To think that 4/5 year olds should not be learning about d-day deaths?

[UponReflectionLake]

4 year old DS came home from school telling us about how they learned about D-Day, including how many people died, and the fighting. Whilst I agree kids should learn about this I definitely don’t think it should be foundation age children! DS suffers with nightmares and night terrors and already know this is going to cause many of them in the next few weeks. Husband says I’m overreacting, curious to see other mums opinions?

It's a perfectly normal part of the curriculum which will have been delivered in an age appropriate way. Your son's responses are for you to manage.

I do agree about learning about things as long as it’s age appropriate, and with heads up from school. However it seems this isn’t happening.

What isn’t happening? The heads up? They can’t give parents a heads up on everything they intend to cover, but even if they did; what would you have said if they had told you they were going to cover it?

It’s not inappropriate. The curriculum can’t be tailored to individual children, based on their own specific sensitivities.

He suffers with anxiety due to me having an illness that requires hospital appts, blood tests, IV etc every week/fortnight. The school is aware of this and his night terrors. It also hasn’t been presented age appropriately by the sounds of it.

Your child’s reaction is rather extreme and unusual.
Why would the queen dying mean that she coming to get him? Or the soldiers for that matter.
They will NOT have been told that soldiers come and get children (that’s clearly not what happened on Dday).
I’m afraid I’m with your husband. This is an important part of uk history. Totally appropriate for them to have learned a bit about it on this important anniversary.

Most of my kids have been fine with discussing this type of thing at 4/5, I had one child who was very sensitive, however it has been my job to help her with that, rather than shield her from things that may upset her.

Your kid is going to hear and see upsetting things, you need to prepare him to deal with them.

It's far better discussed in class than kids picking up snippets of adult conversations and talking about it in the playground.

Having a sensitive child is very tough, so I do sympathise, but it's so easy to make things worse because you feel sorry for them. It's so much better to be factual, and find age appropriate news stories (newsround is quite good for this) or books.

What help are you getting him for this?

I’d be more worried about how he’s associated death with scary/coming to get him or about soldiers getting children (not really a cornerstone of D-Day).

Most 4 year olds I know associate death with heaven and angels and living in the stars.

Has he been exposed to inappropriate content that means he’s now struggling to process child appropriate topics?

Ah yes i hadn’t ever thought to work on his anxiety thanks 🤦🏼‍♀️ the school are fully aware of his anxiety & night terrors as well as the family situation.

Don't ever go out with dog for a walk ,go out to the petting zoo to feed the baby lambs Don't ever go to visit The Crown Jewells or Tower Castle the will rock you socks .

Yes, you've said the school are aware several times

But you must know his reactions aren't within the realms of normal - he needs outside help and support, not for you to go and criticise the school for teaching the standard curriculum.

not accessing things he shouldn’t I have health issues that require hospital visits weekly/fortnightly. Unsure where the getting children but has come from, but he has had night terrors for a long time so I imagine it’s from those. He is getting help professionally externally for his anxiety and school are aware.

I'm with you OP, I don't think it's age appropriate to teach 4 year olds about war, in the same way that school wouldn't teach them about PIV sex at that age (even if these things would get talked about at home). I also don't think it's age appropriate to teach them about Jesus being nailed to a cross either but you can expect that at Easter if it's a C of E school.

This certainly isn't the first thread I've read where a child has been negatively affected by being taught about war at school in reception. I think teachers should be considering the needs of everyone in their class of course and tailoring the curriculum appropriately! It's called differentiation and happens all the time.

I'm with your DH.

The D doesn't stand for Disney and it will have been taught in an age appropriate way.

The reason I state that is because he is getting help with it professionally. That’s the point I’m making. They’re aware of his anxieties and still went ahead with teaching him this, with no heads up to us or his liason, whilst knowing what his reaction would be. I think I’ve made it clear his anxieties aren’t “normal” however given our situation it’s pretty common for children to become anxious and we support him aswell as having external support. Regardless of this all though I’m not sure how appropriate teaching about the bloodshed is for a 4 year old.

But you must know his reactions aren't within the realms of normal - he needs outside help and support, not for you to go and criticise the school for teaching the standard curriculum
This. Your thread title is really general and about all 4/5 year olds. There's no reason for the vast majority of children not to learn about war in an age-appropriate way as it will have been. YABU on that. Are you BU about your specific child and whether he should have been taken out of the lesson given that the school are aware he was significant issues? Maybe not. But what would you want? There's no mention of war at all? They are told soldiers went to France and everyone came home and lived happily ever after? Neither are really plausible.

it will have been done in a very age appropriate manner. It will form part of a much larger curriculum. It is an important part of this countries cultural history and should absolutely be taught.

Here we go again

Kids are so screened yet so ‘anxious’

Because parents make such a big deal out of everything

Well, children will have been learning about D-Day and war in an age-appropriate way for decades. I remember doing it in school at a similar age and that was thirty years ago now.

I'd also say that lots of children love all this stuff - there's a reason why shows like Horrible Histories are so popular, after all.

If you feel the school should have given you a heads up then it's fine to address that, but not to go in and criticise the subject in general imo.

You can’t shelter your child from everything In the world I’m afraid. Him being told the queen died is just a natural part of every day life, it’s a normal part of growing up and is good for learning about his feelings.

Im sure they were taught about D day in an age appropriate way.

You can’t shield your child from every negative topic in life otherwise they’ll never form proper social skills or be able to handle their emotions.

Your son has specific circumstances that drive his anxiety. Why is that evidence that the material wasn't taught in an age appropriate way?

My DD is nearly 5 and we have discussed Jesus dying on the cross (Catholic school), the deaths of people we know, that the police will take mummy and daddy away if we don’t put her seat belt on, and showed her photos of her cousin who bashed her teeth out because she climbed on the side of the bath when her mum wasn’t looking (to discourage DD from doing the same). She doesn’t have nightmares; she’s a happy confident little girl.

Ds was fascinated with WWII by that age, so if your dc had been in his form then statistics and information could well have come from him. When they did WWII in year 6 his teacher told me (luckily amused) that the other children kept turning to Philip and asking if things were correct. Apparently he was always right and the teacher wasn't, when checked.

I remember at that age he was playing a game with dd1 (aged about 10yo) and he wanted to play war and she said "but I don't like playing war. Could we play something where I'm neutral?"
Quick as a flash he said: "Yes, we'll play Pearl Harbour-you can be America."

In a lot of ways the interest he had was very much about the machines and the facts, but he did have a good knowledge and it wasn't ghoulish at all.

Apologies I typed quickly and should have mentioned his anxieties night terrors etc Originally. It’s not about not knowing these things, more about the appropriateness at this age talking about bloodshed which is what he has discussed since me posting this. It doesn’t sound like it has been done age appropriate. Learning about soldiers and how they serve a country, about veterans, different parts of military etc this in my eyes would be appropriate. I don’t think a 4 year old should learn about “France turning red” as he describes. It should absolutely be built upon with context which I could’ve helped with had I known this would be taught to him this year.

It will almost certainly have been done in an age appropriate manner, using age appropriate materials. Schools have been covering such topics for decades, working with all manner of children. He won't have seen anything specifically scary or anything gory or even details.

The France being red - I assume he saw a picture of poppy fields perhaps.

He won't have been told of soldiers coming and grabbing children, etc especially as that's not an aspect of the D Day landings remembrance.

Unfortunately some children are more sensitive than others with quite active imaginations where they can turn what they've been told into whole new scenarios in their head.

You can turn some of his stories into new versions - the red France is easy to,address. Show him a red poppy and show a field of poppies growing close together. The poppies aren't scary. They are just flowers. And so on...

How is your child coping at play time? Whenever I've been in the playground there's a load of children running around 'shooting baddies' in the playground, or 'investigating a murder'.
I'm sure what they hear in the playground is worse than what is being taught in the classroom.