Looking after neighbours cat

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

My neighbours are retired and have a cat which they asked if I would feed when they go away. It works for me as I also have a couple of cats which they feed when I'm away.

When my neighbour first approached me I didn't realise quite what I signed myself up for though. I thought it was just the odd holiday here and there, but they go away a lot!

I'm a solo parent of a young child, I work full time from home and generally very busy. It's just another thing I have to remember to do 😛

I agreed around Christmas time to look after their cat for a week, and my daughter came down with a horrendous sick bug the night before I was due to look after the cat. When my neighbour arrived with the key, I explained the situation and asked if she would see if another neighbour could look after their cat as I couldn't leave my daughter alone.

Plus I was concerned I would get the bug. She was throwing up every 5 minutes it was gross! My neighbour seemed annoyed that I couldn't look after their cat and asked if I could speak to my neighbours to ask if they would feed their cat for them. I said I couldnt leave my daughter alone. Honestly by that stage it started really annoying me.

There are lots of families around me, all with a mum and dad. Out of everyone in my street I'm the one who is most stretched with life. None of the mums work, just me.

I've been tasked with feeding the cat for a week now. But last week my elderly dad with Alzheimer's was admitted into hospital with a really bad chest infections. At times it was touch and go with him. I was busy looking after my mum and visiting him in hospital, plus looking after my daughter and working full time! I explained to the cat people that I would fed their cat but they need a back up neighbour just in case anything happened to my dad.

They are retired and have a holiday home, they go away a fair bit and I'm struggling with the commitment of feeding their cat so regularly. But I don't know how to say it without being rude. I don't mind doing it occasionally but not to this extent.

Any idea how not to say something without being rude?

Maybe, but that's when you need to start saying no, not just agreeing when you don't actually want to keep doing it (and can't really do it, from her updates).

I appreciate that you hadn’t anticipated how often it might be, but as a cat owner yourself can’t you see why they might be a bit annoyed to learn the day before they were going away that you didn’t want to do it ? If you want them to do the same for you in august you’re just going to have to carry on with the arrangement for now , or you could cancel the agreement right now if it’s too much for you , but find an alternative solution for your own holiday.

They are CF's who think you are a mug.
This is not a reciprocal arrangement if you need them to do 2 weeks a year for you, and you do 12 weeks for them.
Spell it out to them, a time for time arrangement is all that will suit you.
They are taking the piss.

You sound like a bit of a drama llama … it’s feeding a cat - takes a matter of minutes .
But you know that as you have your own cats .

But if you don’t want to do it anymore then that is your right and just tell them so - no massive overthinking required .

When they return, go round to discuss it with them and turn on the waterworks.

I don't recommend this for those who just want to manipulate people and get their own way, but in this instance it might illicit sympathy in them and help them realise they're asking too much.

See, I just think this is really unpleasant.

OP is a grown adult and can just say "no". No need to play stupid games and try and guilt trip people.

I have your situation, but with chickens(!) I agreed to look after them for our next door neighbour for a week when they first moved in, without realising they'd be going away every other week for anywhere between 3-7 days at a time. The poor things aren't kept in very nice conditions I've realised so it's a time and an ethical problem for me. If I don't look after them the pattern seems to be they don't ask anyone else to and just leave them for 3 days. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not sure what to suggest OP, the ideal would be to be open and honest with her and say you can't commit to looking after the cat so frequently?

Behave, it takes 5 minutes to nip in and feed a cat. If you can’t be arsed to do it just tell them. But don’t expect them to feed your cats anymore either.

Yeah, you're right.

Personally I'd just explain to them, but some people are simply incapable of it.

I would just say to them I don’t mind feeding your cat xx times a year as you have very kindly looked after my cat xx times a year but for the other occasions you will need to find someone else - end of conversation

Could you suggest they buy an automatic cat feeder which you fill up, but it's fewer trips? Or could you feed the cat at yours? This is what my neighbours do with our wandering moggy.

I take your point re others being available but they probably just want one person in their house rather than a stream of them, and as someone who wants cat sitting in return I can see why it looks logical to them to keep asking you (but also why it's not fair on you because it's not equal.)

I think it's worth sitting them down and explaining it's just too much and when you have a sick small child etc you can't just leave them so you're never going to be as reliable as a couple or older person. You might want to wait until after August though! You need to weigh up if it's worth the candle.

Because you have cats yourself and you could reciprocate? It would be fine now to say actually, you hadn’t realised how often it would be and you can no longer do this, however, if I’d brought the key round to you thinking it was all sorted I’d have been quite miffed !

I don't think feeding the neighbours' cat is actually the issue here. You're trying to be all things to all people all at the same time. As a single parent working full time feeding their cat would take a few minutes, but it's clearly the straw that's breaking the camel's back. I get you want to help your parents, but you're at risk of burn out through exhaustion. Are there things you do you could cut back on to give yourself time to breathe?

Say you can't manage it, and won't be doing it anymore unless they pay you the same rate as a catsitter.

Just say 'i'm sorry but I can no longer look after your car. I have also booked a cat sitter for my own holiday'

So tell the truth and say so nicely

Frankly it sounds as if you've got too much on to have agreed looking after them at all, and PP's suggestions of offering a local cat sitters details are good.
Do be aware that you'll probably lose the cat care they do for you though, and that you'll have to make other arrangements

I agree. She can just tell them she isn't able to continue with the arrangement. She doesn't need to give a reason.

When I first agreed to look after their cat, the next day they brought round a list of different dates they wanted me to look after their cat. No word of a lie, I was shocked but didn't want to let them down and said yes!

But when they come back I'm going to say that I'm fine looking after their cat a couple of times a year, but anymore they will have to find a cat sitter. I think this is more than fair enough.

I forgot to add into the mix, when thy dropped the key off this week my daughter was home with a chest infection as well. Instead of them saying you've got too much on your plate they still handed the key over instead of asking someone else!

Just tell the truth, it is too much and they can find someone else for next time.

They could also get a timed feeder than would feed the cat for several days at a time so you could reduce how often you have to go in if that would make it more manageable.

The next day when they brought the list round was really the time to say that didn't work for you.

Now you can make that clear. You don't need to justify it, apologise or explain.

You might feel like you have too much on your plate but honestly, 5 mins a couple of times a day is hardly a big deal! If you think you'll forget, stick a post it note somewhere you can't miss. Or set an alarm on your phone.

I forgot to add into the mix, when thy dropped the key off this week my daughter was home with a chest infection as well. Instead of them saying you've got too much on your plate they still handed the key over instead of asking someone else!

But it's not their fault you agreed to all these dates or that your daughter has a chest infection. They only asked, you didn't have to say yes.

You should have said no from the beginning - you can't expect them to change their plans last minute because of your personal situation

Honestly OP there is no point in moaning on here about it.

Tell them no and pay someone to look after your cat when you're away.

You can of course see through thr August arrangement and when you get back say thank you with a bottle of wine or box of chocolates then next time they ask just saybyou candy and give them althe name of a cat sitter. Don't ask them for favours again

That's meant to say next time they ask, say you can't and give them the name of a cat sitter.

Fields of butterflies I think you're missing the point here. My daughter is off school with an infection. Both my parents are ill and one of as critical this week in hospital He is 84.

Anyway I'm going to wait until after August and then put a stop to it.