I hate my 19 month old

[hadrnnnough]

I don’t get how anyone can enjoy this? I don’t have pnd, I just am totally bloody sick of the screaming and resisting the car seat, the refusal to have a nappy changed, the wailing in the bath, the throwing food, the throwing objects, the pulling and kicking me. Yes he’s cute and yes sometimes it’s lovely but being honest that’s mostly when he’s asleep.

I hate it. I have a massively stressful job and genuinely look forward to Monday. Am I just a terrible mum? Maybe I’m not good at this? I actually thought I would be and sailed through the baby phase. Is this what life is like from now on. Awful.

You are entitled to 4 weeks unpaid parental leave. Could you take one day a week for 4.5 months. Or even look at compressing your hours to work longer days Mon-Thurs or a 9 day fortnight. Most companies have a flexible work policy.
I agree with everyone this will get better (till he’s a teenager anyway 🤣) try and get some time to yourself. If will make all the difference. The more uptight and frustrated you get the more he will play up. Try and relax about some things. If baths are a fight. Don’t do them every night for now. If he’s happier watching tv while eating then go for it. Don’t make things harder than you need to at the moment. You can bring back standards etc you might have later on.

I had an incredibly stressful job at this stage of my daughter’s life, I didn’t even take her 2nd birthday off work.
Everything was overwhelming, felt like nothing I did was right, couldn’t give 100% to anything, days where I hoped my baby was asleep when I got back because my mind was just overloaded.
It did get better. She’s now a fabulous 11 year old.

You can also ask to change your work to 4.5 days and work eg every other Friday - a tiny reduction in pay but two days for spa days or errands a month

And join gingerbread of a local single mums Facebook group to find another single mum for playdates at the weekend and maybe babysitting

I hated being a mum most days until mine got to 3 then it started getting easier, 4 is pretty decent and 5 is Lovely, now i have lovely conversations with both of mine. YES sometimes there will be tantrums but pick your battles and ensure that you are teaching your child valuable lessons. This time will pass and you will find yourself missing the cute baby that he was but also being grateful that he isnt so " boring" anymore Haha.

YANBU about the stage, it's hard.
But just to say mine got much better and more enjoyable from two onwards, no threenager stuff here (difficult babies though!). Not the case for all, but you might have less tricky time ahead than you think.

Yes! Have a day off (or more) for your own sanity. Don’t worry overly about the money. Obviously you have to bear it in mind, but thinking too far ahead (what if I can’t go back to full-time? etc) is pointless and a waste of mental energy.

Is this what life is like from now on. Awful

A big fat No! It’s a brief developmental stage. It might not seem brief to you now but with each passing week it will be drawing closer to ending. I found it helped to actively try not to let it stress me and almost make jokes about it, eg not going in the car seat is The Ironing Board because they go stiff and straight as a board. I used to remember that and remember all the other parents I’d spoken to who knew exactly what I was talking about. It sounds daft but separating myself with this bit of humour helped me mentally and emotionally.

But, as I said first, you’d be a hell of a lot better off dropping some hours at work.

Lie to who? I thought you just booked it off work, you didn't need to justify to your employer what you were doing with your time off.

This stage is a hard one but you should absolutely be using some of your annual leave for self-care. You’re paying for your nursery place so you should not be afraid of using it while you have some down time. Even when I had one in school and one in nursery, I’d often still send younger one in when I was off with older one in school holidays.

Things will feel relentless for you if you have work plus childcare all the time. If you don’t feel you can use some annual leave I’d seriously consider getting in a student babysitter for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon so you can a few hours of downtime/can pop out without the little one.

20 month LO, has just spent 20 minutes screaming in the corner because I said "it's Sunday mummy would like to watch Gardners world now, I've read to you, you've had breakfast it's mummy time"
Absolutely hysterical. Is now quietly playing with junk mail and a cardboard box. I keep trying to quit smoking but I don't know how anyone copes without the few 4 minute breaks it gives me in the day.
My only hope is that because she started at 19 months she will finish early!
You are not Alone!

Do you have local single mum friends OP? It's incredibly hard solo parenting a toddler, you need adults around you who get it for mutual support. At the moment its like you've got the worst of both worlds - stress exhaustion and guilt from full time work, stress exhaustion and guilt from being alone with a screamy tiny human and not enjoying it. Whatever you're able to do with work hours, I would prioritise trying to find local friends in the same situation (facebook, Gingerbread, Frolo app?) so at weekends you can drink coffee and chat with other mums who really get it. Even if you only get 20 seconds at a time of coffee and chat between breaking up toddler fights and chasing them around the playground. It helps so much

@Letsgotitans the guidance says parental leave is for things connected to the child's welfare and gives various examples. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave. I don't think it's necessarily as simple as just booking the time off as eg. the employer can require it to be postponed.

Also (this goes to @Calamitousness post above) the right for parental leave is only in complete weeks. So as others have said the best solution is probably 1. Use parental leave for known chunky things like annual nursery closure 2. Use carer's leave for eg child illness and 3. Use annual leave for some time for the OP to herself.

Parental leave leave has to be booked in blocks of one week so you can’t do the one day a week thing this way.

https://www.acas.org.uk/parental-leave#:~:text=Each%20parent%20can%20take%20up,a%20year%20for%20each%20child

Agree about a routine helping but make it a very gentle one,so low demand on yourself and on him. Get outdoors as much as you can. Don't worry about mess or his clothes or him getting dirty. Dress him in things you don't care about and buy second hand so they can be mucked up. Don't worry if you put the tv on to get a moment to yourself. Don't stress if he doesn't eat what you make him. Just put it there, give him a set time and then take away. The point is you offered it. If he doesn't like something, ask is it absolutely necessary and if not, leave it out. eg, hates baths - would he like on with you? Or a shower instead? or just a bowl of water in the bath tub with toys to splash about with and you can surreptitiously wash bits of him with a sponge! Try and get rid of your points of conflict where at all possible and don't get physical eg. forcing him to do something. Walk away if he's safe, breath, wait for tantrum to die down, come back and distract. I heard asking questions is a good way to get them out of a tantrum.

@mrsmalcolmreynolds I have taken PL in days not weeks. I have also granted staff PL in days not weeks. It’s up to your manager. It’s often better for service to be done in days.

@MMadeofCheeese I mean most people with a 20 month old don't get to just sit and watch Gardener's World. Just parent your child maybe?

@Calamitousness I understand all that, my point is simply that there's no right for people to have isolated days of parental leave - as you say that's at the employer's discretion. So unless the OP's employer is clear that it would permit this, best not to count on it other than for periods of at least a week.

Do remember though that once they are in school you will have lower childcare bills. Maybe you would be happy to remain at 4 days.