I hate my 19 month old

[hadrnnnough]

I don’t get how anyone can enjoy this? I don’t have pnd, I just am totally bloody sick of the screaming and resisting the car seat, the refusal to have a nappy changed, the wailing in the bath, the throwing food, the throwing objects, the pulling and kicking me. Yes he’s cute and yes sometimes it’s lovely but being honest that’s mostly when he’s asleep.

I hate it. I have a massively stressful job and genuinely look forward to Monday. Am I just a terrible mum? Maybe I’m not good at this? I actually thought I would be and sailed through the baby phase. Is this what life is like from now on. Awful.

@Galliano would I get in trouble for taking this just to have a week to myself while he is in nursery? My concern is that I have to keep annual leave free for any days he is randomly unwell etc so booking parental leave for that wouldn’t work if you see what I mean. Thanks for sharing that link

If you can still pay bills then tbh I would drop a day to get some time to yourself. Even doing it for six months might be enough to reset you. We’re at 22 months here and it’s already better than 19 months but this stage is tough. I also massively appreciate nursery days to a guilt-inducing degree, and I don’t know how you’re coping without any downtime just for you.

You can love your child and hate the lifestyle that comes with parenting them at a certain stage

Omg just read you're single too- just like me I also have a toddler. No wonder you're losing your mind. See if work will let you compress your hours to four or four and a half days, if not then just take the day off.

I think if you know there are nursery closure days you should ask for the parental leave to cover those as that’s exactly the sort of thing it’s intended for.
knowing you don’t have to cover those days out of annual leave and thus have to save your annual leave might then empower you to take leave now for yourself and drop DS in nursery during that.

Totally understand! Going from freedom and independence to being responsible for a very demanding little person is a huge life change! I admit, I couldn't wait to get of the house on my own, which was rare. I found it hard, I wasn't the natural Mum I thought I would be and felt so guilty. Completely loved my dc of course, just took me a while to adapt to 24/7 caring and the exhaustion of it all. It will come, meanwhile don't beat yourself up, but yes your baby always come first above everything else and even if you're not feeling it, be the best parent, which you will be but don't see it. Xx

Honestly why don't you take a couple of days off sick next week? It's not unreasonable if you're feeling like this you are unwell. Take a couple of days to relax and recharge.

I also think if you reduce your work hours they have to let you go back full time again? Worth checking employment laws etc but I went down to 3 days then back up to 4 then full time and never had any problems.

Pulling a sick day for a massage sounds a good way to get fired.

Also just to add my work flexible work policy allows a trial period so you could reduce your hours for 6 months for example and if it's not working out go back to full time

Also is your mum around and someone you have a good relationship with? If my DD was in your position I’d be able to picture how tough it was from my own experience of full time work and 3 dc even though not lone parenting and I’d try to be involved as another adult to talk to about decisions, to offer some respite and to spend some time as a bigger family so that you get to spend enjoyable time with DS.

Id agree with doing the sums on reducing your hours. Given higher rate tax bands and child benefits, you might not lose that much by dropping one day.

Toddlers are the worst of humanity. 99% of the time it’s all take and no give, and you can feel downright abused at times. I found 2+ much better.

It's a nightmare stage but there's good too. Problem is if all your seeing and getting is the horrid bits on the weekend you can't see the nice bits that make up for it! Hang in there ,they're nice most of the time around 4 onwards is nice when you can start reasoning with them!

I pulled a sicky and had 3 days off a few weeks ago as I was so so burnt out. Did me the world of good. Sent my toddler into nursery and just chilled and got jobs done I felt like were piling up.

I’ll only repeat what others have said, it does get better. I found that stage particularly challenging. Hang in there!

As well as the parental leave that @Galliano mentioned (which is just for looking after children so you would have to lie if using it for time for yourself) there's new carers' leave which is for more short term/emergency stuff and can include looking after an ill child.

Can you compress hours and get half a day to yourself?

If reducing work isn't a good option, could you hire a sitter to give you a break for 3-4 hours once or twice a week, or even a whole day? You deserve a bit of time to catch your breath. Parenting is tough. My four yr old (who I think has serious adhd,) has ramped up the bad behaviour lately and he's backslid. It's tough for us and we're a two parent home.

I hope it gets better soon for you! The age before they've learned social skills and how to talk is rough.

This might be a bit much, but don't you think it's more that you dislike yourself rather than your DC? I absolutely wasn't a natural born mother and my one and only DC had ASD. Even during their most awful behaviour, it wasn't them I hated, it was me. It is very frustrating to not know what they want, how they are feeling - when so young and not able to communicate.
Don't beat yourself up. This time will pass. The next stage might be better or worse, who knows. You are Mum and you will cope and these feelings will pass.

@ManchesterGirl2 I know it could get you fired in many places. Some places let you take well-being leave and it's the same as sick leave and I just meant if it's the kind of place where you wouldn't get in trouble.

I understand you don't want to make yourself more stressed by causing issues at work.

Have a look at compqnies policy's. You might be able to negotiate a day's unpaid leave for say 6 months without changing contract

You definitely need to cut down your hours, as it sounds like your wage will allow it and your mental health and your little boy really need you to.
You sound at real risk of breakdown and very burnt out.
Being a single parent must be so tough.
You NEED time to yourself...Happy baby and happy mummy and all that.
He will be feeding off you alot at that age, so if you can reduce your stress you will likely see his behaviours become less challenging.

Temporary reduction in contract is worth asking for. If not 4 days per week how about 9 day fortnight?

You have loads of people sympathising and I'm sure it's making it easier to sound off, but if you want a better relationship with your toddler you have to put in a lot of time and energy and play and talk with them a lot. I guess that's pretty hard when you have to work but little ones need a lot of 1 to 1 connections to flourish. I'd concentrate on this is possible. Play and read and talk to them and teach them stuff, visit places and let then have conversations and attention.

How can you hate your child? Some women can't have children and would love to be in your shoes.

This. Use the unpaid leave to cover the two weeks of closure time.

And then take 12 days of your holiday allowance for you. That is one day every month where you do something lovely.