Looking after neighbours cat

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

My neighbours are retired and have a cat which they asked if I would feed when they go away. It works for me as I also have a couple of cats which they feed when I'm away.

When my neighbour first approached me I didn't realise quite what I signed myself up for though. I thought it was just the odd holiday here and there, but they go away a lot!

I'm a solo parent of a young child, I work full time from home and generally very busy. It's just another thing I have to remember to do 😛

I agreed around Christmas time to look after their cat for a week, and my daughter came down with a horrendous sick bug the night before I was due to look after the cat. When my neighbour arrived with the key, I explained the situation and asked if she would see if another neighbour could look after their cat as I couldn't leave my daughter alone.

Plus I was concerned I would get the bug. She was throwing up every 5 minutes it was gross! My neighbour seemed annoyed that I couldn't look after their cat and asked if I could speak to my neighbours to ask if they would feed their cat for them. I said I couldnt leave my daughter alone. Honestly by that stage it started really annoying me.

There are lots of families around me, all with a mum and dad. Out of everyone in my street I'm the one who is most stretched with life. None of the mums work, just me.

I've been tasked with feeding the cat for a week now. But last week my elderly dad with Alzheimer's was admitted into hospital with a really bad chest infections. At times it was touch and go with him. I was busy looking after my mum and visiting him in hospital, plus looking after my daughter and working full time! I explained to the cat people that I would fed their cat but they need a back up neighbour just in case anything happened to my dad.

They are retired and have a holiday home, they go away a fair bit and I'm struggling with the commitment of feeding their cat so regularly. But I don't know how to say it without being rude. I don't mind doing it occasionally but not to this extent.

Any idea how not to say something without being rude?

I think you can just say that you are finding it too much and can’t do it anymore. You don’t need to apologise. Be prepared for them to take umbrage and you just have to try not to care. This is the kind of thing that would happen to me too and we just have to care less what people think. Take care of yourself and your family.

I don't mind doing it a few times a year, but not to this extent. Because it helps me out on the occasion I go away too. I literally go away for one weekend and then a summer holiday for a week. They go away a lot more because of their stage of life.

They can pay a cat sitter to feed their cat. I do that. It will be more reliable for them than relying on you. You need to start saying no to them, they are being really entitled and cheeky to expect this so much from you.

Just say no sorry my parents might need me to go to see them. Have a nice holiday.

They used to put their cat into a cattery before they approached me. But obviously I'm saving them money which works for them!

I don't understand why they don't distribute it around other neighbours instead of coming to me all the time. They can see how busy I am. I literally have no time to myself.

I don't think you should have agreed to look after the cat in the first place, to be honest - it sounds like you have too much going on to be reliable.

Just say you don't have the time and maybe give them the details of the local cat sitter.

Presumably it's because you have cats too? You said they also after yours when you're away.

Explain life circumstances have changed and you can no longer help. Then give them some details of local sitters and wish them well.

They are looking after my cats in August. And I feel I've sort of earned that right by now. Otherwise I'd have to pay for someone to feed my cats.

I just don't want to do it so regularly. They've now booked me in for 2 weeks to feed their cat a day before I go on holiday myself. I will be looking after child at home in that time and my parents dog!

Then you need to find a sitter for yourself and stop with them. I agree they can return the favour. But its causing you stress and work you don't need. Give them details of a sitter and use one yourself

If you don't want to do it then thats fine but how much time does it take realistically? Even with litter trays you could be in and out in 10 minutes

Just say if it’s too much. What does it involve, popping round twice a day to feed? Cleaning litter?

It's just feeding and changing the water. It takes 5 minutes. But if you factor in emergency trips to hospital or situations like I had with sick child. Then it can easily get forgotten!

Yesterday I had to drop work and collect my mum from the GP and drive her to A&E as she has the same chest infection. They collect her dad and someone remember to collect my child from school!

I understand that the commitment sounds unbalanced. However there was an occasion where you said you couldn't do it the day before they were due to go away, and you're surprised they seemed annoyed? I'd have been annoyed too.

Sorry I meant to say I had to pick up her dog and then remember to collect my daughter from school as well.

It was because my daughter was throwing up and I was concerned id get the bug as well and not be able to fulfill the arrangement. It's not like a cold!

But why did you agree to it all knowing you're a single parent working full-time and with elderly parents?

If it can easily get forgotten on your part they need to pay for a reliable service. It seems that you have too much on to do this.

I thought it would be the odd occasion like the average person goes away a few times a year. I didn't realise the extent of how much they go away when agreeing to it. If I had known I would have said no.

I do understand why, but in their shoes I would be disconcerted by someone cancelling an agreed arrangement at the last minute. As I said, they need to make professional, reliable arrangements and pay accordingly.

You have said multiple times you can't do it. So tell them you can't do it. I'm not sure what else you want us to suggest?

"
I've been tasked with feeding the cat for a week now"

You have not been "tasked". You have agreed to do it.

You have a tongue in your head -tell the neighbours you can't do it any longer for family reasons. End of. No drama needed.

Maybe she thought it was a one off and didn't realise they'd keep asking every other week.

In which case the neighbours need to be told their requests are too frequent and can't be accommodated.