed but they are moving onto bigger and better things. They are growing up. They are four years old.

Chill op.

If you’re like this now you’re in for a rough ride in the school years.

YABU.

Choochoo21 · 09/06/2024 15:25

If it was any other event then I’d say he’s BU not to go.

But I do think graduation ceremonies for nursery are so silly and it’s drives me mad (same as gender reveals etc not everything has to be a big deal) and so I wouldn’t cancel anything important for it.

However, I would assume that you are going to go because you’ll feel bad if she’s the only one missing out from her class.

So you have to cancel whatever plans you may have had to be there for your child, whilst your DH doesn’t, which does seem fair.

If he had nothing else to do or something he could do any other weekend, then I’d think he was BU.

But although I understand why you’re feeling annoyed over it, I think it’s ok to miss it if he has a rare event on the same day.

ACynicalDad · 09/06/2024 15:25

I would want to be there but if one of us missed it I really wouldn’t be bothered.

Andthatwasthatshesaid · 09/06/2024 15:26

Ereyraa · 09/06/2024 15:24

How to pose for nice photos for mum to post on social media.

#soproudofthisone
#howismybabygoingtoschool
#blessed

Edited
Show quote history

Yep. In a nutshell.

Ponderingwindow · 09/06/2024 15:26

All these little events we have now may be a bit silly in some ways, but they matter. It could be called something other than a graduation and some people would take it more seriously. It’s an opportunity for insight into your child’s life and most importantly, to show your child that you care. Showing up is important.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2024 15:26

Nori10 · 09/06/2024 11:50

I think regardless of views on nursery graduation ceremonies, the fact it's an event and made to feel important to the kids, they (kids) attach importance to it and it's understandable that they'd like their parents there, especially when they see their peers parents there too. So for that reason, I think parents should make the effort. It's not the poor kids fault, these ceremonies exist!

But lots of things are made to feel important. Kids do one school assembly a term and one Inspire morning. DH can only book leave in half days. We have kids in two classes kids. That's two days a term, six days a year. Plus two mornings of Sports Day. Seven days. Easter, Christmas assembly. Eight days. A full trip out which really need parents. Nine days. School play. Nine and a half days. So ten days of parental leave before you've touched school holidays, teachers training, snow days or sickness

LakeTiticaca · 09/06/2024 15:30

It's all getting a bit out of hand now. I thought it was daft having year 6 graduations to high school, and of course the ridiculous proms that get more pretentious every year, parents bankrupting themselves so their kid won't be the one that gets laughed at. Now it's ruddy nursery graduations as well!!!
Somebody please deliver us from all this nonsense!!

PollyPeachum · 09/06/2024 15:31

A ceremony for Nursery? WTAF. What country are you in? Narnia!
She will have forgotten it by Christmas.

RafaFan · 09/06/2024 15:31

tillytoodles1 · 09/06/2024 11:32

Graduation from Nursery? That's a new one for me.

If OP is in the UK, I expect it's an idea imported from N. America, along with proms, baby showers, gender reveals, and the whole family wearing matching PJs on Christmas Eve etc. I'm in Canada, and my kids had preschool graduations. Kind of ridiculous, given the kids had no idea what it was about. My son is missing his "grade 5 graduation' this year because we're away, and he's not in the least bothered about it.