To think that 4/5 year olds should not be learning about d-day deaths?

[UponReflectionLake]

4 year old DS came home from school telling us about how they learned about D-Day, including how many people died, and the fighting. Whilst I agree kids should learn about this I definitely don’t think it should be foundation age children! DS suffers with nightmares and night terrors and already know this is going to cause many of them in the next few weeks. Husband says I’m overreacting, curious to see other mums opinions?

I don’t think a 4 year old should learn about “France turning red” as he describes. It should absolutely be built upon with context which I could’ve helped with had I known this would be taught to him this year.
And how can you be sure this is what he's been taught? If he's able to turn the Queen dying into the Queen is coming yo get him he obviously does have a very vivid imagination. And could easily have turned a simple explanation that a lot of soldiers died into this idea of France running red with blood. Still very specific to him and far from evidence it wasn't age appropriate in general or shouldn't be taught at all.

This is the sort of nightmare 2024 parenting that makes teacher’s lives hell, leads to anxiety in children, and deprives kids of the small moments which develop them as people, leading them into adulthood as nervous wrecks used to life in a sanitised jar.

It isn’t. Nor did I say that. However to give context he has since said they were taught about France turning red referencing the beach and sea. I don’t think that is appropriate

He’ll get over it. Move on

Was this a reception class lesson or an assembly? D-day is the type of event that would have been used as an assembly topic rather than main curriculum when mine were in primary.

I think teachers should be considering the needs of everyone in their class of course and tailoring the curriculum appropriately!

This would be considering the needs of a specific one or two. Not ‘everyone’. You can’t change a whole class curriculum because some kids are anxious.

I’d ask the teachers about the content, I really doubt they will have been taught about the beaches turning red, but other kids might have talked about various things related to that.

It's fact and the young children at the time lived through it. No I don't think they're too young to learn about history, which usually encourages empathy and respect. Xx

I disagree. They should know. I e been to work In a sixth form college today and hardly any of the kids even knew what d day was. Sad

Maybe mainstream school just isn't for him OP 🤷‍♀️ Have you considered homeschooling?

This. An anxious 4 year old has learnt that from an anxious parent.

It isn’t. Nor did I say that. However to give context he has since said they were taught about France turning red referencing the beach and sea. I don’t think that is appropriate

Im guessing they used a map to show how the troops advanced inland, with areas turning from blue to red (or vice versa), I very much doubt they’d have said the beaches and sea ran red with blood. Ask the school for a copy of their teaching resources but in general I think it’s no bad thing that children are taught that wars cost lives.

This is incredibly helpful thank you so much! No the children being got is definitely an imagination thing from his night terrors bless him. I think this is what I mean Hudson having a heads up. Knowing the France being red will mean poppies at his age not bloodshed would’ve been so helpful. As he has just put soldiers dying and France is red together and got that.

The school need to run all teaching materials past you in case your son misunderstands something and gives himself nightmares? Come on OP

No. He is an anxious child from dealing with a very unwell parent who is in hospital every week for blood tests/treatment. Not something that can be helped. Please don’t jump to blaming parents .

Out of interest, what is the opinion of other parents in your class WhatsApp group? Are they all saying the same thing as you?
Realistically, if you do think it's been taught in an inappropriate way, speak to the school about it.

You know you have an unusually sensitive and anxious child. This is not the fault of the school or the teacher. D Day is an important part of national history. It will have been taught in an age appropriate way. You can't expect the curriculum to be adapted for everyone because your child is sensitive.

What have you said to reassure him?

He is 4. His understanding into death will be limited.
For a 4 year old to feel the death of a queen means she will come and get him, this means he has likely been taught about spirits.
This is not really a school issue. Kids will be talking about the Queen dying. Coming from an adult is always better than coming from a child.
Kids are taught about the world. They have to be. My daughter had 2 Ukrainian children attend her school after the invasion. She came home telling me how their house has been bombed and they ran from a mean man called Putin but their dad had to stay so he might die. She was scared in case Putin did the same in England.
Whereas if a teacher had told her what was going on it would have been much more gentle and age appropriate.

Trust me when I say that if the teachers are not telling the kids, then kids will be telling the kids and honestly I know which I prefer.

Sorry your child has anxiety, but the world does not stop turning. My child has anxiety too and we have to still deal with real life. But we must help the child with anxiety rather than hide life from them. Trust me in the long run it is important.

I am aware this sounds quite blunt. I don't actually mean it to.

Sorry but the events to commemorate the D Day landings have been widely publicised in the last weeks. I think it is unreasonable to expect the school to give you specific notification. I think you you would be better explaining that if the D Day landings had not taken place and Germany had won the war then your son wouldn't be living the life he has today. Brave men did something scary to benefit others and were not selfish. Explaining difficult things is always better than hiding things from children.

If the school is well aware of his anxiety and nightmares, and they know the reasons for his issues, then personally (as an EY teacher) I would expect this to be treated as an additional need, and I think they should have warned you that this particular unit might be distressing for him. It could have been worked around, either by you taking him out for a short period or a TA doing an alternative activity with him. It's not too much to ask of a teacher to differentiate properly for the children they have. Yes, he will have to cope with distressing realities in life, but it doesn't necessarily need to be in his face right now, when he is vulnerable, struggling and barely more than a toddler. I agree with you, and if I had been teaching him I would have discussed it with you.

These reactions are quite extreme for 3 and 4 year olds. What would you have done with the heads up? Discussing it even more with him sounds more likely to make a big deal of something, creating more of an issue. DD learned about all kinds of things in Reception that involved deaths e.g. Titanic, we’ve never been given advance “warning” because the kind of response you describe isn’t usual.

I’ve just read your follow up post. So the issue is really what he’s going through regarding an ill parent - that must be tough but I’m not sure that it’s realistic to expect that this wouldn’t deflect onto something else even if he didn’t ever hear the word death in a lesson at school.

I’m not a part of the what’s app group if there is one. He attends wraparound care due to work and hospital so I don’t see the other parents. It’s hard to gauge when it’s only coming from what my son is telling me.

I think you need to work on his anxieties, not criticise the school. His behaviour sounds very, very extreme

I have to agree with this, OP.

With kindness, you don't know that that's what they were taught.