Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

THIS.

I never said she was being sacked. I was explaining to other posters why she cannot be sacked "on the spot". Whilst the nanny is clearly wrong in what she did, she is still an employee with 6 years service therefore a proper process must be followed. Even for a written warning, there needs to be a disciplinary hearing for which the employee must be given adequate written notice of beforehand in order for them to prepare. If OP fails to do this, she can quite easily end up at an employment tribunal

@YourMerryBrickRobin

did the nanny reply?

There's no investigation. The nanny admitted to what she did. Not only admitted it, she volunteered the information. The investigation is complete.

@TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre That would not stand up in a tribunal. There still needs to be a fair hearing to which the nanny is entitled to be accompanied etc.
Jeez, is being a Nanny an occupation that isn't subject to UK employment law?

Just curious - you say she has been with you for 6 years but mentioned that she is just 18 years old???? Do you mean 28

Is that not gross misconduct? I can't imagine if a nursery worker sneaked her boyfriend in and then left him with the babies while she popped to the shops, she would be let off with just a written warning. Same with a childminder. I would be outraged if my childminder had left my child alone with a stranger while she went to collect another child. Even if she told me about it after. It shows a massive lack of judgment. The trust would be gone for me.

Sack her immediate. Gross misconduct. No if no but no sob stories, she leave immediately

Stepdaughter is 18. Not the nanny.

This, really.

I think your response is fair. You did them both a favour and she has completely taken advantage.

Don't sack her. Part of this issue is you allowing boundaries to be pushed.

Think of the chaos you will cause yourself by sacking her and all the good relationships you have made will be gone - for what? A naive mistake where no one was hurt.

Do decide on the boundaries. If bf is still allowed to stay, put a time limit on it if you wish. Request a DBS or lay down rules as to what is and isn't allowed. Part of the issue is the fact he is around. So think about what you want going forward and have a meeting. Sort it out like adults and take some responsibility for not having put these in place before.

Wrong. You can fire someone on the spot for GROSS MISCONDUCT. Which this very clearly is. The Nanny had only 1 job - to look after the kids - and she failed.

Its not like the Nanny was asked to do childcare as a "favour".

IT WAS HER FUCKING JOB.

She was clearly fucking about with her BF all day in the OP's house, eating their food, shagging on their sofa and watching their tv, then realised she was late for pickup and scrambled there in the car as too late to walk.

she recognised his name from her safeguarding work.

that was handy

You can fire someone on the spot for GROSS MISCONDUCT

This is true, @Castle0, but the complication is that there's nothing to stop the nanny bringing an unfair dismissal claim and insist that it wasn't gross misconduct at all

She could even try to say OP had agreed to the boyfriend minding the DCs - after all she'd already allowed him to stay on their property - and unless OP had put her "firm boundary" in writing she'd have nothing to contradict this

However as said earlier, faced with some kind of disciplinary action and having already gone to stay with her parents, the nanny may well just not come back

Yes, I thought so too.

That is because if it is a paedophile, it is soooooo obvious to spot. In OP's case, nothing to see here

How did you find out? Did she tell you? If so, clearly the boundaries haven’t been established firm enough, if she didn’t see this being an issue. Good nannies are hard to find these days but having the boyfriend living there and being around seems like a boundary has been crossed already.

Apologies, ignore my last sentence. I thought it was another poster that said it.

Agree agree agree.

HUGE boundary crossed - she has effectively lied (or been very economical with the truth) on several counts.

What else is she not truthful about….?!

I would terminate the employment, give generous pay off as a thank you for her good work for many years, but no reference.

She needs to learn from this

I would absolutely sack her.

She crossed a boundary regarding the safety of your children which you'd already imposed. Not okay.

You also need a word with yourself. What on earth are you doing allowing a strange and unvetted man move in? It doesn't matter if he's in the garden shed. He still has access to your children. I'm not surprised she ended up leaving a child with him while she 'popped out for a few mins'. It was bound to happen.

You have exposed your children to a completely unnecessary risk here. There shouldn't be any 'he seems nice' when it comes to your children.

For all you know he could be a paedo who purposely got involved with a nanny then feigned becoming homeless and trying his luck to access children through his nanny girlfriend.

Some might roll their eyes at this and think it's super unlikely.

I assure you, as a therapist, I don't exclude anything. I have come across far far too many children who have been abused by people who have had access to them, even for a few minutes. Children are most likely to be abused by someone they know too.

Please don't take this chance again.

It's not okay your nanny did this at all. She needs a stern word if you're going to keep her.

For the love of God protect your children.

I’ve read most - but not all - of the thread.

What I haven’t read is anyone bringing up
”common sense.”
Your common sense in allowing the nanny to move her boyfriend into your caravan.
Your nanny’s common sense in leaving the baby alone with the boyfriend.
And your common sense in considering this infraction or whatever it is you’re thinking.

My apologies - the lack of common sense.

Quite surprised by how forgiving people would be in this circumstance.

He could literally be a pedophile and is only dating her to gain access to children. He may have even been convincing her to leave the baby with him.

I'd be looking for a new nanny.

Apologies @scoobysnaxx I've crossposted you a bit there.

I also unfortunately know of too many abuse cases to ever take risks like this.

They're not always the creepy looking ones, a lot of them are the charming 'everybody loves x, he's the nicest guy' types.

They're also usually very clever and manipulative.

Do want you feel you need to do in order to feel that your children are safe. Your options seem to be:

• Sack nanny with immediate affect
• Sack nanny after a notice period
• Keep Nanny but tell her her boyfriend isn't welcome
• Make it clear that if the boyfriend has further contact with your children nanny will be sacked with immediate affect
• Get to know boyfriend and insist that he has a DBS check, if he may occasional come to your house (on the understanding that if you get to know him and don't like him, you may go back to the last option.)

I don't think any option is wrong, and all are justified. I'm 99% sure your nanny has committed gross misconduct which would be a sackable affect under employment law. However, do you want your children to go through loosing a nanny they like and needing to bond with someone new, if actually you think she made a genuine mistake and didn't actually put the kid(s) in any danger?

Interestingly when my son went to a childminder (who looked after a number of children in her own home) ALL the over 18 year olds in the household HAD to be DBS checked to be in their home while their mum was working. I just say this, because if you got to know boyfriend and liked him and your kids did, saying he could be their if he was DBS checked would be within childcare law. (NOT of course meaning you should allow this, I genuinely think which ever option you feel most comfortable with is the best one.)

No worries.

It's all true!

I'm horrified by the amount of forgiving people on this thread.