Spending my life savings on a total dump

[Amycakes]

I'm 38 and have been saving for a house deposit for 16 years, since I left uni. I've sacrificed holidays, parties, weddings, hobbies, other opportunities and even friends to prioritise saving for somewhere to live. Me and my partner need to move out of our rented flat soon and we've started looking at finally buying.

We've viewed 10 places now and they've all been really horrible. I'm completely disheartened. The houses within our budget are in worse condition than any dive I've ever rented. We do not have, and will never have, thousands for getting rid of damp or asbestos, or doing the major renovations these properties need. Properties in our budget are also in quite rough areas, miles from anywhere, no services, no public transport. A lot of them have been on the market for ages, they can't sell. I love cycling, and bike everywhere, but I'd have to give that up entirely. We're looking in undesirable commuter belt areas that are 'cheap' but we would be miles away from friends and family. Also far away from train stations so my commute will be about 3 hours round trip (2-3 days a week). But I don't think I can face being so isolated and car dependent? We were hoping to have a child but I can't see us comfortably raising a baby in any of the houses or places within budget.

The whole thing is just so depressing. Is this normal for FTBs? I wonder if it's even worth buying at all and if we should just blow our deposit money on travelling or something, stay renting a flat, and forget having a family.

Why can’t you have a family if you rent? At 38 I’d be prioritising having a family over a house anyway. Are there no shared ownership properties anywhere?

I wouldn’t blow all my money on travelling as much as I’d want to.
Are you stuck to a certain area or commuting distance?
if you really want children I’d still go ahead as long as you can still afford them

What's your budget and where do you commute to?

Have you considered shared ownership ?

I've started to wonder about this too. We first bought 15 years ago, but could do with upsizing now. In order to get the extra bedroom in the area we live would mean taking out a £500k mortgage. We're nearly 40 now, so it feels a bit insane.

Also, I look at my parents who did the whole property ladder thing and ended up with nice expensive property, which is now being handed over to care homes. What was the point? Might as well have rented all their lives and had the council pay for the care.

Are they in better care homes?

Yes, this^^

If you need to be in easy commuting distance of London, you might want to look at shared ownership. A good friend of mine has done that and has a nice flat in zone 2 now. He couldn't have afforded to buy on his own, but managed with shared ownership

Don’t despair, keep looking, keep the faith.
Have you been looking long?

Would you buy at auction? Why not explore that option? Get the catalogues, attend an auction to feel the atmosphere. Learn the ropes.

Somewhere there’s a little house just made for you. You just have to keep putting the work in. I’ve been where you’re at. It’s a killer but eventually I found a sweet new build. No regrets.

Avoiding flats and shared ownership like the plague, unfortunately @TeaKitten. We have several friends who've been trapped in problematic shared ownership flats for years. Tearing their hair out. Just have a look through the latest news stories on shared ownerships - also I work in law and know leasehold in general is usually a bit of a nightmare.

@Apileofballyhoo nope, same care home whether you pay privately or the council pays.

I would wait a while and keep looking. Don't buy any of these 10 houses as you clearly hate them and the location. Location is important so if it was me I would rather buy something small in a nice area that I wanted to be in rather than wake up every day somewhere that made me unhappy. We bought a very small house as first time buyers but it was fine for a lot of years and with a child. It needed decorating but it didn't have any significant problems. To be honest, we were young and didn't overthink it, it was just in an area we wanted to be in.

Damp is only a problem if it's rising damp or penetrating damp. You can get mould that is just from lifestyle (not opening the windows etc) that is easy to rectify.

Houses can be money pits, even the nice looking houses can have hidden problems. I think its alot tougher for people to buy and I'm surprised what houses are priced at.
I bought a doer upper 🙄 but its detached and I had awful neighbours so for me I didnt care at the time. It's getting there but it can be stressful even tho I'm grateful to have a home, it can be hard.

I would just keep looking and make sure you view them as some can have potential and just mainly be bad decor.

I think if you can get on the ladder it's safer than renting as you never know when they'll sell up. If you don't mind moving about then renting might be better for you.

The point was that they got to live in their own home, make it’s as they wanted, enjoy the rising house prices and provide stability for their children. And then use that house to fund care so their children didn’t have to. Council care homes are even bleaker than private ones.

OP if you do want a baby then do that now in rented. What would you regret more, not buying or not having a baby? No right answer but might help prioritise.

Don’t buy a dump/money pit that needs lots of work. We did and regret it so much. We have never been able to afford having it looking good and the jobs that need doing increase over time, and the value stagnates as it just stays being a ‘doer-upper’ unless you can afford to do the work.
If I had my time again I would either continue to save until I could afford something ‘better’, even if it meant I didn’t buy until I could afford a one bed nice flat at retirement age, or I would have enjoyed life and just carried on renting.

How long have you been looking for (in time, not number of houses)?

When you start off you always see a load of rubbish because you go and see all the houses that have been sitting on the market for months without any interest, because they are no good.

The good houses are snapped up so those ones don’t hang around.

It’s hard to believe it as you look at all the awful houses charging X and think “if this is what you can get for X, I’ll never find anything”. But you will. The bad houses maybe on the market for X but they haven’t sold, which is why you’ve been able to view them.

Is there any way you could borrow money for a larger deposit so you can buy in a slightly better area, less commute and slightly less work to do e.g. lending from family? Could you then rent out one of your rooms to pay back the borrowed money?

Renting used to be what people did whilst they were saving for a deposit on their first house ; thanks largely to the huge increase in private landlords and what they can get away with charging this is no longer possible .
'First' houses were often run-down , in less desirable areas and needing renovation over several years before any profit could be made in order to move up the property ladder .
House prices are just stupid now . Sixteen years of hard saving and financial sacrifice is rough and I don't know what I would do in your situation but I would probably keep trying to find something to buy in which I could live pro tem . You don't want to be dependent on the vagaries of landlords nor paying rent when you are both in your dotage .
It took me thirty three years to pay for my house . The costs of mortgage interest rates and improvements have been eye-watering but my house is now mine and mine alone and no one can take it from me .
Security is important to me and I am glad I persevered .

Are you tied to the UK? Could you look into jobs abroad where you get more for your money and often a much better lifestyle?

I think it might well be normal for first time buyers to only be able to afford to buy something that doesn't meet their expectations. Having spent all your life living with parents in a home they might have worked their way up to or in rented which would be out of your price range if you were to buy it the reality of buying on a budget is stark.

That's my experience. Our first home in the 1980s (just as mortgage rates soared) had rain running down the electrics, damp, missing windows - I could go on. We've always bought do-er uppers and frankly, on occasions, shit holes. We have actively watched for properties that nobody else is buying and that linger on the market, watching the price drop over time and then sneaking in with a cheeky offer.

We have done the properties up and moved on. In every single case we could not have been able to afford the house if it was renovated so we counted our blessings that they were dumps. The house we're currently renovating had a garden we had to hack through with a machete, has damp, rotting windows, no central heating etc etc. We are living here through it and hope it will be our dream forever home when it's done.

Alongside working full time we taught ourselves to do as much of the work as we possibly could from roofing to building walls to fitting bathrooms. We did it on the cheap.

Something I would say to you is that we've owned several leasehold properties and none have been a nightmare. Perhaps in your job you only see the problems?

Also, and I mean this kindly, if you want a house and to move on with your life, then something has to give. You either need to move area, consider flats, buy a dump and plan to do something amazing with it.

Once you're in you're set up. No more rent. You are mistress of all you survey and can paint the interior pink if you want.

Alternatively, fuck it, sell up, have fun, travel. The world's your oyster.

If i was you i would have a rethink on flats/leasehold. Most flats are leasehold, it doesn’t have to be a nightmare, you just need to do due diligence. At least go and see a couple of eg 2-bed flats within your budget, in nicer, more convenient areas than the houses you’ve been looking at. Don’t buy a money pit house in an area you hate. Good luck op.

Hi Op

As other PPs have said I would prioritise starting a family at 38 rather than delaying it to buy a house. I know many fellow Mnetters have gone onto have kids into their 40s but it is not a given. Once you do eventually start to try there is no knowing how long it can take.

I would maybe look to rent somewhere bigger if that’s what you need but please prioritise trying for a baby if that’s what you want.

You need to look at flats; do you think everybody who’s on the ladder now didn’t start out with the cheapest property they could afford?

I also find it hard to believe that if you have a three hour commute, you haven’t got a much wider area to look at.

if you give us an idea of budget and broad location, MNetters can help you out with ideas/areas

We compromised by buying a leasehold flat for our first home in our mid 30s. We did have service charges and sometimes the management company was a pain but it was all fine, the communal areas were looked after and we didn't have to worry about the building. It meant we could buy in a nice area with plenty of amenities, excellent public transport and a well-maintained home (only 11 years old when we bought it).

Agree with pp that you need yo think about whether you really want a family - I had dd1 at age 38 but had been ttc for 2 years and it wasn't easy.

First homes are usually works in progress unless you are loaded. It is important that the logistics of travel to work etc are manageable though and you don't hate the area altogether.

You are right op, it is shit