Looking after neighbours cat

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

My neighbours are retired and have a cat which they asked if I would feed when they go away. It works for me as I also have a couple of cats which they feed when I'm away.

When my neighbour first approached me I didn't realise quite what I signed myself up for though. I thought it was just the odd holiday here and there, but they go away a lot!

I'm a solo parent of a young child, I work full time from home and generally very busy. It's just another thing I have to remember to do 😛

I agreed around Christmas time to look after their cat for a week, and my daughter came down with a horrendous sick bug the night before I was due to look after the cat. When my neighbour arrived with the key, I explained the situation and asked if she would see if another neighbour could look after their cat as I couldn't leave my daughter alone.

Plus I was concerned I would get the bug. She was throwing up every 5 minutes it was gross! My neighbour seemed annoyed that I couldn't look after their cat and asked if I could speak to my neighbours to ask if they would feed their cat for them. I said I couldnt leave my daughter alone. Honestly by that stage it started really annoying me.

There are lots of families around me, all with a mum and dad. Out of everyone in my street I'm the one who is most stretched with life. None of the mums work, just me.

I've been tasked with feeding the cat for a week now. But last week my elderly dad with Alzheimer's was admitted into hospital with a really bad chest infections. At times it was touch and go with him. I was busy looking after my mum and visiting him in hospital, plus looking after my daughter and working full time! I explained to the cat people that I would fed their cat but they need a back up neighbour just in case anything happened to my dad.

They are retired and have a holiday home, they go away a fair bit and I'm struggling with the commitment of feeding their cat so regularly. But I don't know how to say it without being rude. I don't mind doing it occasionally but not to this extent.

Any idea how not to say something without being rude?

If it’s a 5 minute job then I’d just keep doing it especially seeing as they do yours .

Also, if they ask prior to August just say you are actually away that week too. Sorry you can't. Cut the convo short.

No, I do understand all that and I get it's absolutely shit, I really do.

But from their viewpoint, they asked you to look after their cats, you agreed, and now every time they come to give you a key, there's some kind of issue that means you can't or don't want to do it anymore.

You need to stop agreeing to do it - it's clearly too much for you and you're not really getting anything out of it. Arrange for a cat-sitter for your August holiday and when they get back, just tell them you won't be able to look after their cats anymore.

Just say you can't op and sort out your own arrangements for your cat.

For all those sating it's only five minutes, it isn't. You also have to schlep your child(ren) with you, keep an eye on them when there, lock yours, lock theirs and if the cat's gets ill you'll be lumbered with vet visits too.

I sympathise. When mine were littlest (and I wasn't working) a neighbour asked me to water her window boxes, tiny bed at the front. It was an absolute Ball ache when the littlest were fractious and tired. Never again.

I had too much to remember and I'm getting annoyed by it all tbh.

I am going to wait until August because I want them to feed my cats and I think that's fair enough on my side. But after that if they ask again then I'll say no and say I'm happy to do it a couple of times a year max. If they don't like it they that's their problem.

They are retired, their lives are now about dog walks, socialising and holidays which is fab for them! But mine is the complete opposite 🤣

How is it missing the point to say that you need to assert your boundaries? The reasons for not being able to do it don't need to be communicated to your neighbours at all. You're not in a position to continue with the arrangement and that's that.

And your relative lifestyle and commitment is irrelevant too.

when they come back I'm going to say that I'm fine looking after their cat a couple of times a year, but anymore they will have to find a cat sitter. I think this is more than fair enough

That sounds perfect OP, but do remember it's not really their place to judge if you've got "too much on your plate" or not; that's for you to decide before saying yes in the first place, though I do agree they were hoping for a lot

”I can’t look after your cat anymore, I’ve got too many other commitments”. You don’t need to offer any further explanation. Keep it short and sweet.

If you were the op would you say this and still expect them to look after your cats in August? That's school holidays when anywhere/anyone half decent will already be booked.

Find a good cattery, and save yourself all the stress. The cat needs more than just feeding, so will be happier there. It’s worth the money.

Oh OP I had almost exactly the same!
I ended up caring for & cleaning up after an elderly pet for weeks at a time. It added loads onto my morning routine & retired neighbour just laughed when I told her!
Obviously I got fed up but the last straw was one new year when I was presented with an impressive calendar with all their holidays booked out so I could organise my own calendar. This included 2 three week cruises at my busiest times of year.
I said I couldn't commit to it anymore, she wasn't happy at all & barely speaks to me now! But shed soon roped another neighbour in to do it, what a CF.

Definitely say you can't do it after August, they can make other arrangements.

I would wait until they’ve covered your holiday then stop doing it altogether.
Don’t expect gratitude for what you’ve done so far and don’t worry if they’re no longer friendly.

If it's too much trouble for you and it clearly is then say you cannot do it anymore. But don't ask them to look after your cat when you are away if you are not willing to reciprocate.

Also don't leave it until they are just about to go away to say you won't do it. It's almost impossible to get a pet into a cattery last minute or line up other neighbours.

Make it clear now so that they know you are not able and/or willing and they can make other arrangements.

I think it makes more sense to say something after my August holiday, I've done almost three week of cover this year for them so far so I feel I'm bloody well owed it! Why should I pay for a cattery in the one week I have booked this year. I'm also stupidity committed to almost two week of cover in August just before our holiday. So I need to do that.

Then when they approach me again, which they will I'll say no that I only want to commit to it a couple of times a year. And leave it at that.

Depends on the people but if I’d cat sat multiple times and they never had for me then yes I’d expect even if I couldn’t do it moving forwards they’d do it as a one off.

I think my issue is that if you retire and decide to have pets, then they are your responsibility. If you decide to have a holiday home and go away a lot then don't make it other people's problem. Simply don't have pets. Or just stick with a pet you can take with you. I can't help but feel it's very selfish behaviour.

Not sure if it's been mentioned but we have a neighbourhood WhatsApp group and people put things like this asking for help from the street residents. Don't know if it's worth suggesting/setting up? Obvs they don't want any old person to have access to their house so I guess it depends how well everyone knows each other

They just want me feeding their cat because I have cats myself. Which I understand. But I can't do it to the extent they need. I honestly had no idea what I was committing myself to when they approached me. I thought it was just the odd holiday 🥴

But anyway I've learnt my lesson and next time will be more careful what I commit too!

They asked for a favour that's all. It's very common practice among friendly neighbours.

She didn't and still doesn't have to say yes. It's the saying yes and then trying to back out at the very last minute that is not very neighbourly.

Whether they are retired or not is irrelevant.

Does it involve you cleaning litter trays, letting the cat in and out of their house in the day and back in for the night etc, as that sounds like a lot of hassle?

Looking after a cat involves much more than just feeding it, surely!

No it's just feeding the cat, but it's an additional thing I don't have time to do right now.

And btw, when they approached me a week or two before they went away (just before my daughter had a sick bug). I explained the timing wasn't that great, and they were quite sort of pushy with me saying they'd put a timer or something down for the cat and if I could just fill it up every few days. They don't seem to pick up hints that it's too much for me. All they want is to go away and don't seem to be that bothered that it's impacts other peoples lives. I don't call that being neighbourly.

Just tell them the truth, that you thought originally it was going to be a good reciprocal agreement where they looked after yours and you looked after theirs a couple of times a year. But with everything else in your life you have too much on to do it on a regular basis.

They shouldn't really have a cat if they go away so much. You worry about being rude, but they are being rude expecting you to run around like crazy doing all the other stuff in your life and looking after their cat for free as well.

If they don't like it then tough. A lot of people are greedy and entitled and need to be called out on it. Otherwise they just take and take and take until you have nothing left.

Gas panic thanks 🙏 this is my thoughts precisely.

Anyone saying it's just feeding a cat. But my mind is elsewhere right now. I went to hospital today to see my dad and had to him his lunch because he is too frail to eat. He isn't really getting any better. I have to hold it together for my mum and look after my child who I need to remember to give her antibiotics too as well. Then throw into the mix feeding another cat as well is too much. I'm not a machine.