Family kept illness secret before GCSE’s

[Happyharry2003]

Hi
im just wondering if IBU as my family say I am but they have a history of telling me i overreact.

My daughter is in the middle of her GCSE’s. On Sunday we went to a family party to celebrate her cousins birthday.

Today her sister woke up with a sickness bug.

I have since found out one of the children at the gathering (10 adults and kids in total) went to doctor and hospital friday and Saturday due to being unwell and dehydrated. Subsequently, their whole family came down with a vomiting bug yesterday. Nobody told me anything.

if I had been told anyone was ill I would not have attended with my daughters. The adults at the party were aware how important these exams are to my youngest daughter and chose not to mention the cousins illness prior to us arriving. They only mentioned the cousin being under the weather just as we left.

I am so disappointed that this was kept from me and also that no one thought it important enough to give me the option of not attending due to GCSE’s. I told a family member how sad this has made me feel and how anxious my youngest now is that she might catch this vomiting bug right in the middle of the exams. I was told I was being ridiculous and that she could always resit them another time.

aibu?

That’s terrible! Yanbu

I have recommended this book so many times lately but please get it, it’s called ‘you’re not the problem’ it’s brilliant and will be so helpful to you dealing with this from now on.

Well, they ARE guilty. How they feel is up to them. That would be my reply.

Your Dd is a star to have done her exam and I wish her the greatest success.

And fingers crossed you stay well OP.

I’d be fuming and they’d know it!!

Someone asked me to drive their kid to school because their brother had a vomiting bug. I refused because my daughter was in the middle of her exams. They were really annoyed that I refused. Sometimes though you have to put your own kids first.

So relieved for her they did this! Glad she was also able to get through it.

Terrible. Theyve asked you. Onto make them feel guilty?! They bloody should feel guilty

This is absolutely disgusting. Even without the GCSEs I’d be livid. The first rule of vomiting bugs is you isolate. Your dd sounds like a trooper.

it’s not fair to OP tbh. It was just family lunch and her DD deserved a bit of fun and distraction, you can’t sit and revise ALL hours.
With normal and supportive family this lunch could have been a moral boost for child.
The comments these relatives made at lunch about GCSEs clearly showed that they’re jealous and did it on purpose. I know it’s difficult to believe it but it certainly feels like it.

I would reply that expectation was completely unreasonable and of course they should feel guilty because they are responsible for her needlessly becoming ill at such a crucial time and that being that disrespectful will be hard to get over and it's tough shit it they don't like your response.

Honestly do not be nice. They don't deserve it.

YANBU. People like this drive me up the wall because their own child’s disappointment at missing a party is more important to them than anyone else’s inconvenience.

One of my kids when young had a medical condition which meant any vomiting would put them in hospital on a drip. My family knew this yet on more than one occasion one family member would bring their kids to an event or host us when someone had been vomiting overnight. Eventually I learned to text them any time we were going to meet up and explicitly ask if everyone was well.

I would 100% be making them feel very guilty and would distance yourself for a while.

I would respond along the lines of
“poor DD feels like absolute shit, has had to drag herself into a room and do her exams in isolation… she isn’t functioning at her best so I’m very worried she won’t pass despite all the hard work she’s put in… and since these are her subjects for A levels if this has affected her performance and prevents her going to college we are all going to be devastated!!”

DO NOT spare their feeling… they’re totally and utterly inconsiderate Cupid stunts!!

It’s great school set up a room in isolation for her, however it’s unfortunate she couldn’t just sit them another day when she’s feeling better…. I hope being unwell hasn’t affected her ability to perform at her best… how bloody awful of your family!

Telling you you’re over reacting is sheer gaslighting behaviour!…. They’re horrible!! and she can ‘just resit them!’ WTAF!! … what like next bloody year!! How do you tell a year 11 girl she’s got to repeat all her hard work and resit an exam in a years time because her aunts and uncles put her at risk!

It really annoys me when people don’t isolate themselves when they’re sick… my daughter has type 1 diabetes… so catching any sort of bug makes her really ill…. What is just a bug to others hospitalises many type 1’s and hospitals have to constantly monitor their sugars.. a simple ‘bug’ could be fatal to our type 1’s… so there’s no way they’d be able to just sit the exam anyway…. If your saltines Jane this terrible attitude about illness how many people have they put at risk!! Hopefully all the other party guests also get sick and give these idiots a lecture!!

why would you risk spreading a bug/disease/virus that had put your own kid in A&E …. Bloody ridiculous!!

and no you did nothing wrong by attending, people saying that are idiots too… what do they expect you to do exactly .. lock your DD away and not let her go out ‘just encase’ so fool is out and about while poorly!

@Nottherealslimshady
I don't know if those people are thick or selfish

This is it exactly, it's one or the other, selfish or thick.
@Happyharry2003 only you can decide.

I'm so sorry. What a bunch of self centred idiots. And whining that YOU'RE making them feel guilty.

I'd stay silent for now and focus on your DCs. When they're better and the exams are all over, I'd write out a clear, calm reasonable statement of exactly what your family did.

It was their choice to behave in this thoughtless and irresponsible way, knowing there was sickness in their house, that your daughter has anxiety linked with ASD, and the huge importance of GCSEs at this age, plus minimising, dismissing and attempting to turn it onto you as the bad guy making them feel bad.

They need to hear this and the consequences of their behaviour has made your poor DC's feel dreadful. Having to sit unmissable exams in isolation with a sick bucket? That was on them.

I'd let them know you and the dcs require an acknowledgement and an apology - but somehow I don't think they'll see it.

If they had a shred of decency they would feel guilty without you making them. They are vile people who think only of themselves and how they feel. If DD manages to do as she hoped before catching this they will no doubt say it was alright in the end and a line should be drawn under it. What they've put DD and your family and others through for their selfishness is disgusting.

Well done OP and well done your daughter for being so brave!

Your family - well there are no words. They'll be trying to make themselves feel better. Just ignore them for a bit. You don't have to reply. Or talk to them. Just say 'busy at the moment with the exams, so can't talk'. Mute the chats if on whatapp.

Are you being unreasonable?
No youre not!!
What a selfish thing for them to do.
Hoping your DD stays well🙏

Definitely not! 😂🤦‍♀️ What a truly thoughtless and gaslighting bunch they are.

What sort of person brings a sick child to a gathering putting everyone at risk of hospitalisation?!

And GCSE results are essential to get into college. Some are not happy with retakes even.

However if your lovely DD does get sick, this can be taken into account so please make her realise if she misses an exam due to illness, she can be kept in isolation and retake or the grade can be worked out from other sources such as mocks or other papers.

Good luck with English Language P2 today ☺️

Just seen your update. Hope your DD gets well soon and does well in the exams. She deserves to after all this.

So sorry she came down with the bug. The school sound brilliant - glad they've been so understanding. Bless her heart, though. I'm glad she's managing to get through the exams but it's not ideal, is it? Hope she's over the worst of it today.

@Happyharry2003 I haven't RTFT, just your posts as I really wanted to know how your daughter was. I'm so sorry. I am in tears for you. That is truly toxic of them. Your daughter's school sounds amazing, and so does your DD for having the determination to sit her exams. I hope your daughters are better soon and that the rest of you don't come down with it. Your family has behaved appallingly. Don't let them gaslight you. Massive unmumsnetty hugs x

I'd be livid

Common sense seems to have totally gone out the window, you are right to be annoyed with your family. The birthday party could have been delayed till everyone was well.

Thanks again. We got through exams today in once piece and now no vomiting for the last 24 hours so I’m keeping everything crossed it’s over. What a week! Thank goodness it’s Friday tomorrow!!! Thanks again for all the supportive messages x

Well done to you all for getting through this miserable time!