To choose to work school friendly hours?

[Niliu]

I will soon need to make a big decision about role at work- either way will be a senior position.
I can choose to do school hours (9.30am-3pm) 4 days a week at £60k, or work FT for £100k.

In the latter role I'm also more likely to be able to expand the role and have £10k rises quickly, whilst in the former school hours role my pay won't see any major leaps and I would have to take on more hours to get any more money- there's also a chance I could get 'stuck' in this role.

I feel annoyed at myself contributing to the female 'pay gap' by taking the lower paying role and I love the idea of being able to afford a a bigger house and better holidays. However my kids are still only little (5&3) and I feel they will benefit from my time.

If it's relevant husband works 30 hours week hybrid job at £35k. He is an equal parent.
Actual content of role is fairly similar so no differentiating factors there either.

Help me decide!

I know quite a lot of women in my parents' generation who bitterly regret not fulfilling their career potential.

I don't think it's true that people never regret it.

I would totally be going for the higher paying job! That money for 9-5 and such a short commute - amazing!

I have always worked ft though.

Could your husband reduce his hours a bit as it sounds like your earnings would more than replace this loss of earnings?

Totally agree and came on to say similar.

I have a 12 yo DS and a 6 yo DS and work part time. I think the older one needs me more after school than the younger. The pre and teen years are hard.

However you work it out, I really advise that either you or your husband be around as much as poss for the secondary years.

good luck with choice!

Same here.

I think some older women who spent a lifetime looking after and prioritising their children/husband/house feel a sense of “what if”.

It's a really hard one. I'd be inclined to look at how much you would be taxed in each role and what your take home pay would be. Then I'd consider or discuss whether your dh would be willing to give up his job or reduce hours significantly or whether you could afford some sort of home help or factor in how much it would cost to outsource household chores. I'd factor in the cost and see if full time would still be worth it financially. My thinking would be that I wouldn't want such young children in afterschool club or to have such long days in childcare (no judgement for people that do but I would want to avoid if possible) and also I would want a lot of the housework to be covered so that any free time would be family time. If not, then I'd take the term time job.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

Exactly this. I would have much rather been at work than doing the bloody school run, kids are tried and hungry. Then supervise HW/ cook tea or ferry them somewhere. No thank you. I’d much rather swan in at 5.30 and someone else had done that slot! You still see them for a good few hours.

I didn’t have that option as DH worked long hours and often abroad. In your situation I’d have loved someone at home covering that slot.

Considering the hours and commute many people have being home at 5.30pm sounds amazing.

Hmm it may not always be "fun" after school but it's been really valuable for my kids to have me there. Especially as they're older actually.

And also has had its fun moments as its usually when we've had kids come home with us when they were primary age and I've been able to chat to another parent some of whom are still friends now.

I've really appreciated being part of the children's lives so much rather than "we'll you still get to see them"

However for me that's come at a cost so the amazing compromise of a well paid job within school hours would honestly be the golden ticket from my perspective as I wouldn't have wanted not to be there.

Is there any home working with the £100k role? I'm in a senior role and WFH (Albeit not quite £100k, I will probably have to do 2 days office for that salary in my sector) so I'm in when the teenager gets back, I agree it's a good time to talk, tends to be when school problems etc are raised. But doesn't require the full 2 hours!

Plus your DH will be around some of that time too as has been stated.

I would take the FT job. Since your DH works part time and could do most drop offs and pick ups, that would make the decision even easier for me.

I think it’s important to consider your long term goals as well as what might be right today. The FT position has potential for career growth which is appealing in itself. Also, after you’ve worked there for a year or so and made yourself indispensable 😀could you negotiate compressed or reduced hours? Or WFH once or twice a week?

I work from home 3 days a week btw (but I’m not on quite as much - 80k) and I find that allows me to be there for my 15 and 10 yo’s a good amount - I work all the hours I’m supposed to, it just means I’m there immediately before and after rather than travelling a lot.

Then the younger one is with his dad on Thursdays (his job is more flexible in fact even though better paid) and the kids both go eow.

Agree. I have a group of five mums and we are new empty nesters. We have a mix of stay at home mums and working mums and there is no judgement, only support and mutual respect. I have been very shocked as I have met with two of them separately since our boys left for University.

One has said she bitterly regrets going part time and has started to resent her husband whose career in the city has flourished. I was very shocked as they seem to have a perfect life. She has said she would discourage her kids from doing what she did. The other mum has just announced her divorce and is worrying about money in the future as her husband is being difficult about it. And her part-time job is freelance and low salary.

I would never have predicted either of these women to be saying this to me today. So yes they have regrets.

That cna go either way though can't it. You often read of people on here who were grateful their parents were present after school and also of people who resented the after school clubs /being home alone when older so are doing things differently for their kids.

I have a colleague who worked through (was a single parent) and now her children are at uni is sometimes reflecrful that she'd have liked to have been part time/able to have more time and input with her kids.

I dont think there's an easy answer but OP has a genuine choice. It isn't low paid part time vs high salary away from kids.

The part time is very well paid
The high salary job is still home at a reasonable hour.

So genuinely amazing position to be in!

I would absolutely take the full time role. I am so much happier working full time - as others have said, the after school period is mostly cooking dinner, washing up lunch boxes or bottles, laundry, refereeing bickering kids. Being begged for a play date only for it all to end in tears because they're too tired. It didn't feel much like fun or quality time.

Having said that, when I worked part time on a four day week, it was the happiest I'd ever been! Got loads of admin/housework/appointments done on my day off so that we could all chill at the weekends. I was gutted when I had to leave!

I think they key point here is that the OP will be home at 5.30. So she’ll still be around for kids now and when they’re older. My teen gets home from school later than that - I am still here for him.

You’re just missing the school run (no great loss) and a few hours - they may do clubs until 4.30ish anyway. Still lots of time to spend with the kids. And the DH can be there for them in that little gap (or a club).

@GeneralMusings absolutely people often have regrets both ways

But it's often asserted that no one ever regrets choosing time with their children over professional success and I don't think that's true.

I think when people do have regrets over lack of time with their children, it's usually because they did super long hour jobs where they barely saw their children, regular travel etc. Not 9-5 roles where they get to do bedtime every night and are home every weekend.

I would take the 9-5 - you are only essentially missing 2.5 hours when they are in school and with dh able to manage the pick ups I.would be fine with that.

I agree with this completely and it’s a point that is always missed on these types of thread. Of course people aren’t going to wish they spent more time at work on their deathbeds but it’s really not that simple.

OP I would 100% take the FT role, you will still see your kids loads and your husband already works part time. The extra money could really improve your standard of living/ be put away for great holidays/ save for pensions/ house deposits for kids. For me it’s a no brainier.

for what it’s worth I work in a professional role (finance) and have done the 9-3 hours, it’s really intense and not something I’d recommend tbh. I moved to 4 regular days as soon as I could.

Thanks again for all the feedback.

I've had a real numbers crunch and think.

In terms of what I do at the moment I do different projects/roles for different periods and so there's not been as much consistency, and we have had loads of family support. However we can't continue to rely on family as much and this new position will come with more stability and regularity. I also can't work from home in any significant way- I can do admin at home but the core part of my job means I need to be there in person. I can however definitely nip out well before 5pm if it's quiet...

Husband works 9-5 4 days but has offered to flex. Someone said oh maybe he'll get promoted and that's just unrealistic, he has recently changed role and gone from £27 to £35k, he's very good at what he does but his earning potential is nowhere near mine. We agreed he would keep working for his pension, independence etc rather than staying at home when we had our first.

Our house does get on my wick quite frankly and I do think we need more space. Kitchen is a poky galley one, dining room full of laundry drying, dining table, home working desks and the bloody hamster, living room with Lego and craft bits everywhere and a heap of coats and shoes by the door. We have kallax units everywhere and have tried to be clever about storage. Our bedrooms are all only big enough for bed and clothes- they couldn't really have sleepovers as no floor space. I can't imagine living with teenagers like this.

There are houses near us that would mean borrowing £150k more but then we would have bigger bedrooms, kitchen diner etc. Bigger 'luxury' detached houses are at least £300k more.

If I do the school hours role the best we can afford is a single storey extension to our house really- which is really making me examine the quality of life aspect. I also realised how much of the days I have with the DC that I'm doing laundry, tidying etc and how much of an absolute ducking dream it would be to just pay someone to do this for me.

I think the perfect solution would be 9-5 over 4 days 😂

I mentioned my dilemma to a senior I used to work with who is winding down his responsibilities now and he mentioned being on £150k quite quickly (a couple of years) if I took the FT role 😳
I could end up with quite a big disparity in years to come...although I'd see rises in the school hours one they would be proportionally much less and more infrequent.

I think the perfect solution would be 9-5 over 4 days 😂 now I have had a think about what I want I might actually take that to the table and state that and see what they say, they can only say no.

Good idea OP. Maybe they’ll meet you in the middle a bit with a view to increasing hours when kids are older?

Good choice! I honestly think 4 days 9-5 is ace

Honestly I'd go with the full-time role, but see if you can negotiate 10 extra days holiday a year.

Your LO will be in school very soon and you'd love to have extra holidays when the kids are off and not have them always in holiday clubs.