To think that 4/5 year olds should not be learning about d-day deaths?

[UponReflectionLake]

4 year old DS came home from school telling us about how they learned about D-Day, including how many people died, and the fighting. Whilst I agree kids should learn about this I definitely don’t think it should be foundation age children! DS suffers with nightmares and night terrors and already know this is going to cause many of them in the next few weeks. Husband says I’m overreacting, curious to see other mums opinions?

It’s an issue for your child. Other children are less sensitive than others. Yours is more sensitive and caring

I don't think in general it should be ignored and not covered at school. In the OPs case there may be some adjustment such as not attending certain lessons.

War, however justified and necessary in some cases, is not all pleasant and hollywood drama.

Thank you, I think this post has helped understanding that most that age would cope. It can be hard to differentiate between his age and his anxiety with him being so young. Something I hope to get better with as time goes on, and with the help of his mental health team.

Yep mine were 4 and 6 for the 100th anniversary of the end of WW1 and their dad was slap bang in the middle of a 6 month tour of Afghanistan at the time. They participated in all the school learning, attended the village beacon lighting saw the poppies at the Tower of London etc without ill effect.

A much bigger issue is children getting to theif teens and thinking call if duty is acceptable entertainment. Maybe they been ti learn the reality young so they respect what happened and don't think war is exciting.

I would be very surprised if a 4 year old has enough theory if mind to get nightmares from a Reception level d day description

@UponReflectionLake it's hard. It's crap but honestly they grow out of that stage but sheltering from real life is not healthy for them. All you are doing is kicking a can down the road cos one day he will be learning about it but in greater depth. Which if he doesn't learn some things now, it will be a huge shock later on.
Although as his parent you want to protect him from being scared. You need to deal with the root cause of the anxiety.
It is great Cahms is involved.

I don't know what kind of parent you are, but I found honesty was always the best policy (age appropriate) and also shutting down anxiety's if they are not rational.

So for instance, if you want your child to not believe in spirits. And he says soldiers, the queen, is going to get him. Shut it down. Give a cuddle and say 'silly sausage how can that be when they are dead' let him answer you and let him know its not how it works.
If you are a spiritual family...give a cuddle and say 'noo that wouldn't happen, spirits protect us but can't get us'
Ok you don't need to use those exact words but you get the gist.
My daughter was always scared that someone was hiding in her room. I asked her whee, she said under the bed. I laughed and said 'well can't be that scary then, you have a ton of dolls and barbies under your bed, what kind of scary person hides with barbie dolls unless they want to play with them'. We started to take the mick out of a scary monster playing with barbies. From that moment on she has always kept a barbie under her bed. Even now, for the scary monster to play with. Now it is just a cute little thing she does to make me smile.
I'm typing this and questioning what kind of weird mum am I 😂

I have read that & I'm sorry to hear about your health concerns & also your DC mental health & behavioral issues. Poor kid is really up against it. However trying to blame that on asking children to have respect for those that lost their lives so that you & your DC can have the life you do is just astounding.
When I was that age we learned the reason why some children had grandads but some were taken to soon & the generation before learned why only some children were lucky enough to have their daddy alive.

Other parents children are psychopaths

I think its tricky tbh. Even if the school had pulled him out, his peers would have still been discussing it around him. Plus you still can't account for what the rest of the class are learning/doing out of school. My 5 year old returned to school after the Easter holidays and talked about her great grandfather's murder during the Troubles because we'd come back from an anniversary memorial.

We can't pretend that history didn't happen just to shelter those with mental illness/behavioral issues.
I suspect it's your attitudes that's contributing to his problems.
The youngsters who lost their daddy in WW2 didn't get camhs & liaison.

They can’t do this OP. It’s unrealistic. So many children now have special needs or mental health issues that teachers can barely cope with their job as it is. I’m sorry to say you’re expecting far too much.

What does he know about your illness? I’m quite unwell and my child sees me do 7 injections daily and also I have dizzy episodes where she knows to bring me my orange juice (type 1 diabetes with various complications)

We all learned this same stuff as children and I don’t know about you but Iv never met anyone as an adult who have said they were traumatised as a child when learning this history.

We've shared it today in Collective Worship and the children were happy to talk about it.

I can't imagine the school felt the need to give you a heads up given the anniversary. I imagine they thought it would be obvious. I have a 2.5 year old, the memorial service was on earlier and she was interested. So I explained it was to remember people who had died while looking after us, a long time ago.
So a 4 year old I would expect to be told much more detailed information.

It’s odd, children are very very sheltered now yet their anxiety seems to be through the roof. Why?

Also when I was a kid I actively sought out things like horror films! I used to sneak downstairs to catch a glimpse of what my parents were watching when I was 5 or 6. As a child I watched the twin towers burn on the TV (as did my little brother who was 5), enjoyed Jurassic park when I was about 6, and my parents had endless conversations about the Iraq war and gory news stories without a second thought as to my presence. When foot and mouth happened there were pyres of dead animals around our village very visible.

I suspect there are many with upbringings like this, and while mental health issues are high in general, there just seems to be so many more anxious kids now than when I was growing up.

It also shows that he wasn’t ready to learn about this as he’s put two things together and got something else.

I don’t think it means he’s not ready to learn about an important part of history, it’s our job as parents to help our kids when they put two and two together and get five, no matter the subject.

I’d have had conversations about no the soldier weren’t chasing children, the sea and beaches weren’t red - maybe the teacher meant X or Y. Or exploring why he thought what he did which would help you separate out what was said, his understanding of what was said and what was being driven by a different anxiety.

I often need to correct misunderstandings or explain something more fully, because kids get confused and their imagination takes over. My DS refers to our “random conversations” on the way to school which is usually me covering something he’s needed fuller or better explanation of - it’s just part of being a parent.

Then you reframe it France was covered in red poppies. Soldiers wont attack you they are sent to protect countries where bad things are happening
Many 4 year olds and younger are dealing with death of lived ones experiencing it in pets, the plant I didn't look after etc are good starting points but you do need to talk about it pretending it doesn't happen sets them up to crash later on. Surely he's seen news, posters, the programme on cbeebies on remembrance day? Maybe it's more your fear he's picking up on.

Then that's what you need help addressing is there a support group for your illness and how to talk to young children?
Night terrors are a normal stage or do you mean nightmares?

It’s odd, children are very very sheltered now yet their anxiety seems to be through the roof. Why?

It’s partly because they are both very sheltered and yet very exposed. They’re processing movies and online content without the capacity to make sense of it while parents protect them from real life stuff that they then also don’t understand. Throw in a dose of “resilience means nothing ever bothers you” and every difficult feeling becomes amplified and pathologised.

Yes some people experience extreme levels of anxiety and need support for that, but feeling sad, angry, upset, anxious is part of life, not something that needs to be cured.

I agree with this 100%.

Unfortunately not as it’s a rare disease. He has both night terrors and nightmares. He is under Camhs.

You don't want him to know about d day but he knows his parent is seriously ill and goes to hospital all the time ? Why didn't you hide that from him If he is a worrier.

@Sue152
I'm with you OP, I don't think it's age appropriate to teach 4 year olds about war,

Tell that to the Ukrainians, Gazans, Israelis and many, many other nationalities.

Wasn't so long ago it was an issue in N Ireland too.

They need to learn that the world isn't all about love and peace (without frighting them)

And it's clear the OP's son has other issues making it worse for him

@Sue152
I'm with you OP, I don't think it's age appropriate to teach 4 year olds about war

Or asking our own parents and grandparents? My DF had memories of his sister missing a bomb when she crossed the street just before it landed. My DM's earliest memories were the Germans shooting in her house and her mum being held as a prisoner.

They didn't have a choice but to learn about war. Somehow our safest generation have the worst mental health.

On a separate note, if your ds is struggling with your condition, there's a nonprofit called the 3Dtoyshop, they send teddies with 3d printed medical equipment attached, that can help kids come to terms with their own, or their families medical conditions.

Worth having a look to see if they can make him something with an IV, and whatever other devices you have.

I've seen a lot of kids get a lot of comfort from their teddies. Worth a look anyway to see if you think it may help.