I hate my 19 month old

[hadrnnnough]

I don’t get how anyone can enjoy this? I don’t have pnd, I just am totally bloody sick of the screaming and resisting the car seat, the refusal to have a nappy changed, the wailing in the bath, the throwing food, the throwing objects, the pulling and kicking me. Yes he’s cute and yes sometimes it’s lovely but being honest that’s mostly when he’s asleep.

I hate it. I have a massively stressful job and genuinely look forward to Monday. Am I just a terrible mum? Maybe I’m not good at this? I actually thought I would be and sailed through the baby phase. Is this what life is like from now on. Awful.

@iloveallthis i darent use any annual leave as otherwise I don’t have it for when he’s unwell or when the nursery has a shut down (happens for a week twice a year). I just feel totally stuck

And by talk I meant does he say any words (I know 19month olds don’t talk conversationally)

@GardenGnomeDefender i worry about using leave as I need it when he’s unwell or when the nursery shuts for a week twice a year. I feel totally stuck. I could have a sick day but I would worry then about doing that. I basically don’t have a break at all and it was ok until he started these tantrums and I suddenly feel like I can’t do this

Drop a day, take the day off to yourself and make it work. Trust me, some make it work on much less. Don’t kill yourself over the toddler years. I have 2 toddlers and it’s hell. I personally don’t believe anyone enjoys being a parent but hey, at least you know you’re not alone in your thinking! Solidarity

@MaryMaryVeryContrary he says about six words. I tend to know what he wants as his understanding is good but he can’t say a sentence or anything close to that

@FuckTheClubUp i don’t know if they would allow me to go back up to full time though in say, a year? As a single parent I don’t feel I can take the risk and dropping a day would be a loss of a few hundred. I just don’t know what to do and have nobody to discuss it with

Ok so he’s a bit behind (not worryingly so but it’s probably not helping his frustration). I would look into Hanen techniques to support and encourage language and that should lessen the meltdowns.

https://www.hanen.org/Helpful-Info/Articles/How-to-Tell-if-Your-Child-is-a-Late-Talker-%E2%80%93-and-W.aspx

I found under 3 to be utterly fucking horrible to be frank. I don’t think you are alone there, at the time I thought I hated my Dd at one point too (I don’t I really really love her). But the sheer strain of dealing with a “spirited” toddler was just too much (I was a SAHM which was awful because we spent so much time together).

Try to see if one of the nursery staff do babysitting and get yourself a few hours. It will get better but some kids are really difficult and it’s doubly hard when you are doing it yourself. You do need a break though.

It’s a difficult stage and you just sound burnt out to be honest, is there anyway you can give yourself some kid free chill time? Reduce your hours but keep him in full time childcare so you get some time off during the week or arrange any childcare weekends so you get a break?

I remember going through a stage a bit like this when DS1 was around 21 months. He was fascinated by electricity sockets and had just figured out how to pull the safety covers off, so needed literally constantly watching everywhere (‘cos where doesn’t have electricity sockets, right?!). It did pass quite quickly. Hang in there.

Also things like giving choices, speaking really quietly so they have to stop screaming to hear you and getting down at eye level (watch out for errant fists though) to talk to them helps. Also sounds really hard but a decent dose of love bombing, however angry you get try to speak in soothing tones, cuddle and kiss.

No, it definitely does get better, soon. My 2 year old has meltdowns, but they are usually just once a day now - always when we are getting ready to go out for the day. Hates getting dressed, hates having his nappy changed in the morning. I think it gets better once they can communicate better, which will be happening for you soon.

It's a really tricky age and you are dealing with the hardest bits of the day...getting out the house and getting home after a long day. Also if he only has a few words then he is going to be frustrated and tantrum a bit. Not to mention you are doing it all alone so it's no wonder you are finding it a challenge. Not sure if it will help yet but lots of distraction tactics and always give two choices. E.g if you know the car seat is going to be a battle try bringing a choice of treats...if your a good boy and get in the seat if you're a good boy and get in your seat would you like a rice cake or a babybel....appreciate you might not want him eating while you are driving so it might mean sitting and waiting for him to eat the snack. It used to work with my two, they think they are being given a choice but really just being distracted from the thing they don't want to do. My dd was a nightmare and would never put her shoes on but wanted to walk, always screaming and being unreasonable. I used to just walk out the door with the shoes in my hand and wait till she was screaming about walking on the gravelly road surface down our drive then I'd offer shoes or pushchair and she'd have to pick one and suck it up. Toddlers are so irrational and exhausting but I promise they get more likeable. Meanwhile, pour a glass of wine and find some of those videos online of parents and their unreasonable toddlers "she's screaming because....insert ridiculous reason".

It’s exhausting and shit at that age. It does get better.
Could you hire a babysitter for a few hours at the weekend during the day to give you some down time? Yes it will cost money but less than dropping a day at work would cost you.

Don’t worry about this OP. Mine couldn’t speak much at that age and he flourished with words soon after.
What we did is to teach him that words mean you can get what you want. So if he pointed at something to show me he wanted me to pass it to him, I would say “say drink” or whatever and if he just made an effort to say the word somehow I would pass it to him.
He soon learned that talking could get him what he wanted and his vocabulary exploded after that

Have you done the sums on dropping to 0.8? Could you even drop to 0.9 but compress it over 4 days? If it brings you close to 60K I think child benefit would kick back in for you as well? It’s not loads but might offset some of the loss

Or even full time over 9 days (9 day fortnight)? You might find one day off every two weeks is enough to recharge your batteries and no drop in pay

I found that stage to be the worst, too. They're strong and mobile enough to put up a real fight, but completely beyond any rational conversation. My DS turns three in September, and it's already much better. He tests his own linguistic abilities more than my sanity now. And he's able to do things for himself. Like I can ask him to climb into the car seat himself, and he'll do it, happy with the praise (most of the time, I still end up chasing him around the car sometimes). Hang in there, it gets better. They're still really cute when they're sleeping, though.

😬 I appreciate this is coming from a good place but saying to a child 'say...' before giving them something isn't great advice. I also appreciate it may have worked for your child but for a lot of children out there this would make the situation worse by causing frustration. I'm paediatric speech and language therapist with a 3 year old so this is definitely my area of speciality! You are much better following the hanen strategies that a previous poster has sent you a link to.

Don’t reduce your hours, get someone to help you part time when suits, I reckon tantrums will subside too, kids tend to behave better for others than mum, speaking from experience. It will get better x

One year olds are the worst! I hated that stage of parenting. They have no attention span, constantly try to harm themselves and scream so much!
I promise it will get better as he gets older.

Some children are easier than others. It will get better. It can take awhile!

Could you reduce temporarily? For a year ?

@hadrnnnough you could consider dropping just 3-4 hours to give yourself an afternoon off once a week but it’s the same challenge. I understand completely, I have started walking for 20 mins at lunchtime and that feels a bit like a break. But I have to put my phone off and just walk with no music etc because I think the constant ‘on’ mode of work, DS etc is worsened by me being on my phone. I find it all absolutely relentless, you have my full sympathy.

I wouldn’t reduce hours for the reasons you’ve said.
The 4 weeks unpaid parental leave you can take is your friend here as you can take this in week blocks to cover the nursery closure: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement
Using this won’t compromise your hours long term.

knowing you have this can you therefore take some annual leave for yourself

weekends are tough if on your own with little ones but it’s harder to make arrangements with others as you feel like you are intruding on family time. However you’ll probably feel happier if you can get some adult company arranged for things like lunch or day trip to make each weekend less relentless (family, uni friends, work friends?)