Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

[Selman]

I have one friend who is ridiculously well off, at least to me!
His parents owned a company they sold in the mid 2000s, no idea how much for but a good amount!
He has a house worth I'd say around 5 mil in London, 3 other properties he rents out, 2 holiday homes which sit effectively empty all year (all purchased with his parents money) and must take home around 200k a year. He has one child who he sends to a very expensive prep school, has a nanny for and spends thousands on her hobbies.
Tonight we were talking about politics etc. when a friend mentioned that he is extremely privileged. He became very defensive and disagreed as he works like everyone else and his daughter will have to as well (she will be gifted a 3 bedroom flat worth over 1mil and a trust fund).
He made a big deal about his parents not being very smart with the proceeds of the sale of their company in his opinion as "other than rental income" they don't have any real investments. He kept going on about how he HAS to work. When it was pointed out if he sold his house and moved into a perfectly lovely 1mil house he wouldn't have to work he got more defensive.
Now generally I don't care how well off or not someone is, I have friends from every background and as long as they are a decent person I couldn't care less about income.
Now I'm thinking - he is a twat! I don't care about how much he has as long as he knows he's privileged and I genuinely think he views him self as an average joe putting in the graft to get by when the reality is he's ridiculously well off and must own nearly 10mil in property!!
AIBU to end a friendship over this and tell him exactly why?!

See, friendship to me is not constantly reminding your friends of things and expecting them to flagellate themselves.

Why would you think that was anyone’s definition of friendship? 😆

Not really. How would we ever know she get all her home improvements paid for?

I'm pretty sure he does know he's privileged but was probably feeling slightly embarrassed and defensive so was trying to minimise it - it's not very British to discuss one's wealth!
To be honest, I think your other friend was rude to bring it up.

I take your well hidden point that it's my opinion of what the real world is - everyone here is giving an opinion, no one is right or wrong.

Generally people that live with enormous privilege are out of touch. Royal family, for example. No idea what it feels like to struggle with childcare, electricity bills or have to cut back the food budget. The majority of people have experienced this at some point.

Why would you end a friendship over this?

Presumably you're friends because you enjoy each others company, like to spend time together, would help each other out etc.

Why would a difference of opinion over financial circumstances affect any of that?

I actually feel quite sorry for him in this scenario - you both backed him into a corner and tried to shout him down until he basically shut up and agreed with you.

His personal situation is not something that should have been brought into a discussion about politics unless he chose to bring it up himself. He was clearly uncomfortable so why did you keep pushing?

I'm also not sure why you'd end a friendship over this, but I can certainly understand why he would!

Why end the friendship?
Why even talk about your friend's wealth? That is so rude.
Is he a good friend?
It would be sad and not the best outcome for anyone to ever have to sell their home if they wish to stay living there? What type of friend would suggest that their friend sells their home or that their friend doesn't work hard for what they earn and contribute?

Your wealthy friend couldn't help who his parents were and he is not fussed how wealthy or poor his friends are. It's a pity those friends are acting with some cruelty and bad manners.

Who pays the most tax? Who pays the most to charities?

His money is none of your business. You sound jealous and I doubt you’re a true friend anyway. Move on!

The danger is when people compare themselves to others, and take on a victim mentality. Which us insufferable and so annoying.

Don't ever compare. Once you get to know someone, you realise that everyone is struggling or suffering in some way. Anything could be going on behind the scenes - depression, family estrangement, sickness, anxiety, bereavement...etc. Money helps but it doesn't solve everything. Mansions are just big empty buildings. If you're not happy, what's the point.

Don't demean your friend, or anyone else, because they have extra digits in their bank account. Focus on your own life. This whole 'privilege' thing is nonsense. It comes from a place of bitterness and a poor me mentality. My parents grew up with no bathrooms in Ireland. Had to do their business in a shed. They had no self pity though. Stop looking over your neighbours fence in anger. If you act the victim, you'll always be a victim.

I actually feel quite sorry for him in this scenario - you both backed him into a corner and tried to shout him down until he basically shut up and agreed with you.

Im baffled as to how you can read the OP and infer the above? Where was the shouting? Where did it say he was in agreement?

Clearly comprehension is a rare skill these days!

It’s all relative. He may not be well off compared to others in his social group. It’s not your job to make him aware of his privilege though.

People questioning your friend are being rude. It's none of anyone's business. Some friend you are.

Why do you have to be right?

You are actually voicing so much intolerance that you want to show how right and righteous you are by ending a friendship with someone who inimagine is otherwise perfectly pleasant?

There is a reason for the rule about never talking politics or money with friends.

You say you couldn't care less about someone's income but i think you very much do. You are the one making an issue out of this not him Maybe he is the one that needs to end this friendship, after all who needs friends that spout off about you finances.

Are you always so literal?

I wouldn't end the relationship just on this basis. If he was a DH in general, yes. My dear friends were left millions and property by her DM and her husband's mum left Millions too, very well off, worth around 10 million combined. They are really nice, know how privileged they are, but also worked and maintained they have worked towards their wealth as it is, in reality, its spending money. However, its none of my business... they're kind decent folk who have helped others less fortunate, not with cash but with their time.
Another friend who was loaded, once made me hold my hand out whilst she counted 10k out into my hand, her holiday spending money , Knowing i was struggling, rubbing it in my face... humiliation. I haven't had anything to do with her since. Luckily im on my feet now and well...ish off. Hard work... no hand outs. I think if they're/he is decent as a person it doesn't matter if he doesnt see hes privileged, as long as he doesn't look down on people

His lack of self awareness and entitlement would put me off him too.

I'm sorry, but I also smell jealousy conveniently cloaked under political correctness...

Typical MN making out OP is jealous.

OP it’s totally up to you who you are friends with and the reasons behind it. For me (as someone with no money what so ever) I don’t think I would be friends with him in the first place, not because I judge people on what they earn but because I mix in different circles. I don’t think it was right to comment on his financial situation, it probably came across as a personal attack. If you want to stay friends with him then do, it might be that he doesn’t want to stay friends with you?

I think it's funny that OP seems annoyed that they think this man doesn't need to work, but yet he does.

I'd like to know their opinion on all those who should work but don't 😉

This. He was ganged up on and defended himself. It’s the two of you who don’t know what friendship is.

I'd hate if my friendship group was rude enough to start counting my money. I have a friend in similar position to your wealthy friend who would complain she has to rent a cheap caravan for holidays as all her money is tied up in investments and salary (solid 6 figures for her, and high 5 figures for hubby) barely keeps them on the breadline.
But I wouldn't imagine shoving this back to her; I would listen and sympathise and carry on.

@fieldsofbutterflies do you know the meaning of the word literal?

You don’t need to answer by the way 😆