To ask what about victims of male on male violence

[anothernamitynamenamechange]

Many men are victims of violence by other men. The majority of men are murdered by other men, very often their friends or acquaintances. So, if that isn't being talked about enough, I created a thread right here, for that specific issue.

I agree about austerity. So many things were cut, even small things that you wouldn't think of, and its only much later that the full impacts are seen. E.g. sure start centres were such a good resource and good value too. That's another annoying thing - sure cut out waste where it exists, but slashing everything to the bone just leads to much more expensive interventions further down the line.

Oh, and youth clubs and other places teenagers can go.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to explore the issue or to put it out there to discuss. I think you're also very polite and measured in the face of some hostile responses.

austerity doesn't hit so hard if the families have good paying stable jobs.
i know from my work that venting to other women and having other parents to discuss challenges with was hugely helpful.
i'm sure it would be similar for men as well, working with others and being able to discuss relationship challenges.
having the money for kids to participate in high level sports.

That is very much on me though. The title sounds a bit trolly, and the explanation didn't make sense (I forget that what's in my head when I write isn't in other peoples.) Plus its AIBU.

I have a 6th former son and very much think about the risks out there for him. I feel the essential bit is when the neural pathways are forming, does a young child feel love as this impacts their brain development. If that is not the environment a young child is brought up in then support; support; support. Is needed I read somewhere this happens in a Scandinavian country but unsure if that is still the case. Like a school on parenting.

My partner was a victim of male on male violence. I was a witness and I have to say it really fucked me up for a long time. Still bothers me now if I think about it too much. I think sentences are too lenient and he has been failed. What can I do about it absolutely nothing just like when it happened.

I think male-on-male violence is discussed plenty and yet solutions are never found. At the moment there are numerous wars being raged around the world - all of them are men's wars, all started and perpetuated by men.
The street violence that the media highlights - again, men are the perpetrators and often the victims.
D-Day remembrance this week - again men.

I'm glad we have spaces for women to discuss something that was for a long time either hushed up or actually accepted. We've been focused on male-on-male violence for centuries.

It'd be hard to disagree with these. I'd go much further, to include relationships education as routine throughout school. All young people should do the Freedom Programme; there should be solid education on relationship building and conflict resolution; assertiveness training. Respect needs to be taught in a grown-up fashion, not woolly bollocks about kindness.

I'm also keen on combat lessons for both sexes, though less certain than I am about the above. Fighting actually raises testosterone, which provokes competitiveness and impulsiveness (so more fighting). On the other hand, learning controlled physical aggression should be helpful.

PP's remarks about youth facilities are significant, too. I'm really sympathetic to today's 'lost' teenagers, there are no safe outlets for them compared to my own teenage years.

@TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to imply anyone was at fault (except the violent thugs themselves). I know of someone else who was a witness to a very violent crime (she didn't know them just wrong place wrong time). Unfortunately the police were absolutely useless and she was threatened by the gang who were responsible, it destroyed her relationship because her partner had young kids and didn't want them to be at risk. She moved in the end. All for doing the right thing (calling the police, stopping to give first aid, agreeing to be a witness.) Her life was destroyed far more than the perpetrators ever was and that's before you consider the family of the victim. So many lives shattered. And I hesitate to talk about it because the last thing you want to do is put other people of reporting crime/giving statements - but the police really need to prioritise victims and witnesses for more than they do. Otherwise everything falls apart.

Good point, OP. I'd welcome public campaigns about civic & social responsibility. Fuck 'British Values', let's have some named, specific and useful values!

It's a good idea for a thread, but the reality of it is probably going to get a lot of backs up.

Men overwhelmingly form the bulk of the victims of violent crime, as well as homicides - this is something that's pretty well-known, although not talked about a huge amount except in the sense of generalised blame ("Well, men should sort the problem out", as though men are some kind of homogenous group and those victims should've somehow done something about it).

Ultimately, I think it's definitely something that's relevant on here in the sense that every male violent criminal has a mother; while I'm obviously not suggesting that parents are to blame for raising violent criminals, they have the only major identifiable influence.

What would be really interesting is if any parents of men/boys convicted of violent crimes could comment about their experience, how their son developed, and how much they think the formative years influenced the eventual outcome (versus their environment, for example, and maybe talk about what the chances might've been of changing any of those things).

Your thread is not unreasonable, but putting it on AIBU is. Chat at most, though preferably Dadsnet.

I mean yeah.. but what are us women supposed to do that we aren't already doing? We talk about misogyny and toxic masculinity??
End of the day this needs to come from men tbh.
I do find any time as a woman, I try abd talk about male violence to men.. they don't want to hear it. They try abd change the conversation to make it somehow the fault of women.. the pressures men face. They have to be super macho and violent because that's what women apparently want....
And the few that do get it were never the problem anyway.
I really don't think it helps the situation where women are held responsible constantly for the behaviour of men... for us to be discussing what we could do about the behaviour of men towards each other.

To an extent, true, but anyone can be a victim of violence. Violent muggings and other out of home attacks but also violence in the home. Someone can be in a stable job but still become a victim of an attack out of the home by a stranger or domestic abuse. Sometimes that leads to them being unable to stay in their job or at least needing a long time off because of how it's affected them. Physically or mentally, and then it impacts financially.

Austerity has meant cuts to the services needed, for both perpetrators and victims. Social services and mental health provision, affordable housing, domestic abuse and victim support services, police, courts, and probation services.

All these services are needed to address violent crime, together with a supportive benefits system, work, education and training opportunities, sports, and youth facilities.

The problems are societal and the solutions are also societal.

Againname

The problems are societal and the solutions are also societal.

This all the way. Without accepting this and seeing that we all have a part to play. It will never go away.

Not that I think that it will disappear altogether.

Yes, make violence is an issue. Yes, it's about time men stepped up and did something about it. Yes, parents should think about how we can raise boys.

Male violence against women, men and children can only be stopped by males, but most males don't want to do the work to fix their anger and entitlement issues so nothing gets done. Pretending that anyone othrt then males can fix the problem is pointless and a waste of time.

Bring back programmes such as sure start. Give parents support right at the start.

Bring back health visitors to how they used to be, who were great at sign posting to services for help and support.

Give women more help to escape domestic violence, usually perpetuated by men, meaning children don't have to grow up in violent households.

A better system of maintenance from absent fathers, meaning fewer children grow up in poverty.

Better mental health support, accessible in the early stages for children and adults rather than waiting until the shit hits the fan.

Prisons having a focus on rehabilitation rather than prisoners just being caged up.

More funding for schools to support children right from reception class.

More youth services that can help steer kids away from gangs.

Drug and alcohol support availability much sooner than currently. (Can take a long time to get a detox and rehab place)

There's loads that could be done that could help prevent violence in general. The above is just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm unsure why and maybe I need to delve deeper into this, but your OP has really annoyed me.

It's as though you're asking us what we think the solution is.

Male violence is the issue, regardless of who it is perpetrated against.

Maybe go and ask some blokes their feelings on it.

Yes someone should sort it out. The men.

I do think that lack of discipline doesn't help. It seems that teachers are not allowed to discipline children in schools for fear of parents threatening some sort of action; I believe this makes pupils think they can do whatever they like without consequences. It also means their education suffers. They grow up to be entitled adults who then perpetuate the problem with their own children; there is a steady decline in behaviour in society.

I'd be really interested to see if you'd get the same proposed solutions on a significantly male forum?

I can’t see why asking a broader audience for their ideas has made you so pissy tbh - it’s not really a difficult or unusual question!

Are you male OP?

There don't seem to be a great deal of men discussing how to address the issue of male violence. Whereas broadly women do seem to spend a lot of time discussing the issues that affect them

That's only because men don't call it "male violence" when they discuss it - it's just "violence". That makes sense to me, because when you make it gendered you're a) addressing the wrong group, and b) excluding people (women) who may actually have a valid voice in it; the only men who'll be receptive to an argument like that are the ones who aren't the problem in the first place and similarly have no idea how to engage with the ones who do.

Both abdicating responsibility and refusing to engage, like so many on this forum do ("It's up to men to sort it out"), helps no-one - especially since the whole of society has a role to play in the creation of violent people (as evidenced by the whole "violent crimes increase with rising poverty" thing).