Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

She needs to go. This isn’t a naive teenage babysitter sneaking her boyfriend in while the kids are in bed, she is a childcare professional and who knows that this is totally unacceptable. Who knows how many times he has been left alone with your dc that you aren’t aware of.

Don't text her on her time off. Speak to her during her working hours. He is a random man to you but not to her. Have a proper conversation and if you still think it's necessary to give her a formal written warning you can do so. I think if you tackle it by text you are going to lose her anyway.

She's been with you a long time. Think carefully before throwing it away as the next nanny will be as much of a stranger as the boyfriend is. Clear conversations and boundaries could save you a lot of problems.

I think the way treat the boyfriend is weird. I expect people around you who know your reason for not letting him near the kids on his own find that strange. Additionally, you run the risk of starting a rumour mill by bringing the topic of a DBS check to the table. If I was him I’d be off as soon as I could find somewhere different to live. People don’t generally ask boyfriends to get DBS checks any more than they would a teenage babysitter

I'm just wondering if this needs reporting as a safeguarding concern.
As in, could this reflect badly on you if it transpires something has happened to your DC and it was never reported?
Does DC seem ok in themselves? Have you checked for bruising. 😢.

Why would you assume that the BF would harm a baby? Hideous things go on in families, people in positions of power do hideous things, women working in nurseries abuse babies.

Its complex.

Letting him stay in the garden in a caravan was always going to lead to him coming in the house and being around your kids! You let this happen and so I don’t see it as a big deal really! He’s either allowed to be around or he isn’t.

If any other employed childcare worker had done this, they would immediately be suspended whilst an investigation took place that would almost certainly lead to their dismissal.

I’m genuinely astounded that some posters can’t see what a massive issue this is. Safeguarding is an absolute foundation stone of working with children and this nanny has broken safeguarding in one of the most serious ways imaginable.

As for the ‘it’s only five minutes’ comment from pp, honestly, my head is in my hands at this comment. That’s long enough to abuse a baby, record it, and post it online.

For me it's not a matter of thinking he's a paedophile. It's a matter of her not doing her job. She's meant to be looking after the baby not socialising with her boyfriend. She shouldn't even thought of expecting you to put up the boyfriend when he was homeless. Why does that become your problem? I don't think she was doing her job and she was running late and that's why she went in the car. For that reason I'd get rid of her.

I think it was naive of all involved to believe that he would not come into the house, especially when she's there on her own. I'm not saying they'd be getting up to anything together, but it's also really unlikely that he's going to sit in a caravan in the garden and she's going to stay in the house. They're going to be together. They're going to talk to each other. He's going to have direct contact with your children.

It really is not your responsibility to provide him with accomodation.

I think your text is good. She has been with you a long time and you've no complaints with her work. Your children know and trust her. She's been with you so long that she, and you,have become accustomed to each other and are clearly comfortable in each others company. This allowed her to ask the very unusual request of allowing her BF to move into your property. I hope at the very least has been paying rent. This was an error in judgement on everyone's part. It's a situation that should never have developed but it did and all you can all do now is move on with firmer boundaries in place.

He needs to move out now

Childcare professionals/ organizations always assume people may abuse children. All of their policies and procedures reflect this. It’s why nappies are always changed where other workers can see you, for example. It’s why volunteers with the scouts must never be alone with a child. Paedophiles are attracted to places where children are, they are not randomly distributed in the population.

me too, this is akin to the posters over on Gransnet, who are completely oblivious,
the naivity is off the scale, often begin responses with “couldn’t you just …?”

Unfortunately boundaries have become blurred and you have been rather too kind. She was good... but now she isn't and this is a major safeguarding fail. Imagine if this had happened in a nursery setting? It just wouldn't. I don't see how you can continue with her after this as you must be constantly questioning her judgement.

I had a similar situation by the way when a nanny left our baby with a painter and decorater who was working on our house... we came in to the poor man putting a bottle together....

I work in safeguarding. Why would you assume that he wouldn't harm the baby? OP seems to know little about him, he is invading her house without her presence or permission, he claims to be homeless, he was been left alone with a 9 month old baby without the OP's knowledge and his girlfriend is very unprofessional and possibly very naive.
This is a huge safeguarding concern. And how many times has it happened?

This. Thank god that other people can see what I can see.

OP - this is a sackable offense - if I was the nanny I would know I was risking the sack for leaving bf in your house with a nine month old baby, in fact I would expect it.
Yes contact the agency for advice and your solicitor.
You may find that afterthis weekend their bonds are stronger than yours with her and they may well be leaving together.

I have changed my mind after thinking about it some more and listening to other PPs. It's too catastrophic an error of judgement and shows no understanding of safeguarding. Think I'd have to sack her.

I'm a nanny and would expect to be sacked if I did something like this, not that I ever would.

Have you heard from her while she's been away? Did she apologise, genuinely?
Speak to her face to face rather than in a text. The first thing to ask her is what would she have done with your toddler if the BF wasn't there? Leave them alone because it was just 5 minutes to collect your son? No, I bet she wouldn't have dreamt of that. She's not done her job, she's breached your trust and I don't think that can be repaired. You have been kind enough to let her BF have somewhere to live for 2 weeks which they should be very grateful for, instead she's taken a liberty with your kindness and put your child at risk whatever anyone else thinks.
Speak to her on her return, both of you together, and issue her with the final warning. You should text her to say in light of events her boyfriend can no longer reside on your property, he can have whatever window you decide to remove his belongings, you tell them, don't ask when they will be back, you say be here on Monday by X time please and we will speak to you at Y time regarding your future employment with us.
I'm probably repeating what PP have already said.

She will have been gone at least 15 minutes. Drive, park, pick-up, drive, park. Why didn't she just walk with baby if it's only 5 minutes?

Boyfriend could have engineered for this to happen...

I don't know about the law around this but you clearly can't trust her now. She might bring him in the house again even if he moves, so I'd terminate her contract.

I'm not sure about the wording of the message but I think there are two things happening here. Firstly is that she is having someone that she is in a personal private relationship around her place of work. That would be something that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place. The second is that she knew that you and/or your DH left your home that morning with a car seat that she would need but didn't do anything about it, and that she didn't think to put the baby in the buggy and leave a few minutes earlier so that she could walk home. Do you have a buggy board for the school/nursery going child to stand on while she pushes the buggy? It was for her convenience that she made her own judgement call about leaving your child with someone who would be a stranger to them.

I definitely think at the very least a formal warning along the lines of what you've said in your message should be laid out but I'm not sure if the way you've said it emphasises just how she broke the boundaries and rules that you have. You may need to spell it out. If there is even the hint of any boundary breaking going forwards, I think I'd terminate employment and use this as the key decider in that.

I agree with others OP - she needs to go. She has already (massively) pushed the boundaries here, and I feel you have been to lax on the boyfriend front. Even the text you have typed out is too 'friendly ' . She has taken the piss big time . If she values her boyfriend more than her employment she would not be around my kids.

I think you’ve allowed boundaries to be blurred. I wouldn’t sack her, but I would rescind the accomodation for the bf and explain how disappointed you are that she has expressly gone against your wishes.

No. I wouldn't sack her over this but I find it bizarre that he's living with you in the first place! She shouldn't be mixing her personal life with her job and you shouldn't be enabling it. I couldn't get worked up about a decent man watching my child for 5 minutes but I absolutely wouldn't want someone else living on my property.

Yes your nanny has had a lapse in judgement but so have you. What on earth were you thinking letting him move in to your garden? He was always going to be in your house when you weren't there to be near his girlfriend. You must have realised that. He may genuinely be a nice bloke having a hard time or he may be a paedophile who targeted someone working with young children who has wheedled his way in to your household very quickly. You put your children at risk by moving him in and being so completely naive that he wouldnt come into your house when you werent there.I take it from your idea to send a text to your nanny of 6 years to resolve this that you are not comfortable with communication and avoid any form of conflict. I imagine that getting rid of this man might be much harder than you imagine