I hate my 19 month old

[hadrnnnough]

I don’t get how anyone can enjoy this? I don’t have pnd, I just am totally bloody sick of the screaming and resisting the car seat, the refusal to have a nappy changed, the wailing in the bath, the throwing food, the throwing objects, the pulling and kicking me. Yes he’s cute and yes sometimes it’s lovely but being honest that’s mostly when he’s asleep.

I hate it. I have a massively stressful job and genuinely look forward to Monday. Am I just a terrible mum? Maybe I’m not good at this? I actually thought I would be and sailed through the baby phase. Is this what life is like from now on. Awful.

You don't hate him, you hate the stage he's at and tbf it sounds like he is at a tough one right now.

This stage will pass.

As children get better at speaking and making themselves understood, their tantrums/hitting often lessen as they aren't as frustrated anymore.

You don’t hate your child, you hate this stage.

i mainly hated the 18-3 years old stage as it is RELENTLESS. Yes there is lovely bits in there and i love my children but man… they could test anyone’s sanity.

not much helpful advice but you are honestly not alone in feeling like this.

i hope your partner is hands on and helps and gives you a break.

Hang in there OP, I promise you it will get easier!

I'm in the same stage. Fortunately I have an older one and I know it passes. I think once they can talk more it gets easier. My little boy can barely say anything at all and this adds to his frustration in my opinion.
Closer to 2 things get better, I think. It all gets better.

18m-3 is the worst, it will get better. Sounds like you need a break- do you have a partner? Can you have a nice day out by yourself doing something you enjoy or can they take the little one out while you have a nice soak in the bath and relax?

I absolutely hated the toddler stage, and very much felt like I was just pushing through and wishing the time away. At around 3.5-4 they became much more enjoyable again.

I don’t have any time to myself it’s just work Monday to Friday then ds. No partner and no other help.

I have started wondering if I should go down to four days and have a day off to myself in the week every week as I am truly losing the plot at the moment. My worry is money, it would reduce my pay to 60k and while I am getting maintenance I never feel I can rely on it (490 a month at the mo). Just don’t know what to do. And DS’s dad is fully absent

You need help!! Have a day or 2 off to yourself while dc is in nursery. Money isn't everything you need your sanity. Mine is nearly 2.5 with everyday tantrums so I know where you're coming from

I remember this feeling op! DS is now nearly 3 and it’s getting better but you are in the thick of it now. It was around 2 that it started to get better for me, he started sleeping and talking more and stopped fighting so much.
I use one of the nursery workers to babysit every so often so I can have a few weekend hours to myself and I take a half day/full day holiday every few weeks and just stare at the walls! Can you do that sort of thing?
I thought about 4 days too but the lack of guarantee of being able to go back full time later on held me back.

Could you get a babysitter/helper - 1-2 nights a week? Say you 18:00 - 21:00 or on the weekends.
Maybe a student.
They clean up the kitchen, put a wash on, hang up washing or what ever time consuming jobs you need doing.
You can concentrate on putting your baby to bed and then maybe put Your feet up a bit. My son often babysits while the parents are in the house

Some kids are just much, much harder work than others. It’s stressful, thankless and yes, pretty miserable day in day out.

One day you’ll be able to look back and thank your lucky stars that your toddler wrangling days are well behind you.

It gets better.

As pp’s said, it’s the stage that you dislike.

Mine is 18 months and I also just had twins in April. I’m reminded again x2 about how much I hate the newborn stage but I’m actually enjoying DC more at 18 months.

It’s different for everyone and will get better, I promise.

Is he talking OP?

Some children are just harder than others at any given stage (but not necessarily at all stages!). Don't tell yourself that other people enjoy it because they are good parents and you're not - that's not it at all! An 'amazing parent' can have a tricky second baby and realise that the reason the first one was easy wasn't actually brilliant parenting! A lot of it is sheer luck. This stage will pass.

@Workbabysleeprepeat yes that’s my worry that I wouldn’t be able to get the hours back up as I would want to when they’re in school.

ive honestly just had enough of never ever having one day to myself. I was doing ok but these tantrums are really getting to me. I do know on some level it will pass but I truly hate it. I basically have no life at all other than my work.

People saying things get easier at 2.. I don't think this is the case for the majority. Generally 18 months - 3 being difficult is more accurate in my experience, but of course all children are different. Sympathies OP, my toddler (almost 3) has had an extremely difficult day.. and now she's asleep (after a massive tantrum lasting half an hour or so) far, far too early and will be awake at God knows what hour. It's not easy.

Does he speak? It gets much much easier when they can effectively communicate. Imagine how frustrating it would be to know what you want/need/feel, but to have no real way of expressing it. Two of mine have been mildly speech delayed and teaching them basic sign language helped immensely. It’s just a stage, and it will pass.

I have no other advice that hasn't been given by previous PPs. However, you don't know it yet, but your little 19mth old is going to become your best friend. Like no other you've ever experienced. I know it's hard, I've been there. Hang on, everything is temporary, and you've already done a chunk of hard work. Better days are coming.

I echo what everyone else says but I would also see what is he like at crèche/ childminder can you get any tips from them.

Routine is key so try and be consistent.

Get out of the house as much as you can. Walk with him in buggy and do as much interesting stuff as you can. Things like feeding ducks, petting farm, soft play etc so that he's tired out but also to stimulate the brain and help with speech.

Do as much as you can to reduce your stress. Things like get your groceries delivered so you don't have to get through the supermarket with him. Maybe book a babysitter one night a week and have a night off. Toddler proof as much as you can so you don't continually have to worry about what he touches etc put the high chair somewhere with easy clean walls/ floors and encourage good behaviour but throwing food is a phase.

If you need a break can you use annual leave for a child free day? It might be cheaper to make some parental leave (usually unpaid) than drop down to four days.

Most importantly prioritise some time for you and your mental health.

I thoroughly disliked 1-3yrs old- toddler hell!!! Give me a newborn any day.
I coped by being out- physically wearing them out and limiting the time at home. In the winters lived in soft plays. Enjoyed their naps and out again! It passes.

I don’t think cutting your hours is really the answer. But can you take leave spread out over a few months so you get 2 or 3 days off every months and leave DS in nursery?

Or a whole week and give yourself a holiday and still send DS in each day Ty to nursery.

Or take some parental leave unpaid. The financial hit will only be a one off hit rather than regular.

Things will get better. This is a tricky stage. Just book blocks of time for yourself till you get through it.

And if you have a garden, get a sandpit and sit alongside DS while he plays. Don’t push yourself to do more than you want to.

Your toddler might be reacting to your stress. Cutting down on your hours is a sensible idea. Partners and husbands come and go. Your child is with you for life. Now is the time to build a solid foundation for your relationship. Even if it means you have to make cuts to make ends meet. Write down all your expenditure- then decide what you can economise on. I hope it helps

This was without doubt the worst stage for me with DS1. It was misery. I can tell you with absolute certainty THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

This.

I think his personality just means that this is a really rough stage for you. Can you take some days off during the week every few months as annual leave? Then you don't lose the pay.

If you're really struggling and you have a good employment, can you also pull the odd sick day here or there and just have a massage and then relax at home?

I have an almost 2 year old and while it's been physically tiring for a while I've noticed that he will play on his own now for a few mins (if I'm making tea) and he's less frustrated now he can say a few words - particularly yes and no which seems key in understanding whether he's happy or wants something.
I have a Saturday morning to myself while DH looks after DS and it keeps me sane. DH does golf also at the weekend so he gets some alone time too. Without a partner to help could you get a babysitter one night or reduce your hours even by half a day so that you can do something for yourself once a week. I think that would really help you mentally- I'd go mad with only work and parenting in my life.