To choose to work school friendly hours?

[Niliu]

I will soon need to make a big decision about role at work- either way will be a senior position.
I can choose to do school hours (9.30am-3pm) 4 days a week at £60k, or work FT for £100k.

In the latter role I'm also more likely to be able to expand the role and have £10k rises quickly, whilst in the former school hours role my pay won't see any major leaps and I would have to take on more hours to get any more money- there's also a chance I could get 'stuck' in this role.

I feel annoyed at myself contributing to the female 'pay gap' by taking the lower paying role and I love the idea of being able to afford a a bigger house and better holidays. However my kids are still only little (5&3) and I feel they will benefit from my time.

If it's relevant husband works 30 hours week hybrid job at £35k. He is an equal parent.
Actual content of role is fairly similar so no differentiating factors there either.

Help me decide!

Does it have to be all or nothing? Could you do say 2 x 9 to 5 days and 3 x school hour days? Then you get best of both worlds, more pay/work progression and time with kids.

If you are likely to get promoted often I wouldn't worry about losing the tax free childcare and free hours. It would be short term pain for long term gain.

I work school hours (kids 3 & 5) because I'd be worse off FT and using wrap around care. Yes I see the kids but I also collect tired children that just want to watch TV or attempt murdering each other. The dream is often so different to the reality.

I'm so curious what you both do too?

Is there a middle ground? Like going down to 4.5 days? Eg work 5 days, finish early enough for school pick up on two of those?

If your employer is willing to be flexible, I feel you could find a solution that gives you roughly what you want on both fronts.

I worked those kind of part time hours when my kids were younger and now I work full time they are 13&17yrs.

The only things I would say is progression feels more limited part time, you work just as hard and you end up paying a full day of childcare unless you can be there at 3pm on the dot to pick the kids up from school. It feels limited when you have to take leave if the kids are ill, it just doesn't feel like your getting anything done at work on those weeks so I guess it depends on you support system at home and your responsibilities at work.

On the plus side taking care of small children is an epic job and it did fit around them and my lifestyle at the time.

I work with a few senior managers with small children now who work flexibly four days a week.

Have you thought about school holidays? That’s the killer once they are in school, and holiday childcare varies hugely depending on where you live. Where I live it’s non existent. I’m grateful if they can spend 3 hours a morning at the church holiday club for one week.

I took a lower paid school hours role because, as a lower earner, it made no difference to us financially at that stage and my son with autism couldn't cope with wrap around, and then wasn't allowed in wrap around even if I wanted it.

Anyway, that stretch after school until tea, wasn't the highlight of my parenting time. The kids were often hungry, tired and just wanted a snack and to watch tv or to play at the park with friends (not me) I just sat on a bench. The quality chats, cuddles etc came around tea time and the stretch until bedtime.

If the full time job is just ordinary full time work that lets you get home for tea, bath, story time, and enjoy your weekends and holidays, I would pick that. Negotiate one early leave a fortnight if you are keen to do the school pick up experience.

If the FT is a job where you are never there until after bedtime and always stressed at the weekends, then I'd do the school hours one.

Since your dh is able to be the flexible one I'm going against the grain and say go full time.And that extra money will more than pay for outsourcing chores leaving quality family time/ downtime on a weekend

@BaronessBomburst I agree and have been warned about this. I know a few people who spent a lot of money on playrooms but the children just dragged the toys around the kitchen to follow the parent around. A good deep toy storage unit is better. You'd be surprised how brief the toy phase is. It feels like forever but by 7 most plastic stuff is gone and we have none by 10. We now have lots of books and arts and crafts instead but none of the toy mess.

I’d take the full time role personally, as your DH doesn’t have a majorly stressful job so he can take his share of pick ups

This

I would definitely go full time, I can’t really understand why you wouldn’t? Seems like you have the perfect set up, one of you can be flexible with school hours and the other brings home a substantial amount of money leaving you both free to do whatever you want on weekends.

I’m surprised at some of the comments, I thought this was a very traditional set up in a lot of homes, I don’t see many households (unfortunately) where both parents work school hours and can both do pickups/drop offs?

Normally, I would say go for school hours. However in this case, your DH earns significantly less than you and has a much more flexible role than a lot of men - as I understand it you are the main breadwinner here. Therefore would go full time, on the basis that your DH does most things with the DC and you earn more £ which can be used to give them more opportunities. Only works if your DH pulls more than his weight at home though!

But did you have a DP doing 30 hrs ? There absolutely is an argument to have one parent more available but 2 ? Not so much.

This. I choose full time and then take unpaid parental leave in school holidays- much better than having the after school period off when they just want to slump anyway. Whereas extra time off in the holidays is brilliant.

Really? I know quite a few, including myself. We all work 4 day weeks. Maybe it depends on your industry. Admittedly the majority of couples I know have one full time worker, but just because you don't personally know couples that do this doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I’d love to have a playroom too. We’ve sort of sectioned off part of the living room for it! I know what you mean. But toys do get smaller and less of them. And what I remember from my childhood is my mum always being there after school and yes play dates and seeing friends etc I didn’t care about the size of our house. And now my mum is gone I know I want the same for my kids. Time before everything else. It’s the one thing you can’t buy more of.

You can't take unpaid parental leave until you've been there a set period of time though (a year, I think) and certainly in some businesses even though it's a statutory right it's frowned upon. Also in our business it would most likely be turned down in the summer months as it's our busiest time. Certainly 4 weeks' worth would.

Is there not a middle ground, OP? Eg compress hours so you can finish early one or two days a week? So you can still do pick up on those days?

@Garlicnaan

Everywhere I've worked has let me take it after 6 months. And I work a corporate job, as I suspect OP does, so summer unlikely to be especially busy.

I don't take 4 weeks, I take two separate one week blocks.

Companies will flex when they value you,

But 90k income is pretty good, and if it's enough why not enjoy these years while they're young and have an easier life with more time at home? Can you really not understand why someone would choose that?

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong playrooms turn into lovely second sitting rooms/snugs for pre teens/teens to hang out in with their friends, I like that they have a sociable space downstairs and we can keep consoles out their rooms, they don't spend all their time locked away in their rooms.

But 90k income is pretty good

It's not great. Especially when OP can earn substantially more. We don't know the rest of their circumstances or where she's based either.

I do wonder if some of these replies would be different if it was the husband saying he was considering taking a £60k job instead of £100k (and potentially limiting earning potential) despite having a much lower earning wife already available for the school run.

This is such a tricky one. A few things to consider:

Tax implications and impact on any free hours for the younger one if you take the FT job

In both roles, is unpaid overtime expected, I.e. if you took the school hours only job, would you end up logging on (depending on what the job is) later on anyway and not being paid?

Will you actually be able to do drop off and pick up if your commute is 30 mins, it might be pretty tight/stressful?

What about school holidays, would the arrangement remain the same? What about annual leave- presumably pro rata which would mean a lot less than if you worked FT?

What are your husband’s hours, I know you said 30 but across what pattern? What’s his view?

Lots to think about OP! Good luck whatever you choose.