Women and looking after your PIL - AIBU?

[AboutTimeTwo]

Just interested in what other people do WRT their elderly PIL care?

My DH works very long hours, and doesn’t have much time to himself. His DSis is married, but never had DC and has a FT job with long hours too.

PIL seem to be going downhill, and I think one has some cognitive decline. I am pretty sure that in a couple of years they are going to both need some help.

My SIL has already said that she is not compromising her lifestyle to look after them, despite being on the receiving end of some very serious help over the years. My DH has also said that he can’t look after them as he works all the time.

So, that leaves me right? There is no one else.

I work p/t and my youngest of 3 is just about to go to Uni. I have spent a good 2+ decades child rearing. I may even be a granny in the next 5 years, which would be lovely. I have never had a seconds help from my PIL and so I don’t feel that I owe them anything.

We haven’t got into debate over it yet, but I know that the second my PIL need help, both my DH and his DSis are going to think that I am free, and therefore I should be doing it. How I feel about this is that I have spent the past 2 decades child rearing, and I am not jumping straight into a carer role, plus I have my own parents to think of. I’ve thought about going FT if and when this happens, but then think why should I? I work 3.5 days a week and I do all the household stuff.

I’d like to have my position straight and be able to say no with confidence, so looking to be ahead of the game and ask what others think and how you would stand up for yourself? Oh, and AIBU to not want this responsibility?

Good on you for thinking ahead. My bro does nothing still after parents decline but I'm fortunate as my DH really stepped up. Whilst you care about your PIL it's not your job, they have children so it's down to them. I'd also advise getting a LPA now if they haven't as without that should decline be sudden it's way way more complicated. Good luck and stay strong.

🤣🤣🤣 I've screenshot this for future reference

PILs live abroad and would not be able to get a visa to move here. So thankfully they have no expectations of being looked after by me or DH, and they've saved a decent amount to pay for their own care in their home country.

I would not make any offers to help, and I would keep my free time structured so that I wouldn't be available at the drop of a hat to help out. Just because you are not working certain days it doesn't mean your time belongs to anyone else.

Set out your stall now before any help is required. Make it clear to DH that it won't be falling to you to be a carer and you're telling him now so he's time to mull over other solutions for when the time comes. Upfront and honest and nip it in the bud.

Yanbu
Why would you get involved? Not your parents. It's the responsibility of their children.