Looking after neighbours cat

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

My neighbours are retired and have a cat which they asked if I would feed when they go away. It works for me as I also have a couple of cats which they feed when I'm away.

When my neighbour first approached me I didn't realise quite what I signed myself up for though. I thought it was just the odd holiday here and there, but they go away a lot!

I'm a solo parent of a young child, I work full time from home and generally very busy. It's just another thing I have to remember to do 😛

I agreed around Christmas time to look after their cat for a week, and my daughter came down with a horrendous sick bug the night before I was due to look after the cat. When my neighbour arrived with the key, I explained the situation and asked if she would see if another neighbour could look after their cat as I couldn't leave my daughter alone.

Plus I was concerned I would get the bug. She was throwing up every 5 minutes it was gross! My neighbour seemed annoyed that I couldn't look after their cat and asked if I could speak to my neighbours to ask if they would feed their cat for them. I said I couldnt leave my daughter alone. Honestly by that stage it started really annoying me.

There are lots of families around me, all with a mum and dad. Out of everyone in my street I'm the one who is most stretched with life. None of the mums work, just me.

I've been tasked with feeding the cat for a week now. But last week my elderly dad with Alzheimer's was admitted into hospital with a really bad chest infections. At times it was touch and go with him. I was busy looking after my mum and visiting him in hospital, plus looking after my daughter and working full time! I explained to the cat people that I would fed their cat but they need a back up neighbour just in case anything happened to my dad.

They are retired and have a holiday home, they go away a fair bit and I'm struggling with the commitment of feeding their cat so regularly. But I don't know how to say it without being rude. I don't mind doing it occasionally but not to this extent.

Any idea how not to say something without being rude?

Do you like them as people? Would they babysit occasionally to let you go for a swim or the cinema?

They are really sweet. But I wouldn't leave my daughter with them. I don't really know them well enough to do that!

It's just really a case of them not understanding or picking up on hints that it's too much for me. And I'm trying to be nice and neighbourly, by helping. It's my fault, I'm literally trying to be all things for everyone and have nothing in the tank left for me. I'm beyond shattered 😢

But what happened has made me realise I can't do it anymore. Certainly not at the moment and I'll make that clear, because I don't think they are capable of realising the stress I'm under. They are just in holiday mode all the time.

OP, they are CF,'s who have zero interest in just how overloaded you are.

It is experiences like this, when you do something nice but find the person is actually a CF, that puts people off doing anything for anyone.

I get the rage when people are pushy.
You need to be firm an no nonsense with them.
They are behaving poorly.

What's a CF? My post is what's keeping me going at the moment 🥴 How bad is that x

A Cheeky fxxker!

It's fair enough to say "this arrangement is not working for me any more, I find it too difficult to fit in" etc.

But obviously you can't then expect them to do your cat feeding either.

IMO the most sensible thing would be to do the two weeks you have agreed to in August, let them feed yours for the week you are away (I imagine you might both struggle to find a cat feeder now for that busy time of year) but then not ask - or agree - again.

Sarah, I was thinking the same thing. So I'll do that.

It wouldn't surprise me if they approached me before then just to sneak in a weekend or something even before they go away. I think I'll say no then!

Because clearly you are the mug who does it no matter what. Your dd was really sick, your dad again is really sick and you say you were 'tasked'.
No one tasked you, or forced you. You chose to do it. Stop doing it, they clearly dump this on you because they know they can.

The poor cat is sh*ing everywhere. It's an indoor cat and used a cat litter tray, but it's clearly full and now weeing and pooing all over the place. I feel so sorry for it as it must be lonely to be left alone for so long. I don't empty the tray as that's not part of the agreement or something I'd want to do 🥴

My cats are outdoor cats, theirs is grossly over weight! In August I'm looking after the cat for two week, that's a long time to use a dirty tray for and to be left alone for so long!

I'm sorry - you're looking after a cat and not cleaning out its' litter tray, and letting it shit all over the floor as a result?

Am I reading that right?

Whether it's part of an agreement or not, whether you want to do it or not - letting an animal live in those conditions is disgusting.

That poor animal. I hope the owners give you both bloody barrels.

Im literally just feeding the cat that's it. I have never been asked to clean the litter tray and have no litter to fill it up with!! They always just leave it until they get back.

I'm going to have a word with them when they get back because it's too long to leave the cat without a clean tray. It's fully their responsibility not mine.

Surely part of caring for a cat is also making sure it has a clean place to go to the toilet? I'd be incredibly surprised if they didn't expect you to empty the litter tray - if the cat is indoors where else is it supposed to go to the toilet?

I would bet there's a bag of litter in a cupboard somewhere. But if not, the least you can do is scoop up the poo - for the cats' sake if nothing else?

I've scooped the poo up and throw it away.

But no they have never asked me to change the litter tray over the whole time I've looked after the cat in the past. They

Just literally feed and water that's all. If they would have asked me to change the litter tray over I would have said no from the start.

Is it once or twice a day you’re going over there?

When I’ve cat-sat it’s been twice a day. Dry food and a sachet in the morning. Then another sachet in the evening. But it’s just been a few times a year.

Maybe they didn't ask because they assumed you'd do it as standard, though I guess if they've never complained before now they might not be bothered.

Honestly I just feel sorry for the cat.

No they never asked, they were thorough with what I needed to do and never once asked me to change the litter over.

They didn't ask my neighbour to do it either when they had to cover to me.

I go in twice a day to feed the cat and have to help them out a lot.

I think it's easy to have a go at me, but I don't have time to change a tray over every few days and they know that which is why they haven't asked.

The cat is their responsibility, it's over weight and left home on its own for a week at a time . In August it'll be two week. It's terrible.

I mean, I just think it's basic animal care to provide them with somewhere safe and clean to go to the toilet - I wouldn't even expect to have to ask.

Tbh it's starting to sound like you're pissed off that they keep asking you to watch the cat and now you just can't be arsed with it anymore:

No you're right, I don't want to help to this level. For me, it was just supposed to be feeding and giving water that's it for short holidays here and there.

I think what they initially wanted was for me and my daughter to spend lots of time playing with the cat as it's indoors all the time. But I don't have time! They are nuts to think I can fit that in, especially having to do it so often.

There’s no such thing as an “indoor cat”, there are only outdoor cats which are being held prisoner by humans.

But that’s a whole other debate….

I did say earlier that there was more to looking after the cat than just feeding! I just couldn’t leave those litter trays, it’s filthy and horrible and cruel to the cat. People going on holiday should be prepared to pay out for a good cattery.

That’s disgusting. It’s cruelty.

Time to make different arrangements for your own cat in August, perhaps? I can see this ending badly.

So far I've done just over 3 weeks of cover, 5 in August. I'm not sure why I should have to pay for a cattery for the 1 week I'm away! I'm keeping the arrangement until I go away.

But I'm going to insist they get someone to clean the tray over in August (not me) they have family in the area so they can ask them to do it.

Then I'm going to be clear going forward that I'll only do it a few times a year, and that I won't clean the tray out if they go away for longer periods of time. I don't want to have to pick up poo off carpets right now, it's 🤢

I wouldn’t wait till August as they’ll likely go away multiple times before then, and I think paying what it costs will be worth it compared to the time and stress it’s causing you having to feed their cat.

Book a pet sitter - we have one come around every day when we’re away - let them know and then give them the details.

I also think it’s a better idea because pet sitters are insured in case anything goes wrong, and also if the cats were to become unwell they are happy to take them to the vet and sort treatment etc - this has happened when we’ve been away before. Our cats hated the cattery and we haven’t looked back since using a pet sitter.